c0nfused88 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I was wondering if anyone on here married the first person they dated? I was with my ex for several years and I was his "first" everything really. I am curious if we had moved forward and gotten married what struggles we would have faced. We are considering getting back together and he hasn't seen anyone while we were apart-- so I'm wondering if I should even suggest he sees others and we have a break longer (or indefinitely).. because I feel like he'd always wonder what else was out there..
irin Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 my parents were each others only, and theyr still married after 30 years. but they are from anther time, anther generation.
mortensorchid Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Honestly, I don't get that. My parents were hs sweethearts, they never dated anyone else except each other. They have literally been together for almost 50 years, married for over 40. However, they are from another generation. Although she would claim this never happened, I remember a friend she had (who also married her hs sweetheart, and they have to this day, the most misrable marriage I have ever encountered - he moved away to FL and has been there for the last 20 years) who we no longer speak with. When I was a little kid, they would whine to each other "No one loves us". As for my parents being happy? Well, I guess so, but they are not "in love" and have not been in love for a long time. I can't imagine someone ever marrying the first person they ever dated, especially when you are hs sweethearts. You are different people than you were in, say, 10th grade when you met. Not that you are bad people, but you have not learned the lessons that you have with others.
FitChick Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I work with a very attractive woman who just celebrated her 25th wedding anniversary to her high school sweetheart. It can happen.
fortyninethousand322 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I was wondering if anyone on here married the first person they dated? I was with my ex for several years and I was his "first" everything really. I am curious if we had moved forward and gotten married what struggles we would have faced. We are considering getting back together and he hasn't seen anyone while we were apart-- so I'm wondering if I should even suggest he sees others and we have a break longer (or indefinitely).. because I feel like he'd always wonder what else was out there.. Anything can happen. But it sounds like you're reaching. If you're really that concerned, then go ahead and tell him to try to see other people.
Woggle Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I work with a very attractive woman who just celebrated her 25th wedding anniversary to her high school sweetheart. It can happen. Do you know if she is really happy though? 1
Author c0nfused88 Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 I know people say that if the relationship was that great you wouldn't wonder or want to look elsewhere. I agree with that to an extent but I think other factors are at play if you have never dated elsewhere-- there will always be that wonder. I really don't know what is the best approach anymore. Part of me wants to be with him-- yet another part of me thinks now isn't the time and that he needs to live before we fully commit.
yongyong Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 It depends on if you have other options. can you find a guy that has the same quality as him? but you just don't feel the same chemistry? If you are going back because you don't have any options, you will regret....
irc333 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Yeah, I don't get it either. When I was younger in this town, by the time all these people were graduating High School, they got engaged barely around legal drinking age. The local community college was filled with mostly young women who were already spoken for, engaged, or married. I had a major thing for a woman in my Pscyh 101 class that was sitting in front of me. I was in my early 20's, she was 19, had a big fat rock on her finger (engaged). Quite frustrating. LOL I knew of this other couple that were still in highschool, they finally graduated HS, and got married 2 months later. A friend of mine told me the news, and my response was, "Yeah, marriages at that young of an age tend not to last long." She got a little ticked at me for saying that remark, but I guess I was a bit bitter then about the unavailability of women due to these people foolishly marrying and not experiencing single-hood, at least until PAST drinking age. LOL I mean, HONESTLY what makes these young people think that their HS sweet heart is their one and only soul mate without at least experiencing some form of independence THROUGH their college years. I recommend anyone who is dating in high school, who usually go the way of colleg,e and I mean FAR away....and break up and experience singlehood for a few years. I highly recommend it! Honestly, I don't get that. My parents were hs sweethearts, they never dated anyone else except each other. They have literally been together for almost 50 years, married for over 40. However, they are from another generation. Although she would claim this never happened, I remember a friend she had (who also married her hs sweetheart, and they have to this day, the most misrable marriage I have ever encountered - he moved away to FL and has been there for the last 20 years) who we no longer speak with. When I was a little kid, they would whine to each other "No one loves us". As for my parents being happy? Well, I guess so, but they are not "in love" and have not been in love for a long time. I can't imagine someone ever marrying the first person they ever dated, especially when you are hs sweethearts. You are different people than you were in, say, 10th grade when you met. Not that you are bad people, but you have not learned the lessons that you have with others.
