BurningBright Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Okay, here's the deal. I consider myself a very nice person. I will do/ give anything I can to someone I care about (friends, relatives, bf's, etc). I am there for them when they want to talk, or for anything else they may need help with. With the girls I am friends with.. they think of me as a very nice person. In fact, a girl I just met a few days ago told my one friend "Man, she's awesome!". With this, I don't have a problem. They understand that I am just nice, and not trying to overly impress, etc. With my male friends; however, they tell me I'm too nice.. and that's why I'm single (some of my gal pals actually agree with that also.). How can a person be too nice??? I still look out for myself, but I also look out for others. To everyone out there (especially the males)... what is your view on this. Can someone be too nice??? Also, if this is possible, would this stop you from dating them? ~BurningBright p.s. After reading this, the description of "people pleaser" may be thought. I do like to make ppl happy, but I don't HAVE to. I also have that "b**chy" side . I do continue to care for myself also, and if me helping someone else would put me in serious harm, I would most likely put myself first. (in certain circumstances)
ThisGirlNameKD Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Unfortunately I'm not a guy BurningBright. But I think the question of whether you're too nice would depend on what kind of guy would be attracted to you. Some men would feel that a woman that's too nice is too sweet or wholesome....she doesn't have sexual prowess, is not sexually adventurous or freaky. Some guys feel that a woman that has a witchy (replace the w with a b) edge to her has more of an ability to be a freak between the sheets. So it has alot to do with sex when you boil down to it. Think about it...which one do you think a guy would most likely want to have sex with...an Angelina Jolie-type or Reese Witherspoon-type?
magda Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Eh, you sure they didn't use "nice" as a way to describe something else? Like, being a pushover? Naive? Or maybe you're so "nice" you make everyone else feel like a**h***s? Just speculating. There's nothing wrong with being nice as long as your nice because you genuinely care about other people (and still have a personality).. and nice is not a way of accurately gauging how someone is in the sack. It's what's behind the nice.
Author BurningBright Posted June 28, 2004 Author Posted June 28, 2004 ThisGirlNameKD, I totally understand your point. That's where it somewhat gets more complicated on my part. With one male in particular that I have had sex with. He says i'm a freak. I have that dark, edgy thing going on in the bedroom. In one of my favorite songs, there is a line that reads "I want a lady on the street, but a freak in the bed"... That is me!! Maybe however, they get the two qualities mixed up. I'm not sure. I can understand the men that haven't been with me behind closed doors having the idea that I'm a good girl, not a freaky thought in me, but for the guys I have been with to say that I'm too nice (as did the one who said I was a freak in the bed)... that's what is making me wonder. LOL, ah men, got to love em! Is it possible that guys are intimidated by nice girls? I just can't see the relevance behind it. ~BurningBright
Author BurningBright Posted June 28, 2004 Author Posted June 28, 2004 magda, I would be thinking those exact descriptions if someone was asking me this same question. I'm far from naive ( I have a lot of common sense, and can read ppl well), and I'm definitely not a push over. I'll sit and have a joyful conversation with pretty much anyone. Although, when it comes to the nice things I do, it's mainly for those who really do need it. For instance, a friend of mine works amazingly long hours. This person allowed me to stay at their home for a weekend, without it costing me a penny. While this friend was at work, I did the dishes, tidied up a bit. Just the simple things that others may not have done. I guess nice is too general of a statement? Maybe considerate should be used instead. Another example was when I was introduced to two females I had never met before at a club (I was introduced through the same friend who allowed me to stay at his home). They were mainly sticking together, and I could see they felt somewhat intimidated by the fact they didn't know anyone within the group of people we were standing with. So I started conversation. Many of my friends didn't even attempt this. They didn't even acknowledge them being there after the introductions. After I started talking with them, they eased themselves into the group, and they had a great night. These are just some examples of the "nice" things I do. It's not like I'll max out my credit card to buy someone a car if they don't have one! and nice is not a way of accurately gauging how someone is in the sack. It's what's behind the nice. I couldn't agree more!!!! You can't judge a book by it's cover.... ~BurningBright:p
blue17 Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 I'm sure you are a very nice person, but sometimes this perceived niceness can go to far. Perhaps you might be a pushover in some ways, and letting people take advantage of you if not being nice. That is not standing up for yourself. A lot of people view that as a way of being friendly, but in actual fact that is not the case. Maybe you should try to continue ur niceness, but don't let guys ( or girls ) take advantage of you. (I'm not saying you are a pushover just making guesses given the limited info I have) Guys like a nice girl to hang out with, but if they are too nice they might not be interested. Part of the attraction to people is someone who be objective once in a while, who'll stand up for themselves and say their opinion. Even if every bird in the flock doesn't agree, it's part of being open and a little of that keeps guys interested. There is nothing more boring than someone who agrees with everything you say and doesn't EVER ruffle any feathers. You can still be a very nice person and still be objectionable once in a while.
