jayinblue Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Hi All, I've been posting here and there for a while, but it now looks like my wife and I are headed towards separation #2 and a divorce. Its been a big tangled mess for everyone involved. The short version - my wife and I have been married for 7 years. We have a 4 year old daughter. Intimacy (physical / emotional) has been a huge issue in our marriage. I screwed up badly and had an affair a couple of years ago which ended a year and a half ago. This person was unfortunately our neighbor. My wife and I separated for one year (me living with my parents, her at the house). I moved back in 6 months ago. Unfortunately, nothing seems to be getting better for either of us. We're fine when my daughter's around, but after she goes to bed, its all serious talk and sadness. We're upside down on the house, and due to the affair (and former AP next door), it doesn't make sense to try to keep the house anymore. I'm honestly not sure what to do anymore. If we get rid of the house, we can afford to get two apartments (2br, nothing fancy). I'm trying to keep lawyers out of it as I'm worried attorneys are just going to make this process worse. Anyone have any words of advice here? Things to think about with respect to a potentially pending divorce? I care about my wife and am deeply concerned about the effects all of this stuff could have on my daughter / wife / me going forward. Does it make sense to get lawyers? I want to do as much as possible to preserve whatever relationship my wife and I will have going forward and I don't know how best to do that... Both my wife and I view my daughter as the most important thing on earth, any suggestions re: books or schedules to help with a transition from the only house she's ever known to apartment living (assuming it comes to pass)? Thanks so much in advance for the thoughts.
K Os Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Sorry to hear of your situation. Just my two cents - if at all possible, keep the lawyers out of it except for *advice*. And treat it as advice. Think about the advice before acting on it. Or not acting on it. Does it do what you want it to do, or take you where you want to go? I'm a trained lawyer and I will avoid 'family lawyers' as much as possible throughout my own tumultuous marital situation. Remember, they are not 'family lawyers' - they are DIVORCE lawyers. I'm trying to sort out as much as possible through mediation. Once you get adversarial, in my view things tend to spiral pretty fast. Certainly find out what the law is, particularly on points where you're unsure or don't know, but that doesn't mean you have to follow it like an instruction manual. Mediate, mediate, mediate, but know where your stopping points are. I want to do as much as possible to preserve whatever relationship my wife and I will have going forward and I don't know how best to do that... Yes you do. Merely the fact that you want this means that you know in your heart how to do it. That's all you need. Stay strong.
Author jayinblue Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 Hey man, thanks for the reply. I had the same thought you did, that its gonna be mediate, mediate, mediate. Anyone else gone through this?
Jstub Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 I got lawyers for advice and just that. Filed via mediation. Me and my stbxw were in agreement for the most part so 3 (2 hour) sessions were enough to take care of everything for us. Civil and much much cheaper.
Author jayinblue Posted June 7, 2012 Author Posted June 7, 2012 Jstub, Thanks for the response, can I ask, did you have kids? How did you work out child support / spousal support? These seem to be the two big giant issues we're going to have to face.
standtall Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Hi All, Both my wife and I view my daughter as the most important thing on earth, There is where your problems lies..your marriage and each other should be the most important thing.
Author jayinblue Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Hi Stand, I totally hear you on that, but unfortunately, we are where we are at the moment. Anyone have any experiences to share here? I'd really love to hear from folks who have been through this mess...
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