twinsmom Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Hello all, I've posted here over the years about how, after a 3 1/2 year-long intimate relationship, my OM just upped and moved all the way to the other corner of the country without so much as a warning in the early part of 2008. Yes, he moved 3,000 miles away without so much as a goodbye. What I didn't say is that we have had sporadic contact via e-mail, albeit infrequently. But it was never initiated by him. I was the one who found where he was, embarrassing to say. I hate to even admit that. But it was always the same BS. When we did make contact, he avoided any explanation, any kind of personal conversation, etc. It was all very generic, like idle chit-chat. When I questioned him about anything personal, he would just never answer. As he did for 3 1/2 years, he closed himself off, totally. And when I called him on what he had done, he turned it all back on me. I was the one being combative. I was the one making this "friendship" or "relationship" impossible. Supposedly he still wanted to have some kind of long-distance relationship, even though he had never intiated it, and even after what he had done, and had never acknowleged. Blah, blah, blah...I finally realized, after reading here and elsewhere, that he might be passive-aggressive. I mean, I'm not a licensed therapist or psychiatrist, but he fits the mold to a "T". My post was begun to say that I have finally gotten to the point where I don't even think about him anymore. And when I do, it's with feelings of disdain. But the true desire of my post is to warn other women (or men), that it took me a full FOUR years to get to how I'm feeling today. That is an awfully long time. For anyone currently in an affair that isn't going the way they want it to, or for someone considering an affair, just realize how long it can take you to extricate yourself from it once you're in it. Sorry for the rambling.. 3
MissBee Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Hey twinsmom, I am kind of confused, are you the one who is married?
Author twinsmom Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 No, MissBee, I am not married. I was involved with a MM, unfortunately..
Author twinsmom Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 I am a 47 year-old widowed mother of two, who now realizes she might have been able to have another child if not for her idiotic involvement with a married man. Just another thing for people to think about..
Happyface Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Do you think you might have extricated yourself sooner if you had been completely NC? Happy Face
Author twinsmom Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Happyface, Yes, I do. To the other person who chimed in, I won't even bother to respond. Not worth my time.
woinlove Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 twinsmom, I'm happy to hear that you are finally done. Yes, it took a long time, but that is not so unusual. Your case is different with MM just moving, but the time span to feeling free is not different than many cases where neither AP physically moves and the A is on and off - or just simply has a lot of pain - for a long time, while one or the other or both work toward ending it. Infidelity has its own special dynamics and can have a very long reach in time for all parties involved. The important thing is that you have moved on now and I hope things go well for you. 2
Spark1111 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Hey, you are still young enough to find a man who cherishes you and treats you like a queen. I swear these MM prey on the lonely and vulnerable and having been widowed certainly fits that bill. Good luck to you! When your are finally done with a relationship, you will realize the potential of others you meet. 1
RedDevil66 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 What's I've learned from all the mistakes I've made in my life, is to focus on my actions and what I did wrong and not keep the focus on the other person. Trying to diagnose this married guy just keeps the focus off your issues. Work on yourself and your shortcomings, it will help you make better and healthier choices for your future.
RedDevil66 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I also want to add, ALL cheating is a passive aggressive action. Think about it. When I was cheating with a married men (did it only once, which was enough for me and it was 15 yrs ago), I was not happy with my boyfriend and instead of facing it head on, I decided to be passive aggressive and cheat OP, focus on you. It will keep you healthy
Emme Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I am happy for you that you're in a better place. You have endured a great deal and you overcame all the negative. Hopefully one day I will reach that place. I wish you the best in the future. I'm sure it's feels great living again. 1
Recommended Posts