magda Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 I think it's rude not to do those things you use as example. So, when your friends told you all this, what did they say when you asked, "why do you say this? what do you mean?"
dudesomewhere Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 only if you're a jackass do you ever use some excuse as someone is too nice. That comes from some corrupted view on self confidence, over compensation, lack of esteem...etc etc. If you grow up healthy and strong minded you'll never thing anyone is "too nice". And some of those examples given on what type to have sex with...neither, I have my own . so...a lot of it comes from the sub conscious realization that they suck...ie., meaning they aren't all that good of a person to begin with. You know, the selfish, self-absorbed arrogant for nothing types who basically see the mirror of truth when they run into a good person...kind of makes them embarassed for being so ASS
Author BurningBright Posted June 28, 2004 Author Posted June 28, 2004 Magda, my gal friends have just basically said they love me for who I am, and that I am a nice person. For the one guy in particular that had said this.. When I asked him "How am I too nice??", he didn't answer. He just shrugged it off. Then I said "Well I thought I was just being considerate" and then he just chuckled. Although, I must say that when I finished tidying the house, and after most of the nice things I did, I did get thanked. It's just when he through that line to me "YOU'RE TOO NICE", I was surprised. I do stand up for myself, and most definitely have my own opinions and am not afraid to say what I think. This is actually the quality that attracted this male friend and me together (to begin the friendship). He loved the idea that I don't change my opinion because someone else may have a different one. Sure it gives me insight, but I'm not necessarily going to change my views. (and yes, he told me all this directly) dudesomewhere, I think you make a great point. Many of those qualities sound like the guy that had said this. Maybe since I was being so nice to his friends at the club and whatnot, and he was just chilling at the side it made him see that he can be a ass. Good Thinking!! Thank you all so much!! If you have any other opinions please don't hesitate ~BurningBright
ThisGirlNameKD Posted June 29, 2004 Posted June 29, 2004 I think dudesomewhere hit it on the head. That's why I said earlier that it depends on what kind of guy would be attracted to you. Now I went into the sexual thing because that's part of it, but personality also. A person that's a witch does not like to be around someone who is nice because it makes them feel guilty for being a witch. You sound like a pretty strong and confident person that does not have to resort to rudeness. Some people just can't relate to that.
adfqwer32 Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 Maybe by nice they mean you flirt to much. Being extremely nice to guys, give them the impression they have a chance with you. What guy would actually want a serious relationship with you if they see how "nice" you are to all these other guys?
Author BurningBright Posted June 30, 2004 Author Posted June 30, 2004 Well with the guy that told me I am too nice.. he hasn't really seen me around any other guys. It's just mainly the other girl's he is friends with. Also, there were not any other males there when I was doing the dishes I can see where you are coming from, and how flirting can be seen as being nice. My style of flirting really isn't that though. When I'm being nice to someone, I'm not necessarily asking or trying to hook up, or have interest brought towards me, it's just who I am. This person knows this, and knows when I am flirting.. so it doesn't really apply to my situation. I could see this being true in other scenarios however. Thanks for the help! ~BurningBright
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