frozensprouts Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 Add to this the fact that affairs require LOTS of communication to keep them going...much more so than a normal relationship between single people. So where does at least some of this necessary extra communication take place? In the workplace, of course...away from the prying eyes of the BS. All this extra communication leads to loss of productivity, misuse of company resources (office phones, company emails) and time that could have been spent on work-related tasks...is spent communicating with the AP. No wonder employers don't like it! i know that where my husband works, affairs ( or even just two single people dating) are not acceptable between people who work with each other. I don't believe this is purely a view based on morality, but also on experience with lost productivity, dependability under pressure or in a very stressful situation, etc. I don't believe that this view is based upon that particular workplace not being as highly "evolved" as the world of academia, etc., but rather it is based upon past experience. Again, I really think there is a lot of personal bias and perspective involved when someone relates whether or not employees dating is considered acceptable or not ( this is especially true when it's an affair).
2sure Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 In the field I work in - very competitive, the kind where you eat your own : Any personal matter that has not remained private is considered a "chink", the possibility of vulnerability, an indication of something you are not in complete control of. I went through the duress of being a BS to a serial cheater, went through a vicious divorce, and came as close as Ive ever been to losing my mind. I had to get through it without jeopardizing my career & becoming shark food. Thats why I came here, why Im here now. My ex is in the same field. Fortunately , he had every reason to hide his infidelity...but it came out after the divorce, and not by me. Now he is considered "unreliable" . He was described as Brilliant until he got found out. 1
Spark1111 Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 In the field I work in - very competitive, the kind where you eat your own : Any personal matter that has not remained private is considered a "chink", the possibility of vulnerability, an indication of something you are not in complete control of. I went through the duress of being a BS to a serial cheater, went through a vicious divorce, and came as close as Ive ever been to losing my mind. I had to get through it without jeopardizing my career & becoming shark food. Thats why I came here, why Im here now. My ex is in the same field. Fortunately , he had every reason to hide his infidelity...but it came out after the divorce, and not by me. Now he is considered "unreliable" . He was described as Brilliant until he got found out. What a shame! My daughter works for a Fortune 500 company. They frown upon romantic relationships between single consenting adults in their workplace. Imagine that? She met her fiance at work and they had to hide the relationship during work hours for over 1 year. No texting, no emails, no lunches in the cafeteria or in the parking lot. It felt as if they were always being observed. Once their corporate superiors were convinced 4 quarters went by without a loss of productivity on either of their parts, it seemed as if the rules relaxed a bit for them! They are no longer a secret and all seems fine. But maybe they had to prove they had the maturity to not allow their relationship to affect their personal productivity or the productivity of the workplace? Could be.
MissBee Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 The type of environment would also have an impact. For there to be "office gossip" there needs to be offices, or at least places where people work together or hang out together during or after work, in order to gossip. If people largely work apart from each other, each doing their own thing, there is less likely to be gossip than where people are together all day in the same workspace. Yep the type of environment and the entire makeup of the kind of job you have determines all of this. Another point is that people will form opinions about you without gossiping---sharing those opinions is the gossip. You may work in an environment where people don't necessarily fraternize with each other, but individually they hold opinions about someone and their behavior. You really never know who is watching you is the truth. In the work place especially, one should conduct themselves with the utmost professionalism and decorum. Getting a reputation at your job for stuff unrelated to your work ethic is very poor taste. 2
Snowflower Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 In the field I work in - very competitive, the kind where you eat your own : Any personal matter that has not remained private is considered a "chink", the possibility of vulnerability, an indication of something you are not in complete control of. I went through the duress of being a BS to a serial cheater, went through a vicious divorce, and came as close as Ive ever been to losing my mind. I had to get through it without jeopardizing my career & becoming shark food. Thats why I came here, why Im here now. The fact that you were able to maintain your composure (at least professionally-on the job) speaks well of your ability to cope! Geez, I remember closing my office door and crying in those early months after d-day. Thank goodness I had the type of job where I could do that from time to time. But you were/are able to persevere in spite of all this. Be proud of your strength! My ex is in the same field. Fortunately , he had every reason to hide his infidelity...but it came out after the divorce, and not by me. Now he is considered "unreliable" . He was described as Brilliant until he got found out. Interesting. What goes around came around to bite him in the a** it seems. His out-of-control behavior harmed him professionally. 1
Author beenburned Posted June 11, 2012 Author Posted June 11, 2012 Thanks for all the great viewpoints! Miss Bee, That is a good point about the environment of the company you work for. Companies around here all have their outside reputations known well.(for what regularly occurs there)(these are fortune 500 companies) That might be a interesting thought for a new thread: How the environment and people we work with influence our personal actions. Sorry I haven't posted sooner but I just got back from vacation!
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