Women who go for Bad Boys after a certain age are pathetic

[mortensorchid]

I was reading a thread here where a guy was going off on how women go for BAd Boys. I admit fully, I was there as well. I'd like to think now that I have reached the age I have (37) that I am free of the Bad Boy want, but I know plenty of gals older than me who still lust after them.

 

When we are children, girls are disciplined more than boys are. We are expected to behave ourselves, boys are given more allowance to misbehave. Boys will be boys, as we like to say. As teenagers and adults, women go for the Bad Boy because we are really acting out our own wants and needs to be bad through them. They are more fun than a barrel of monkeys, they are tornados in the sack, but it gets old after he's constantly unemployed, going on drunken rages and calling for bail money. There are women out there who are Bad Girls at heart, but we're grown ups now. It takes most women until their mid twenties or even early thirties before we get over it and go for something not so dramatic.

 

That being said, there is a gal I know who is in her forties who is just pathetic. All her life she has gone for Bad Boys, they are in and out of jail, going on drunken benders, and she not only enjoys it but loves supporting them too. There are several that she has been with, she let move into her house after knowing him for ONE WEEK. He never had a job, was a hs drop out, completely illiterate, and had a prison record. One day, insane as she is, she quit her job. She declared to all that she was going to start a punk band and was moving to California. In her thirties no less. Now she lives with her mom in another state, meets some guy online here or there, and supports him while he sits at home in front of the TV during the day and by night goes out and has a very good time which ends up with him getting arrested and her bailing him out.

 

I have to think that this woman is trying to hold onto something. What she is trying to hold onto is her youth, in a very terrible way. She is very insecure, wants people to like her, and yet has some mental health issues that keep her from having good relationships with other people. Very sad.

[Ruby Slippers]

I spent my whole 20s in sensible, meaningful relationships looking for Mr. Right. I didn't fall for bad boys or have regular flings - unlike most of my friends.

 

Now, at 35, I'm dabbling with the occasional bad boy (but more like sexy underachievers). It won't last long, but it's gonna be fun for a little while - and it's quite educational.

 

I have no guilt, no shame, and no regrets about this. This is my life, and at the end of it, all that's going to matter are the experiences I had.

[ATrainofAngels]

I never understood the appeal of that. You can find men who are masculine, confident, etc... that have stable jobs and are decent human beings

 

 

 

You don't have to find somebody who just got out of a prison to find an edgy man

[freetolove]

that's funny, I had a 1 or 2 but he was the sweetest guy in the world but all his money went to bailing his children out, his car, etc. We "loved" each other but jeez I have to step boundaries sometime.

[manup]

I was reading a thread here where a guy was going off on how women go for BAd Boys. I admit fully, I was there as well. I'd like to think now that I have reached the age I have (37) that I am free of the Bad Boy want, but I know plenty of gals older than me who still lust after them.

 

When we are children, girls are disciplined more than boys are. We are expected to behave ourselves, boys are given more allowance to misbehave. Boys will be boys, as we like to say. As teenagers and adults, women go for the Bad Boy because we are really acting out our own wants and needs to be bad through them. They are more fun than a barrel of monkeys, they are tornados in the sack, but it gets old after he's constantly unemployed, going on drunken rages and calling for bail money. There are women out there who are Bad Girls at heart, but we're grown ups now. It takes most women until their mid twenties or even early thirties before we get over it and go for something not so dramatic.

 

That being said, there is a gal I know who is in her forties who is just pathetic. All her life she has gone for Bad Boys, they are in and out of jail, going on drunken benders, and she not only enjoys it but loves supporting them too. There are several that she has been with, she let move into her house after knowing him for ONE WEEK. He never had a job, was a hs drop out, completely illiterate, and had a prison record. One day, insane as she is, she quit her job. She declared to all that she was going to start a punk band and was moving to California. In her thirties no less. Now she lives with her mom in another state, meets some guy online here or there, and supports him while he sits at home in front of the TV during the day and by night goes out and has a very good time which ends up with him getting arrested and her bailing him out.

 

I have to think that this woman is trying to hold onto something. What she is trying to hold onto is her youth, in a very terrible way. She is very insecure, wants people to like her, and yet has some mental health issues that keep her from having good relationships with other people. Very sad.

 

So are you pathetic in comparison to a women who married a nice guy in her youth? If she wants a bad boy let her have at it. Unless she's harming other people what's the problem?

[mortensorchid]

So are you pathetic in comparison to a women who married a nice guy in her youth? If she wants a bad boy let her have at it. Unless she's harming other people what's the problem?

 

It wouldn't be a problem save for the fact that she does lash out at others over it. When she and her latest loser are having a fight, she takes it out on others (verbal abuse, breaking something, etc.). A male friend of mine told me that I have it all wrong, that she is never lacking for boyfriends because she has that cute smile going and is all bubbles and sunshine. But that's when she's behaving herself. She's actually very unstable and destructive to others around her. If she was keeping her situation to herself and not half boasting / half complaining about it, all would be fine.

