Justincredible Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Sup guys, Having trouble figuring out what I have to do. I've been asking advice from lots of different people and a getting a lot of different answers. I feel advice from this forum should be the one I should take, though. Also, we're still in high school.. Just thought that should be taken into account. Anyways, me and my ex have dated for a year and a couple months. We started off as bestfriends and it quickly escalated into something more. Our relationship was good, of course, fighting every now and then, but what couple doesnt? During the last month of our relationship, i started getting very irritable. I would be an ******* to her and this was due to stress from finals and AP classes. Basically, i pushed her away and took her for granted. She broke up with me, which was a sigh of relief for me, since I kinda wanted it to happen. She was sad and was trying to get me to talk to her, but i was too focused on school to pay attention. We talked one day about fixing the relationship and we got into an argument. Voices were raised, things were said. It went terrible. She got comfort from a guy friend of hers. Basically he said things like "You deserve better" "yada yada yada". Fast forward one week, i see them walking around school, and i start regretting what happened. I went into total depression mode. I current can't eat much and lost interest in all my favorite hobbies. I've tried talking to her and fixing it but she keeps saying its too late. Anyways, this is where i feel like there is hope of us getting back together. The guy she is currently talking to is leaving to college in the fall, and leaves to work over the summer. I dont think this rebound can work out. Also, i talk to her mom and she says that things have been different at home ever since we've broken up. She also said that she's been ditching classes at school and isn't interested in school in general. When we were together it was totally opposite. She was getting A's and never missed a class. I feel that she is in a bad place right now, and she needs to get her stuff together. Also, once this dude leaves, will she start to realize the mistake she's done. Is there a chance this will happen or should i realize that i messed up, suck it up, and move on?
babycrapgreen Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 You're an immature douche. You broke up with her and she's obviously depressed over what you did. You better do something special to make her realize that she is someone special because she's seems someone special for you to be so worried about her and you regretting her. I mean like teen movie stuff. I mean plan something. It may not work but, it will boost her self esteem.
EgoJoe Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 You're an immature douche. You broke up with her and she's obviously depressed over what you did. You better do something special to make her realize that she is someone special because she's seems someone special for you to be so worried about her and you regretting her. I mean like teen movie stuff. I mean plan something. It may not work but, it will boost her self esteem. Do not do what is quoted. What you've done is natural and a part of growing up. Regret is a powerful learning tool. You are not responsible for your Ex's feelings, actions, decisions etc. Read around here for a while. This could end up being a good thing. You need to focus on which way your life is going anyways.
Author Justincredible Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Sure, taking this as a learning experiences is definitely an option, but if there is a chance that she would take me back, what would I have to do to increase my chances of that happening. You think pulling something corny from a teen movie would make her come back to me? I feel like if i got a second chance, I would be sure that I would not make the same mistakes again, which is why I'm trying to pursue this so vigorously.
babycrapgreen Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Do not do what is quoted. What you've done is natural and a part of growing up. Regret is a powerful learning tool. You are not responsible for your Ex's feelings, actions, decisions etc. Read around here for a while. This could end up being a good thing. You need to focus on which way your life is going anyways. Well.. I gave you some advice. Unlike, EgoJoe, who just pawned you off by "advising" you to search around this site. Seriously? Seriously? That's not advice. Scratch my first advice. Here's a serious one... I say, you need to start somewhere, send her a quick text, "hey, how've you been?". Don't expect anything and forewarning, she might not even text you back. But, it's something. It's better than where you're at now. It's opening a communication line. @EgoJoe - He's looking for advice in how he can get his ex back, wth, way to help him out by making him look around the site.
Author Justincredible Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Do you think showing up at her door would be better than a text?
EgoJoe Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Young brother. These are bad ideas and here is why: You are experiencing rejection, your ego does not like it, even if you did get her back you might eventually do the same thing due to the same reasons that motivated you before. I suggested you read around because one by one, every thread contains a similarity. Look for the similarities because in them you will find patterns, thought processes and examples of relationships. Through them you will grow immensely and will become wise beyond your years. There is so much collective wisdom here. Take this time of loneliness and turn it into a time of solitude (highfive Pelicanpete) and you will become ten times the person you are now. Let her go. You need to abandon the fear of the unknown and embrace this time as a time of learning.
