favre Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Looks like I will be getting a divorce here soon. I have 2 kids and the ex is asking that I stay in town so I can always help with the kids. Doesn't this pose an issue on future relationships when you are locked down to a specific town? I could see someday meeting someone that doesn't want to move into farmville with me.
Furious Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 It doesn't sound like the children are your #1 priority. I feel sorry for them.
jaymz Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 At this point I would be concentrating on having the marriage dissolved in a quick & fair way with the kids as both of your number one priority. Things like finances, assets, custody etc will take a little while to sort out and get into a routine.
worldgonewrong Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Looks like I will be getting a divorce here soon. I have 2 kids and the ex is asking that I stay in town so I can always help with the kids. Doesn't this pose an issue on future relationships when you are locked down to a specific town? I could see someday meeting someone that doesn't want to move into farmville with me. Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick. You're... words defy me. You're about to bust up your family, throw the kids into turmoil (and it will be, even if it's not evident on the surface), and you're...worried about the dating scene in other towns. Whew. 3
Steen719 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick. You're... words defy me. You're about to bust up your family, throw the kids into turmoil (and it will be, even if it's not evident on the surface), and you're...worried about the dating scene in other towns. Whew. And on the other thread, he says the OW has agreed to still see him, if there isn't enough to confuse the situation. Favre...you didn't go to any counselor, did you? Did you tell your wife that you have been having an affair for 7 years? If not, she is not operating with full disclosure. I mean this with all sincerity. You are in such a rush to do this that you are not looking at the long-term effects on your wife, your kids and you. Your kids are only young once. You should be most concerned about these kids you agreed to bring in this world. In a matter of days, you have talked about the OW dating another man, maybe leaving your wife, now leaving your wife and then not wanting to stay close to your kids in case you meet someone in the future who will not want to live there. I am with Furious; I feel for your kids. I also (sort of) feel for you because I think at some point in your life, you are going to regret these impulsive, immature actions and at that point, you may not be able to do anything about it. 5
Author favre Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 My kids are the love of my life. I am asking for 50/50 custody. I am keeping them in the same town so they do not have to change schools, etc. I have been staying as long as I can for the kids
Author favre Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 And on the other thread, he says the OW has agreed to still see him, if there isn't enough to confuse the situation. Favre...you didn't go to any counselor, did you? Did you tell your wife that you have been having an affair for 7 years? If not, she is not operating with full disclosure. I mean this with all sincerity. You are in such a rush to do this that you are not looking at the long-term effects on your wife, your kids and you. Your kids are only young once. You should be most concerned about these kids you agreed to bring in this world. In a matter of days, you have talked about the OW dating another man, maybe leaving your wife, now leaving your wife and then not wanting to stay close to your kids in case you meet someone in the future who will not want to live there. I am with Furious; I feel for your kids. I also (sort of) feel for you because I think at some point in your life, you are going to regret these impulsive, immature actions and at that point, you may not be able to do anything about it. I did not tell my wife that.. It of course would be instant D. I do not want to destroy her as a person for the stupid BS I have done. I should have left 7 years ago. Instead of being a coward. I do want to stay close to the kids, I ideally want 50/50 but she won't want that. I do things with my kids everyday. I take them to sports, etc..
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Looks like I will be getting a divorce here soon. I have 2 kids and the ex is asking that I stay in town so I can always help with the kids. Doesn't this pose an issue on future relationships when you are locked down to a specific town? I could see someday meeting someone that doesn't want to move into farmville with me. No. When you have kids, you should be in the same Town. I assume though that you are not having joint custody and you'll see your kids whenever? Most who divorce, stick close by because they want to be in their kids lives as much possible. It isn't just so you can 'help her' with the kids, it's so YOU can have YOUR time with the kids. Worry about the future and relationships/moving away when the time comes you're faced with making a decision .. Right now isn't that time.
whichwayisup Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I did not tell my wife that.. It of course would be instant D. I do not want to destroy her as a person for the stupid BS I have done. I should have left 7 years ago. Instead of being a coward. I do want to stay close to the kids, I ideally want 50/50 but she won't want that. I do things with my kids everyday. I take them to sports, etc.. Why won't she allow joint custody? Or is there an OW involved and she doesn't want the kids around her? Sorry, I don't know your situation, or I've forgotten.