[manup]

It wouldn't be a problem save for the fact that she does lash out at others over it. When she and her latest loser are having a fight, she takes it out on others (verbal abuse, breaking something, etc.). A male friend of mine told me that I have it all wrong, that she is never lacking for boyfriends because she has that cute smile going and is all bubbles and sunshine. But that's when she's behaving herself. She's actually very unstable and destructive to others around her. If she was keeping her situation to herself and not half boasting / half complaining about it, all would be fine.

 

Then why are you friends with her?

[kaylan]

Another thread about this bad boy - nice guy stuff? lol ok

 

Men or Women who consciously keep picking immature and bad mates are just misguided. But I think its overboard to assume that every one of them is a bad boy or bad girl/bitch. Plenty of nice folks can have mean streaks in them and not work out for someone.

 

How do people not get tired of constantly obsessing over this whole made up nice guy-bad boy comparison. Either you find someone attractive or you dont. And either someones good for a relationship or they arent. Im not trying to be anyones boyfriend right now, and Im in the mood to play the field...by that fact alone Im sure some girls would label me a bad boy because Im not ready to commit and because Im exploring my singledom.

 

Im far from bad though.

 

OP, your friend just likes losers...and thats indicative of the quality of woman she is herself. Thats how I see it. I stay fair away from women who date shady characters. I simply see it as losers dating losers. I dont start thinking about all the bad boy stuff.

Edited June 1, 2012 by kaylan

[phineas]

I think it's because the women who go for these guys say over & over again what kind of guy they want but pass those guys by, friendzone them ect then go for the jerk who treats them poorly & instead of dumping him, holds on tightly & complains to everyone around her.

 

For me, it's just a mind boggling situation that fascinates me.

Like reality TV or a train wreck.

 

You just can't look away once you look at it. LOL!

 

Oh and like most women I meet my own age their last BF was some d-bag they were supporting & they aren't shy about telling me on the first date.

 

So i'm not really surprised there is never a 2nd date.

[LittlePrince]

When we are children, girls are disciplined more than boys are.

What? Boys are disciplined more than girls. I believe there have been studies to show this.

[Woggle]

That's their problem. If they want to keep going for guys who have nothing going for them at least they save the decent guys the headaches of dealing with their drama. Men like this and the women who love them deserve each other.

 

I never understood the appeal of men in prison. That just means they were dumb enough to get caught. I have a friend who is into an illegal business and he is a mild mannered man who on paper has a 100% clean record. What is so damn impressive about a guy who fails at life and even fails at crime?

[LittleTiger]

Different people want different things at different times in their lives. I don't see anything pathetic about it.

 

Some women marry a 'nice' guy, eventually get divorced and then decide to enjoy the pleasures (and pains) of great sex with bad boys until they get fed up with it (or not).

 

Each to their own.

[kaylan]

???

 

So nice, upstanding men and women who have strong character and a backbone cant be great in bed? Does no one see the idiocy in these bad body-nice guy and nice girl-bitch arguments? Since when was it that only crappy human beings had good sex.

 

Nothing but mental masturbation going on when people constantly bring up this lame black and white topic. Humans are complex people...and not everyone can be grouped into simplistic and limiting nice guy/girl or bad boy/girl boxes.

[Woggle]

???

 

So nice, upstanding men and women who have strong character and a backbone cant be great in bed? Does no one see the idiocy in these bad body-nice guy and nice girl-bitch arguments? Since when was it that only crappy human beings had good sex.

 

Nothing but mental masturbation going on when people constantly bring up this lame black and white topic. Humans are complex people...and not everyone can be grouped into simplistic and limiting nice guy/girl or bad boy/girl boxes.

 

No they can't. You have to have at least one criminal conviction to be somewhat decent at sex and you have to at least be unavailable if not emotionally abusive which makes you an adonis in bed.

[LittlePrince]

???

 

So nice, upstanding men and women who have strong character and a backbone cant be great in bed? Does no one see the idiocy in these bad body-nice guy and nice girl-bitch arguments? Since when was it that only crappy human beings had good sex.

 

Nothing but mental masturbation going on when people constantly bring up this lame black and white topic. Humans are complex people...and not everyone can be grouped into simplistic and limiting nice guy/girl or bad boy/girl boxes.

Let's consider the largest sexual organ is the brain. That being said the only great sex can clearly come from a good mindf*ck. Nice people can't mindf*ck. You need an *sshole for that.

[wwwjd]

It REALLY IS all about and ONLY about the sex. There is no other container for this. NOTHING else makes any difference in this discussion, just sex. Why? Because that is ALL that is being gained from the bad boy. NO ONE says, "gee, I learned so much about myself" or "He brings me so much love and understand, or is so supportive..." Nope. Just getting banged. Hard, mindlessly, agressively.... something many women WANT, but some can't admit. You can't get empty, disconnected, physical sex from someone you are emotionally connected to. You can't get that insane lovin' from a stranger feeling from someone that is not a stranger to you. Your known partner CAN NOT be unknown to you. Unless maybe you doped up on a bunch of drugs or something.

