texastapper Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 My girlfriend of 9 months just broke up with me on my birthday! I was in another state for my best friends wedding and we would talk and everything would be cool. Before I left I told her that a girl was going to be there that has had a crush on me for a long time and that she is really into me and that she had nothing to worry about. I also told her that she would be riding with us to the wedding which was 2 hours from the airport. My girlfriend was a little skeptical, but was okay with it. My girlfriend is the type to jump to conclusions very quickly so she makes it hard sometimes to talk to about things, but I told her what was happening. Well on the way to the wedding, the girl that is interested in me tells my buddy and I that she does not have a lot of money and will have to stay with us in our hotel room. I didnt really reply, but my buddy was like that should be fine. This girl knows I have a girlfriend and I even made that more and more clear as time went on. Well that night everyone that was in the wedding went out and I hung out with the guys all night, well this girl decided to head back to the hotel early, she got there and realized she didnt have a key, so she was calling my cell phone and leaving me messages that she did not have a key to get in the room, and that she wanted to know when I was going to be back. She left another message saying for me to take my time because she had a new key made and for me not to rush back. Well the next morning us guys had to be up at like 7:30am for breakfast with the groom. My girlfriend during that time called my phone about 10 times and on the tenth time the girl in my room got up and hit silent on my phone, and something happened on the other in that made it start playing my voicemails to my girlfriend. A long story short, my girlfriend took it completely wrong and thought I was having sex with this girl and completely blew it out of proportion. She will not believe anything that my buddy and I are telling her, and she says she wants nothing to do with me. I know I wsa wrong for not telling her that she stayed in the room with us, but I know I did the right thing by sleeping on the couch that was a pull out. I did not have sex with this girl but now I have to face all the accusations. What in the world can I do to get her to believe me?? I really love her and I dont want something like this to ruin us. I have tried to explain myself to her, but she has come to this conclusion in her head that I am this bad person and did her wrong. I know I am innocent of cheating, and guilty of lying, but I love her a lot and dont want this to be the reason for losing her. Can anyone offer advice. I have stopped caling her so that she can settle down and clear her head, I love her and I want to fix this. Any advice helps.
jmargel Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 My only advice would be to talk to this 'other' girl, and see if it would be ok for your gf to call her & talk about this. If this other girl does this, then your gf will have peace of mind. Why did you tell your gf this other girl had a 'crush' on you? What would that accomplish? That's just making your gf worry more & more. How would you feel if she was the one going on the trip. She has a right to be suspecious. Did you tell her in detail on what happened? Most stories that are true are the ones that the accused can have alot of detail about.
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 I'm with Jmargel on this one. It looks bad, man...no matter which way you cut it. Your only hope is to convince this girl who stayed in your room (without your girlfriend knowing it) to explain things to her in person. She's not going to believe your buddies because often guys will cover for each other. You shouldn't have been in that room. Period. Especially knowing (and telling your girlfriend) that this girl had a thing for you. How did this girl get your cell-phone number anyway? Why didn't she call the other guy, instead? After all, he's the one that gave her permission to stay there in the first place. Looks like you weren't thinking clearly, and it may have cost you a relationship. Hopefully, you'll be able to recover and will use the lesson to be more careful in the future. Good luck!
Author texastapper Posted June 28, 2004 Author Posted June 28, 2004 Yeah I remained friends with the girl after college, but strictly kept it as friends. So that is how she had my cell number. I know I was stupid about holding back the truth and not being completely open,a nd you are right it probably cost me the relationship. I hate that and I want to recover, but I know I was wrong and I know I cant fight with her to say I was right. So I am not forcing the issue with her. I have told her exactly what happened and I can t force her to change her mind. Too many guys try and force things after a break up and I am not going to be that guy, I love her and I know she loves me.. And if she can see through this that I am telling the truth then great, but I can not sit here and fight with someone that has jumped directly to there own conclusion and I refuse to do so. Time is always the answer I guess. Thanks for the reply!!
Author texastapper Posted June 28, 2004 Author Posted June 28, 2004 I have offered her to speak with the other girl and she refuses, I guess she wants to feel as if she is right, and be in control of the whole situation. The reason I told her about the crush was because the other girl was calling before the trip asking me question about airfare and stuff like that, so I would be with my girlfriend when she called and I try to be as honest as possible. The bottomline is that the other girl talks pretty loud and my girlfriend came to a conclusion that this girl talked to me as if she was interested in me. And I was not going to lie to her and tell her she wasnt, because that would have started another argument, "Oh I heard her talk to you and I know what it sounds like when another person wants to be more than friends" Oh I could just hear her now. I think that was the main reason I didnt want to tell her she was in the room, I didnt want to hear the music, I guess that caught up with me.
faux Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Originally posted by texastapper ...Before I left I told her that a girl was going to be there that has had a crush on me for a long time and that she is really into me and that she had nothing to worry about. I also told her that she would be riding with us to the wedding which was 2 hours from the airport... I wonder how, at the time you decided to tell your girlfriend the above, you did not realize that saying those things would be a very, very bad idea. For future reference: It is a very bad idea to say those sorts of things to your partner. ... A long story short, my girlfriend took it completely wrong and thought I was having sex with this girl and completely blew it out of proportion. She will not believe anything that my buddy and I are telling her, and she says she wants nothing to do with me. I know I wsa wrong for not telling her that she stayed in the room with us, but I know I did the right thing by sleeping on the couch that was a pull out. I did not have sex with this girl but now I have to face all the accusations. What in the world can I do to get her to believe me?? Hmm. If she doesn't believe you there are probably progblems in the relationshp with trust. She either trusts you or she does not, and apparently she does not trust you for some reason. Again, I would not have gotten into how the girl "has a crush on you" and such, as this probably fueled her fire even more. I get the impression that, had you told your girlfriend that she stayed in the same room as you, she would have flipped even more. You cannot do anything to make her believe you. She either does believe you, and trust you, or she does not. If she cannot trust you and you have done nothing wrong, you must ask yourself if you have done anything to break her trust or not in the past. If you haven't given her any reason to distrust you, then do you really want to remain with someone like her? I really love her and I dont want something like this to ruin us. I have tried to explain myself to her, but she has come to this conclusion in her head that I am this bad person and did her wrong. I know I am innocent of cheating, and guilty of lying, but I love her a lot and dont want this to be the reason for losing her. Can anyone offer advice. I have stopped caling her so that she can settle down and clear her head, I love her and I want to fix this. Any advice helps. Unfortunately, it sounds as though she has already ended the relationship due to this. I would call to get the specifics on that situation. I would not want to be with someone who does not trust me. Then again, I would not fuel their insecurities by explaining how I will be hanging around a woman who has the hots for me, and I would not lie. It is up to your (ex?) girlfriend to decide whether or not she is going to believe you and your friends.
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