Author favre Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Why won't she allow joint custody? Or is there an OW involved and she doesn't want the kids around her? Sorry, I don't know your situation, or I've forgotten. She thinks having the kids switch places all the time is bad for them.
CarrieT Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 She thinks having the kids switch places all the time is bad for them. Having a part-time parent is just as bad. My BF's kids live every-other week with him and they adjust. You have to decide if you want to fight for 50% custody or just let your wife do what "she thinks is best."
Steen719 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I do want to stay close to the kids, I ideally want 50/50 but she won't want that. I do things with my kids everyday. I take them to sports, etc.. Then stay where they are so you can continue to do those things with them. I don't agree with not being honest with her, but it is your life and you have to live it. Good luck.
Author favre Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Then stay where they are so you can continue to do those things with them. I don't agree with not being honest with her, but it is your life and you have to live it. Good luck. Everywhere I have read suggests not to stay in an unhappy marriage just for the kids. I don't even like being home when my wife is. I can't kiss her, and am not attracted to her..
wheream_i Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick. You're... words defy me. You're about to bust up your family, throw the kids into turmoil (and it will be, even if it's not evident on the surface), and you're...worried about the dating scene in other towns. Whew. Typical isn't it? I hear more people on the brink of divorce or newly divorce talking about dating or finding someone new right away more than I hear "other" single people talking about it. I have a divorced female friend (already remarried) with two kids who's father is moving across the country with his new g/f because of her job. He said he can do that because she is already remarried so the new husband can assist with kids that are not his own. Cracks me up. Edited June 1, 2012 by wheream_i
Steen719 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Everywhere I have read suggests not to stay in an unhappy marriage just for the kids. I don't even like being home when my wife is. I can't kiss her, and am not attracted to her.. I should have been more clear. I meant stay in the same town.
standtall Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 It doesn't sound like the children are your #1 priority. I feel sorry for them. Wow..I'm sure the OP was happy for that well thought out advice. You came to that conclusion after what..50 words? ..and with such a positive tone. We can all do better than that. OP, I'm with the other posters here..it is too soon to worry about future relationships. Also, how old are the children?
Furious Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Wow..I'm sure the OP was happy for that well thought out advice. You came to that conclusion after what..50 words? ..and with such a positive tone. We can all do better than that. OP, I'm with the other posters here..it is too soon to worry about future relationships. Also, how old are the children? ST Wow...maybe you should checkout the posters previous thread...he's been in a 7 year affair.
Author favre Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Wow..I'm sure the OP was happy for that well thought out advice. You came to that conclusion after what..50 words? ..and with such a positive tone. We can all do better than that. OP, I'm with the other posters here..it is too soon to worry about future relationships. Also, how old are the children? 3 and 7 a girl and a boy
standtall Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 ST Wow...maybe you should checkout the posters previous thread...he's been in a 7 year affair. Gee, I didn't know I needed to read his resume. Wow, with 14 posts I didn't think it was possible to have screwed up that much. Either way, when I don't have anything helpful to add, I try not to post.
standtall Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 3 and 7 a girl and a boy That's pretty young. Your consistent and frequent presence is very important to their development at this time, so you should be around them a lot until their teenagers. It comes down to asking yourself if they are important to you...
wow04 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 First of all, I don't agree with the 7 year affair. Now for the staying in the same town. How can you do 50/50 custody if you don't live in the same town? My ex and I had to put in our divorce papers we would stay within the same school district until the kids graduated. Which ever one of us left lost custody. We have 50/50 custody. You should never stay in a bad relationship for the kids. They have the right to see what a healthy relationship is. Just a suggestion, but I wouldn't introduce the OW to them until after the divorce is final and they are adjusted.
Jethro Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 The best thing my parents did for my sister and I was to finally get divorced. Your children will not grow into healthy adults living in a love-less and broken home.
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