Author Justincredible Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 SORRY LONG POST, BUT PLEASE READ. Okay, well despite what you said EgoJoe, I went with what I felt and i talked to her last night. We talked as friends at first, it wasn't awkward or anything. Genuinely enjoying each others company and laughing. Also just catching up with what we've been doing in life. The conversation starts to transition to our relationship. I asked her what was the reason why we broke up. She said it was because of the constant fighting and the neglect on the relationship from my part. Do you miss us? She said of course. Do you think of us? I try not to. I asked her about the new dude. She said she didn't break up with me for him , but she said that she wanted a relationship with him. I told her I respect that and I wished her the best. I had to leave and so she walked me out. We hugged for a LONG time. I mean, like, long. It was a real tight one also. I kissed her on the forehead and she kissed me on mine, one of the things we used to do when we were going out that said, "Things were going to be okay". We then exchanged I love yous and I left. Semi-success i think? What's my next course of action? NC? I know that NC isn't meant to be used to pull her back to me, but in this case, i just really want her back.
greenz Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I'm with babycrapgreen. EgoJoe is correct, but his advice is going against what you really want to do. You want to get back with her. Trust your feelings. If that's what you want, who cares about what anyone else wants, including her. Let me explain. The guy is just a rebound guy. She said she misses you. She says she tries not to think of you (because it is easier on her feelings not to). Because you are not owning up to your mistakes and straight up telling her you want her back, she's not giving you anything. She's staying with a guy that is at least there for her. You have to ask for a second chance straight up. Actions speak louder than words. No semi-attempts. Buy her flowers, show up at her door, tell her you love her and tell her that you made mistakes and that you will not do it again. But you have to mean it. Don't just pretend. You have to want to do it for her too and you have to believe that this might go somewhere. Here's what could happen as a result. You give her time to think if she wants to. If she really wants you, she'll choose you over the other guy. If she doesn't want you, she'll say no. You are a winner either way because if she doesn't pick you, at least you have your answer and you know she is not worth your time and you can move on to someone else. You gave it your all and it wasn't good enough for her. That means she's not good for you. But you're a winner for trying. Then you can learn from your mistakes. But keep her feelings in mind. Like you said, you are still in high school. If you win her back only to be a dick to her again a little later, she'll be done with you for good. The bottom line is, the choice is yours. Make it and have no regrets later. I think you want to give it another shot and I think she wants you to as well. You just have to be serious about it.
Author Justincredible Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 I know that I can make this work if we get back together. So i saw her yesterday.. how long should I wait before I make contact with her again? And should I bring her flowers or something like that? And when we talk, should I approach her as a friend? Or tell her straight up that I want another chance. Should I say things like "You told me that nobody was going to get in between us", and make her feel guilty into getting back with me? I know that's bad, because then she's not 100 percent in the relationship mentally, but if she gives me a chance, I know what strings to pull in order for her to fall in love with me all over again.
greenz Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 I know that I can make this work if we get back together. So i saw her yesterday.. how long should I wait before I make contact with her again? And should I bring her flowers or something like that? And when we talk, should I approach her as a friend? Or tell her straight up that I want another chance. Should I say things like "You told me that nobody was going to get in between us", and make her feel guilty into getting back with me? I know that's bad, because then she's not 100 percent in the relationship mentally, but if she gives me a chance, I know what strings to pull in order for her to fall in love with me all over again. It sounds like you want her, but you're worried about getting your feelings hurt more then getting her back. Like I said, if she's worth it, go for it full steam. Give her flowers and tell her you really want her back. Be yourself and show her you really f***ing mean it. If she sees the eager awesome you she once knew, she will want to be with you. You can tell her that you thought nobody was going to get in between you, but not to make her feel guilty. Say, "I don't want anyone to come between us" or "I thought WE wouldn't let anyone get in between us." You're absolutely right. If she comes back when she's not 100% into it and just feels guilty, it will not work out. She will leave you again and you won't get a second chance. The bottom line is this. You can approach her any time. You can go after her tomorrow or in a week. It doesn't matter. What matters is that you go after her completely. You go all in. When she sees how much you want her, that will make her fall in love with you again. Then you will have to sustain that for some time. You don't have to think of it as pulling strings. Just be into her and it will work out. Do you think you can do that? So wait until you are ready to make up your mind. If you want to go after her, do it with flowers and everything. If you decide you don't want to, then wish her luck in her relationship and move on. Until you are ready to make a decision in either direction don't do anything. And just testing the waters or guilting her will not make it happen. She already has a guy. She wants a man. Show her that you are one and show her that you are better than the other guy.