JohnP82 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 It can happen. I have two childhood friends that married their first loves. Their marriages seem strong along with their love for one another. Good for them.
xxoo Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 It can happen. Every example anyone gives can be disregarded with "but they are from a different generation" (of course they are, if they've been married 20+ years!). Time will tell which marriages from this generation make it. The odds were never in favor of those getting married young. I knew that even when I got married young, to my first. Peers thought I was crazy then, 20 years ago. But we are still in love and happy. Challenges you might face are "poor" years while you each finish education, and get established in careers. You or he may go through a time when you wonder about other partners--I did, and it passed. You may later realize that you have little in common, or aren't strongly attracted to each other, and that you married for the wrong reasons. That has not been my experience. What are his reasons for wanting to marry?
irc333 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 So, after you graduated HS and entered the college environment, a complete change in lifestyle, and a whole new environment an a fresh new crowd of college freshmen women.....you never go the "itch"? And desired to call things off with your current, to move on? I recall this one woman, she was dating a guy she was in a LDR with, because they were going to separate colleges, 100's of miles away from each other. She used to hang out with us "Male friends" all the time on Fri/Sat nights, flirt, etc. She used to tickle me a lot, too. But, I knew she had a b/f. She did tell me her relationship was kind of on the rocks simply because the distance factor was leading both of them to tempt them to flirt and spend time with other members of the opposite sex, and they really didn't have a problem with them both doing that. I even thought I had a shot with her, but when he came back for the summer....they were like glue...couldn't keep them apart. They DID break up at the end of the summer, when he was heading back to his college.....for about 2 weeks...she started dating other men. Then he couldn't stand that idea....and proposed marriage to her. Don't know if they're still married, been trying to look her up online, but can't find her. It can happen. Every example anyone gives can be disregarded with "but they are from a different generation" (of course they are, if they've been married 20+ years!). Time will tell which marriages from this generation make it. The odds were never in favor of those getting married young. I knew that even when I got married young, to my first. Peers thought I was crazy then, 20 years ago. But we are still in love and happy. Challenges you might face are "poor" years while you each finish education, and get established in careers. You or he may go through a time when you wonder about other partners--I did, and it passed. You may later realize that you have little in common, or aren't strongly attracted to each other, and that you married for the wrong reasons. That has not been my experience. What are his reasons for wanting to marry?
xxoo Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 So, after you graduated HS and entered the college environment, a complete change in lifestyle, and a whole new environment an a fresh new crowd of college freshmen women.....you never go the "itch"? And desired to call things off with your current, to move on? Leaving for college solidified for each of us what we really wanted--which was a life together. It was an "if you love someone, set them free..." kind of thing, in which we both came back with a stronger desire to be together. I've had times when I wondered about other paths, but I've never had a desire to move on from him (I'm the wife).
d'Arthez Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 It does happen but it is quite rare. People face so many pressures in life, and having to make sense of a world that puts increasingly contradictory demands on us. Life changes, people change, we change. It is very rare for people to remain in love with each other for 20+ years; usually we grow apart, rather than in the same specific direction, especially if we get into relationships with little experience, or at a young age. I know of some people who have the most wonderful marriage, and it seemingly does not take them any effort to keep making each other happy. I know there is a lot of work hidden there, but it comes natural to them to put in the effort. Chances of a HS relationship working out are slim. After the thought strikes that one of the partners should date around there is often no way off getting rid of the doubt that has been forced into the relationship.
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 The average age of marriage in the US is 24 for women and 27 for men. Few people get into more than 10 relationships prior to age 30. So I wouldn't be surprised if the average American could count the number of serious relationships they've had on one hand prior to getting married. Thus, it's not like a person who has had 3 serious relationships prior to marriage is going to have a crapload of relationship experience compared to the person who married the first person they've ever dated. I'm sure the person who only dated 3 people prior to marriage is going to be only partially more experienced than a person who married the first person they dated.
