SnapHappy Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 This is my first post here, thanks for reading! My marriage of 8 years ended 4 years ago. I've been on a few dates since then but nothing with any mutual attraction. Then I met a man from church. I got butterflies He came to fix something at my house and we talked for 3 hours that day. We have talked and/or texted every day since then - a month now. He has been divorced for 2.5 years now. He has told me that our bishop and his therapist have suggested he is not ready to date right now. I have spoken to the bishop and he said he gave that advice in regards to a particular woman and that he would be fine with me going on a date with my new friend. We hang out all the time. We talk and text every day. He is great with my kids. I really like this man and want to know if we could have a future together. I feel like he may be using the advice not to date as an excuse. His two exes have really done a number on him and now work together to keep his kids from seeing him. That obviously would make it hard for him to trust again. I've never dated a divorced man so I'm not sure how to go about it! There's a LOT more to this story but what I'm trying to figure out is how to ask him how he feels about me without scaring him away. Thanks!
pteromom Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I wouldn't. He doesn't sound ready, since he's using the advice he received as a shield. Keep being his friend. Be open to more, but don't expect it. If other opportunities to date come up, take them. If he learns to trust you, he may be open to more than friendship. Or not. Telling him a month into your friendship that you have feelings for him could scare him away. The best course of action is to just keep moving forward slowly and see what happens. 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 As a guy, I wouldn't say he's using the "I'm not ready to date because the bishop said so" as a shield. He's just being honest. Way too many liars out there. Plus, he knows the people you know so you can get more info from him even if he doesn't give. Whatever you do, you need to calm down, look at things rationally, and get to know him better.
wordrock Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 You guys sound like you have a good platonic relationship going, with the potential of something more in the future. I'd not rock the boat too much. If he's talking to you every day, he's very into you... but if he hasn't tried to push for something more, then he is being held back by something. I think you know the answer to that. Give him time to get his bearings straight. I think that's what he wants and needs.
Author SnapHappy Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Thanks everyone! I've never had a close male friend so I don't know what I'm doing but I do know that I really want his friendship no matter what. I'm going to slow down and quit worrying about our future.
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