 

So, it is just the sex, there is no way around it, no way to recreate it.

UNLESS you have a great, close relationship with your loved one and can sort of recreate that environment. Sort of.

 

Yes, good guys can be GREAT in bed. But they can never be that crazy stranger buried in women's desired to just get madly F'd once in a while. Or more often than that.

[carhill]

^^^^ The operative healthy response IMO for a man who senses this dynamic, rather than judging the woman 'pathetic', is to accept that her relationship style is different than his, assuming 'pathetic' is/would be a judgment of the differences, and move on to other potentials. The more time he dwells on the incompatible, the less time in life there is to seek and enjoy the compatible.

 

Oh, as far is discipline goes, I'm pretty sure I and the other boys in the neighborhood got spanked and grounded far more than the girls. Discipline we got plenty of, by the community of parents. We came to hate the telephone because parents got the word from other parents before we got home. LOL

[Mme. Chaucer]

It REALLY IS all about and ONLY about the sex. There is no other container for this. NOTHING else makes any difference in this discussion, just sex. Why? Because that is ALL that is being gained from the bad boy.

 

 

That is so much BS that I have no words … oh, wait. I DO have a few:

 

What makes you think you have the absolute authority to speak for ALL women (or even one, for that matter, since I believe you are a guy) and what / whom they like?

 

Or, about sex? Aren't you waiting until marriage to experience that?

 

We like what we like!

 

Some women like "bad boys" for many and extremely varied reasons besides your fantasy about the sex they are having with the "bad boys."

 

Lots of women have a "rehab" fantasy. It's well known. They want to take on a "flawed" project and make him "right." Tame the wild beast, take away the pain from a dark, troubled soul, etc.

 

Lots of women are thrill seekers just like men are, and being with a "dangerous" guy speaks to this.

 

Some women are "bad girls" and a "bad boy" is the right match for her.

 

I assure you, you are completely wrong when you claim so positively that "NO ONE" says they learned "so much" from a relationship with a "bad boy." I hope that we are all learning from any relationship we have, or else we are not even awake.

 

And, FYI, a "bad boy" can suck at sex just as well as any other type of guy. If his badness happens to include a lot of drugs or booze, he might not even be able to get a boner or to care about sex at all. Being "bad" doesn't hold a key to being able to quench this "desire" that you are so sure that most women are sporting but are scared to admit.

 

Sheesh.

[LittlePrince]

Usually girls try to color within the lines and stay on people's good sides so they get punished less but to be an exceptional individual you need to break barriers and defy the current authority. For a boy to grow into a successful man he needs to stand out as much as possible while for a girl to become a successful woman she needs to make as many connections as possible.

[KathyM]

Bad boys come in all ages and sizes. So do women with low self esteem. It's not just young people that experience this.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Usually girls try to color within the lines and stay on people's good sides so they get punished less but to be an exceptional individual you need to break barriers and defy the current authority. For a boy to grow into a successful man he needs to stand out as much as possible while for a girl to become a successful woman she needs to make as many connections as possible.

 

Are you saying that being a "successful woman" and being and "exceptional individual" are mutually exclusive?

[wwwjd]

chaucer, you are still on my ignore list. but seeing that you posted shortly after I did, can I assume you rebuttled something I said? you know, per your usual? You should perhaps consider putting ME on your ignore list since I seem to only rile you up senselessly.

 

You probably made some valid point, and I respect your right to opinion. But I ignore you because you seem to single me out for snide slapdowns etc. Like I said, we would never converse in REAL LIFE, so why bother here.

[LittlePrince]

Are you saying that being a "successful woman" and being and "exceptional individual" are mutually exclusive?

If a woman wishes to be a successful man she will have to do what is required to be an exceptional, noteworthy individual. Successful women are a necessary backbone to society and human survival but they don't get remembered except by those they touched directly. Yet a successful man gets remembered millennia after his death by those he could have never known.

[Mme. Chaucer]

If a woman wishes to be a successful man she will have to do what is required to be an exceptional, noteworthy individual. Successful women are a necessary backbone to society and human survival but they don't get remembered except by those they touched directly. Yet a successful man gets remembered millennia after his death by those he could have never known.

 

Are you joking around, or serious? If you're serious, you need to read a LOT more to get up to speed on reality.

[Ruby Slippers]

???

 

So nice, upstanding men and women who have strong character and a backbone cant be great in bed? Does no one see the idiocy in these bad body-nice guy and nice girl-bitch arguments? Since when was it that only crappy human beings had good sex.

Yeah, but the fact is that people who are stable, successful, AND great lovers are hard to find. They are the best of the best, and everybody wants them. It's why I'm doing better with dating than I expected to, now that I'm back out there.