CarrieT Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Two of my oldest friends (He, a rather famous writer) were high school sweethearts who just celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary. They are still quite blissful with each other and its pretty disgusting to look at!
Author c0nfused88 Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 There is a lot of talk of HS sweethearts.. however, what if the first person you date is in college? Also, do you think it makes a difference if the two people have varying dating histories? For example, I dated before my ex and since my ex-- I have a general idea of what is out there. (Sure, I know I could be more experienced.) However, he never dated anyone before or after me. Is this likely to eventually lead to resentment/jealousy? He doesn't seem to be the jealous type now so I'd lean toward no but perhaps deep down he will always wonder and he may be more tempted to cheat in the future than I may be...?
Author c0nfused88 Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 It depends on if you have other options. can you find a guy that has the same quality as him? but you just don't feel the same chemistry? If you are going back because you don't have any options, you will regret.... I personally do. He does as well, although I'm not sure he realizes it. It's also not the other options things-- I'd never be with someone just to have someone.
veggirl Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 My sis and her hubby have been married for 11 yrs, they got together in high school so yes they have only dated one another. They have 2 kids and a fine marriage. They are the only ones I know who've done this though.
xxoo Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 There is a lot of talk of HS sweethearts.. however, what if the first person you date is in college? Also, do you think it makes a difference if the two people have varying dating histories? For example, I dated before my ex and since my ex-- I have a general idea of what is out there. (Sure, I know I could be more experienced.) However, he never dated anyone before or after me. Is this likely to eventually lead to resentment/jealousy? He doesn't seem to be the jealous type now so I'd lean toward no but perhaps deep down he will always wonder and he may be more tempted to cheat in the future than I may be...? I don't think it matters when you meet a person, if you realize that they are someone you want to be with forever. Doesn't matter if it is hs, college, or beyond. We have uneven experience. He's had other gfs, but I've not had another bf (beyond some very casual dating in hs). It has never made me tempted to cheat. I have wondered what it would be like to be with other lovers, but not to the point that I would want to leave this relationship, and not for a long time now. I've lived enough, and seen enough, to know that the grass isn't greener on the other side of my fence, without having to actually eat the grass
RiverRunning Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 I was 19 when I had my first boyfriend (I was also my first boyfriend's first girlfriend - he was also 19 at the time, a few months older than I was). I can only imagine the nightmare if we had married. He had multitudes of emotional problems that no one should ever have to deal with. He was an albatross around my neck and I was so happy when I threw him overboard. It's now been about 5 years since then. I'm a completely different person and I hope, for that nutter's sake, that so is he. I think because neither of us had EVER dated anyone else, we had this screwed-up thinking and thought that if either of us left the other, we would wind up being alone FOREVER. I think I had more reason to be jealous of some of his behaviors, though, as he could be very emotionally unpredictable. He ended up accusing me of sleeping with the gay best friend I had known for years, and had warned him about before we started dating. If we were still dating now, I think that pattern of immaturity would have continued. We would have always wondered what else was out there. And his fear that he'd NEVER meet anyone else likely would have involved him continually sequestering me from the outside world, chipping away at my self-esteem so he could feel better about himself. That said, tons of people DO marry their high school sweethearts. My brother has been with my sister-in-law for 13 years, married for 8 years (they started dating when they were 17). But they have been through their rough patches: a few years ago she got heavy into the partying/clubbing scene, perhaps because she missed out on that aspect of being young (they married when she was 21). And I know, at 30, he sometimes wonders what he missed out on. My mother was 16 when she met my dad and they married when she was 19. My mom had a 'puppy love' thing with another guy before she met my dad...but for all purposes only dated my dad. They've had a pretty miserable marriage nearly 35 years later. All kinds of money issues (marrying young + having no skills) and very poor, immature communication patterns between them. There are MANY times both of them come to me for advice on what to say to the other. Makes me wonder how they have ever been married for so long. I honestly think if my mom had been single at least until her late teens, their marriage would have gone much better. My dad was in his mid 20s when they met (big age gap!) and had already dated a few other women, had even been engaged, so I think that the marriage has been happier from his perspective.
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