Renard99 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Hello all This feels strange in a way, having gone from posting my problems when I first joined on here to slowly getting to a point where I gave advice on other peoples problems.... I suddenly find myself posting my problems again. Basically, towards the end of last year, when I felt ready to move on I joined a few dating sites. I joined one on a free trial not knowing what to expect, and, having found out it was more geared towards one night stands and friends with benefits, I decided not to keep going with the site, leaving my profile half filled out. As the months went by I totally forgot about the site and that I still had a profile, especially as all the emails from the site were going into my junk folder (which I normally leave as they're deleted after 3 months anyway). I think you may see where this is going....... Today, I was having trouble with my email program so decided to clear out the junk folder manually. I selected the first email, which was from this dating site and went to click delete when I noticed the actual email in the preview window...... "Hello Renard99 We think (my ex) would be perfect for you. Message her now and maybe you can get some action tonight!" It then proceeded to show all the saucy lingerie pictures she'd posted to her profile. It was definitely her. What made me do it, I really really really have no idea, and I don't remember doing it, but I clicked her profile and read her description........ she's basically looking for some action locally. This all left me feeling very very weird and in some ways, upset. The reason for this is that after 7 years together, at the age of 27 she suddenly went through a period of self discovery and changed herself in many ways whilst wanting experience more in life (she had a sheltered upbringing)......and I no longer fitted in to equation so she dumped me 18 months ago. Now, the problem I had in the immediate break up was that the more she changed, the more she came out of her shell and the more I liked who she was....... and frankly, when it came to the bedroom, my sex drive had always been greater than hers and she was rather reserved. Reading her profile now on this one night stand site, she's certainly no longer reserved..... which is how I wished she would be when we were together. It makes me angry as it makes me feel like she hid things from me, it makes me paranoid that maybe she didn't do these things with me because she didn't really like me enough to want to, and it makes me upset because I never got to be there when she 'spread her wings' (and I mean in general, not just the bedroom) Now, don't think for a minute that I want her back. I can list a few things that I was glad to get away from... she was lazy, awful with money, indecisive and whilst loving and caring, she never put much effort into the relationship, happy for it to roll along yet at the same time complaining that things were getting boring. Of course, not forgetting that this is now a woman who actively advertises she wants to sleep around. Many of these things I realised after the break up but part of me now wonders if things have changed with her. It's merely curiosity. This whole thing has not opened on old wound, only made a healed wound itch a little, drawing attention to the scar. It worries me simply because I have a new girlfriend. Even if my ex came back (she has tried once) I'd never leave my current girlfriend for her but I worry that when I see my girlfriend later today, she'll sense I've been 'shaken'. I can honestly say that I haven't had a single thought about my ex for months, life has been going well for me lately and my new girlfriend is awesome, so why has this caused such and emotional whirlwind in me? I actually feel disgusted that I'm looking at my ex in the way I used to and the way should be looking at my current girlfriend, yet I'm still doing it........ am I not really over my ex? Sorry for the rant!
Philosoraptor Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 It's funny how these things happen at the strangest times. You'll be ok though if it's not bogging your mind down. I do worry for your new partner as she should have the opportunity to have all of you.
Author Renard99 Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) The thing is, it is bogging my mind down, mainly in the sense that it's made me question my time with her. You'd think that you know someone after knowing them for 8 years overall and living together for 3 years. I know people change over the years, i certainly have, but i can't get my head around my ex's complete 180 degree change. My ex has become like a very familiar stranger. The kind that when you're walking down the street your brain says 'i know you from somewhere but i can't quite place my finger on where', causing you to stare whilst trying to work it out, when what you should actually be doing is concentrating on where you're walking so you don't bump into the street lamp. I worry for my new partner too and i agree, she should have all of me. Like i said above though, this is honestly the first thought about my ex I've had for months, she'd gone from my thoughts, so my current girlfriend has had all of me whilst we've been dating, and it's that fact that has scared me the most about this current turn of events. The fact that these feelings have seemingly emerged from no where after 18 months. Edited June 1, 2012 by Renard99
Philosoraptor Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 People make wild changes when they're hurt, it's not abnormal at all. Take your focus off of your ex because she really doesn't matter anymore. She's out of your life and free to whatever she'd like with her own life now.
Sugarkane Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 What sort of dating site was this? From my experience you're not allowed to post lingerie style photos. Nit on the one Ive used.
Author Renard99 Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Believe me, I'm certainly trying to shift my focus and i know she can do whatever she wants. I have plenty of rational arguments as to why I'd never want her back and why i shouldn't care , after all, that's the way I've been for months now, it's just the fact the thoughts remain despite those rational arguments that concerns me. It's like having a song that you hate stuck in your head, you know it will go away in 24 hours, it's just annoying and alarming whilst it's in there. It doesn't help that, after a very busy period at work, i decided to take today off specifically in order to do absolutely nothing to recharge my my batteries. This down time has given my thoughts a platform from which to shout from.
Author Renard99 Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) Sugarkane, it's a one night stand dating site, the whole idea is that you are pimping yourself out for the night. Considering she's wearing lingerie, she was over dressed compared to some other profiles. I initially signed up for the free trial not knowing it was a one night stand site and immediately abandoned it when i found out. Edited June 1, 2012 by Renard99 spelling after using autocorrect on phone
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