its been a year, still thinking of ex, even though i have a new bf

[sallyhurts]

my first boyfriend broke up with me last summer.

I currently have a new boyfriend and we've been going out for about 8 months.

I had no contact with my ex for many months after are break up and just recently have we started to communicate thru IM again.

I used to consider him(my ex) my best friend.

We had a really good friendship connection.

When he broke up with me, he said he still really wanted that, but the relationship was just messing us up.

 

Lately I've been really missing that friendship of my ex.

I've been having dreams with him in them regularly.

I find myself wanting to hang out with my ex as oppose to my current bf on some occasions because my current boyfriend and I dont have that strong friendship connection i did with my ex.

 

is this normal?

 

btw- im 19.

[uriel]

Yes, it's normal -- very normal.

 

Some people have even managed a friendship with the ex, after romantic feelings have died off. You need to be honest with yourself about whether you still have those kinds of feelings for him (avoid rationalizing them as friendship only). If you do, you should stop contact again. In that case, continued contact would be unfair to your boyfriend and would likely lead to your getting hurt. That is, unless you and your ex should decide to break up with others and get back together.

 

One red flag here: You say you prefer to spend time with your ex sometimes b/c you don't have so much of a friendship connection with your current bf. Of course, no one person can satisfy all of your friendship needs. However, that you don't have such a connection with your current bf calls into question the quality of your relationship with him. You need to think about that. Does a friendship just need time to grow?

 

Another red flag: Have you told your current bf that you and the ex are resuming a friendship? If you haven't, that could indicate that you are working up to an "emotional affair" -- a form of cheating that will be hurtful and confusing. If what's going on here is friendship only, you should feel comfortable admitting to it in the light of day before anyone.

 

-- uriel