joystickd Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Men: You get the revelation from someone that the woman you are getting to know had very promiscuous past. Would it matter at all if it was 10 years ago or a year ago? Women: You find out the man you were getting to know was either a player or had been abusive to a woman he was in a relationship with. Would it matter at all if it was 10 years ago or a year ago? Do you have sets of qualities that the opposite sex must have and if you do are you living by those same qualities? Are you willing to be honest about your past and accept that not every person may not like things you have done in the past? 1
veggirl Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 A guy with a promiscuous past wouldn't bother me much, I guess depending on the # (I'd never ask though, so not sure how I'd gain this info that he was promiscuous anyway, unless he offered it up). I mean cracking triple digits and whatnot would not be okay but...I guess it depends on what "promiscuous" means--yes I guess I would have a cut off that I'd be okay with, what it is I'm not sure as I don't ask # of past partners. A guy who slept around in college for example, that's fine. A man who was ABUSIVE? Absolutely a dealbreaker, whether it was 10 years ago or a year ago. Again though, how would I gain this knowledge?
Author joystickd Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 A guy with a promiscuous past wouldn't bother me much, I guess depending on the # (I'd never ask though, so not sure how I'd gain this info that he was promiscuous anyway, unless he offered it up). I mean cracking triple digits and whatnot would not be okay but...I guess it depends on what "promiscuous" means--yes I guess I would have a cut off that I'd be okay with, what it is I'm not sure as I don't ask # of past partners. A guy who slept around in college for example, that's fine. A man who was ABUSIVE? Absolutely a dealbreaker, whether it was 10 years ago or a year ago. Again though, how would I gain this knowledge? An ex told you or for the men a guy that had sex with the woman would tell you about it.
Kamille Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Past of abuse: I would probably be freaked out and likely could not continue the relationship. Player: If still respectful of women but is someone who "has game", not a problem. These men aren't players, they just love women and know how to get along with them. One of my exes was such a case and there was no doubt in my mind that he was capable of fidelity. (Hey, he had had his wild past and at the time, I was the women he was crazy about.) If disrespectful of women and done in a "prove masculinity by bedding as many women as possible", he and I are likely incompatible. I don't define myself through external factors and generally do not get along long term with people who do. (My profession usually leads me to deconstruct most "external" social categories anyway, so I would drive a guy like that insane.) 1
Kamille Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Re: my own past. I have nothing to hide. Can openly speak of it, although I prefer to keep the past in the past. If someone has issues with my past, again, it's likely a sign of incompatible beliefs about sexuality, life and love. Best to find out sooner than later.
d'Arthez Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Men: You get the revelation from someone that the woman you are getting to know had very promiscuous past. Would it matter at all if it was 10 years ago or a year ago? Hard to say. Promiscuity can be an experiment, and it can point at being highly troubled, unstable etc.. The former is less problematic than the latter. I am sure that quite a few women would have a similar problem for exactly the opposite reason. I'd make certain that this past does not point to a major character flaw (and thus approach the situation with a bit more caution). I have had my share of interactions with women for whom their past promiscuity did point to serious character flaws. Do you have sets of qualities that the opposite sex must have and if you do are you living by those same qualities? Other than the basic characteristics I look for in a relationship (such as integrity, intelligence, compassion, and a similar enough world view), there is no other criterion. Sexual experiences or inexperience, would not really faze me. Are you willing to be honest about your past and accept that not every person may not like things you have done in the past? Absolutely. If people cannot accept my past, they cannot accept me in the present. I have nothing to hide, am comfortable to talk about it, but I'd prefer to keep the past in the past.
Author joystickd Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Re: my own past. I have nothing to hide. Can openly speak of it, although I prefer to keep the past in the past. If someone has issues with my past, again, it's likely a sign of incompatible beliefs about sexuality, life and love. Best to find out sooner than later. I agree I think its better to find out sooner than later. People expect honestly not partial honestly. Its a must that a person be open to find you if even on a belief level you are compatible. It says a lot of a person that is afraid to talk about their past.
Woggle Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 As long as she never cheated on or used a man. If it was just honest sex between two consenting people then no problem. 1
RedRobin Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I would not tolerate a history of abuse. For me, these men are very easy to spot. As far as promiscuity goes... maybe if it were related to some youthful indiscretions on the way to forming their opinions and identity, but only up to a certain point. Any indication of just using women for sex, a history of FWBs or extended history of casual sex would not go over well with me. I'd expect that by the time they hit their late 20's, they would have learned how to value commitment and exhibit an ability to delay gratification long enough to figure out if a relationship were possible. I'd also expect they were able to demonstrate a history of responsible sexual history for a period far longer than their initial irresponsible history. For instance... If it happened in their 20's, at least late 30's and responsible and monogamous throughout their 30's before I'd consider them. Which means a good 10 years of no FWB or casual sex to 'make up' for their choices in their 20's. That is the proof I'd need. If they've been catting around for most of their 20's and 30's (the majority of their formative years)... no way in hell. Their habits are ingrained in stone by then.
oranged Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I would not tolerate a history of abuse. For me, these men are very easy to spot. As far as promiscuity goes... maybe if it were related to some youthful indiscretions on the way to forming their opinions and identity, but only up to a certain point. Any indication of just using women for sex, a history of FWBs or extended history of casual sex would not go over well with me. I'd expect that by the time they hit their late 20's, they would have learned how to value commitment and exhibit an ability to delay gratification long enough to figure out if a relationship were possible. I'd also expect they were able to demonstrate a history of responsible sexual history for a period far longer than their initial irresponsible history. For instance... If it happened in their 20's, at least late 30's and responsible and monogamous throughout their 30's before I'd consider them. Which means a good 10 years of no FWB or casual sex to 'make up' for their choices in their 20's. That is the proof I'd need. If they've been catting around for most of their 20's and 30's (the majority of their formative years)... no way in hell. Their habits are ingrained in stone by then. i don't meet that requirement. i'm 41 and haven't demonstrated a period of responsible sexual history. i've never had sex.
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