Author Justincredible Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Much love my man. Also.. one more thing. The guy that she's interested is known to be a cheater. She doesn't know this. Should I tell her? Or would she think that it's an immature ploy to get her running back to me?
greenz Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 And again, the fact that she is talking to you while she is with this guy means that she is interested. She just wants you to be really into her again and not feeling things out.
greenz Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 You can tell her that the other guy is a cheater, but don't make it a big point. Be very careful with that. It shouldn't be about why the other guy is bad, it should be about why you are the man. Criticizing the guy she is with can come off a little bit like criticizing her for being with a guy like that. But you could say, "I heard that guy is a cheater. I don't want you to be with a guy like that. I will be better to you." Or something along those lines. Just don't bash him. Work simply on making yourself look better.
Author Justincredible Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Big thanks. I'm going to talk to her tonight. Hopefully things work out. I'll update you guys in a couple of hours and let you know how things panned out. Til then, peace.
Author Justincredible Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Ohh wait. One more thing, lol. We are each others first loves and we exchanged v cards. Are these things important? Should I bring them up?
babycrapgreen Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 LOL... That's just too cute. I think first loves and v cards are just hard to get over. Too cute.
Author Justincredible Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 So i went to her house, but as soon as I was about to knock on the door, i felt something wasn't right, so I left. As much as i wanted to try and fix things, I don't think it would really work. I've tried already. I let her know how I feel. I told her I want to make things right, but as of now, she doesn't want to. Why? Because she's happy with that guy. Yea, I have first love advantage and all that other stuff, but if she's happy now, what's all that going to mean to her? Nothing. As of now at least. I appreciate the advice, baby and greenz. That's the advice that I wanted to hear, but not the advice I probably should have taken. EgoJoe is right. I mean. I'm just going to give myself time to heal. All this false hope is messing me up. If she comes back, fantastic. If she doesn't, I know she isn't the one for me. As of now, I'm officially going to just let go. As much as I would love to let you guys know that there's a happy ending to this, right now, there isn't. Anyways, I appreciate the fact that you guys took time to respond to this. Peace and love. -Justin
babycrapgreen Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I think we all have to learn in our own way. I'm glad you did here. Good luck, Justin!
greenz Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 OK. Sounds like you made a choice and that's what's important. Things always look different when you heal.
Tiera D Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 always listen to the senior posters although what they say might sound weird or even the opposite about what you think you should do,but in the long run their advice prove invaluable and saves you a lot heartache.Dont believe?go ahead do what you think works,dont come back crying when u made it worst To OP listen to every word Egojoe said it works not just in relationships but also in daily live,you need time to heal and mature due to Egojoe perhaps like me probably saw jealousy more than love in your case.GL Justin TD
firemanq Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 Good call, Justincredible. As I read your posting, my first thought was after the breakup, you wanted her back, because someone else wanted her. Young love can be a bithc. I think you showed maturity by letting her go.
Author Justincredible Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 So it's been a couple of weeks of NC. One thing I want to ask is why is it that whenever I think of her, I make her out to be the best girlfriend in the world, when in reality she had a lot of problems and I took a lot of emotional beatings from her. Also, people always told me she was out of my league :S. Idk, lol. I just hope another girl will match up to my ex or be better. Is it just because she's not mine anymore? Anyways, thanks for everything guys.
Boynextdoor Posted June 27, 2012 Posted June 27, 2012 So it's been a couple of weeks of NC. One thing I want to ask is why is it that whenever I think of her, I make her out to be the best girlfriend in the world, when in reality she had a lot of problems and I took a lot of emotional beatings from her. Also, people always told me she was out of my league :S. Idk, lol. I just hope another girl will match up to my ex or be better. Is it just because she's not mine anymore? Anyways, thanks for everything guys. I can relate to this. I feel this once in a while and that is because you love the person much. You don't think of the negativity that had happened that was done because you see its work. Its not that you took them for granted there are just situations in life that is hard that will either make you or break you. Must not hate yourself and learn how to channel your emotions. This time nothing will work because she is still clouded by the fears,and what she dislike w/ the relationship such as (arguments,etc etc) The bad feeling must be eliminated first before everything sinks in. Sadly it takes time before that bad/odd feeling gets off with women. That's why you gotta stay strong mate! All of us are faced with difficulties with our own relationships that's why we are here. Keep your head up! Good things happen to those who wait...
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