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He thinks it's more serious than it is...nagging me about facebook...

Leopard

By Leopard
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Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

Posted
Posted

I have photos with him on my facebook, but he insists to make it my PROFILE. Suggestions?

 

WTF is wrong with the guy ?

He is arguing over where the pictures of him reside..

 

and... you really need to dump a guy that you don't respect.. and yes.. you don't respect him..

 

100-1 he senses your disrespect for him and is looking for a morsel or tidbit to stroke his insecurity badge.

 

This seems more like the problem of the profile pic was created becuase you guys are just not into each other.

writergal Established Member

writergal

Posted
Posted (edited)

You certainly do not like your boyfriend. That's a lie. You've written that you don't respect your boyfriend - aka not proud of who he is - and that you don't want a serious relationship with him.

 

Are you only dating him for the sex? Or is it for his companionship so you don't have to be alone? In other words, it comes across like you're using him for your own benefit while he genuinely wants you to publicly acknowledge your relationship to your friends and family which you refuse to do because you don't want him in your life long term. But you've strung him along for 8 months. And I'm sure your boyfriend is aware that you don't like him and is acting insecure, which makes you feel guilty, so you berate him even more so he feels responsible for your behavior so you don't have to own up to yours. I feel sorry for your boyfriend.

 

Time to cut the strings and let him go so he can be with a woman who genuinely likes him (which you clearly have stated that you don't). He will be heart broken but better now than later.

 

 

I never said I don't like him. I said that i'm not proud of who he is, and I don't want anything serious. If i'm with him I obviously like him.
Edited by writergal
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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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Yeah back to the topic of you being a contradictory horrific example of a insignificant other. Do you at least have sex with him? I mean that is all you are good for it seems, personality wise, I would rather date a female version of Dog the Bounty Hunter.

 

How dare you accuse me of such things when you don't know me at all? I asked for facebook advice, not your opinion on my relationship. I couldn't care less about how "horrific" an example I am. Neither of us are complaining, and unless you know us personally, don't open your mouth. We have a normal relationship and yes, that includes sex.

 

In other words, it comes across like you're using him for your own benefit while he genuinely wants you to publicly acknowledge your relationship to your friends and family which you refuse to do because you don't want him in your life long term.

 

Huh? He has met my friends and my family. I don't want long term but that doesn't make him any less a part of my life. I just don't want him on my facebook.

 

It doesn't matter now anyways, I deleted my account today.

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Feelsgoodman Established Member

Feelsgoodman

Posted
Posted
It's not that I don't want to scare off any potential guys, it's that i'm not particularly proud of him. He isn't good looking, he doesn't have anything to show for (doesn't have a career or any other accomplishments) so putting a picture of us would be like showing him off and displaying that I am taken.

Congratulations. You've managed to totally contracdict yourself in only two sentences. Female logic at it's finest :laugh:

 

Out of curiosity, if he is such a dud, why are you dating him in the fist place, even if not very seriously? No one should be in a relationship with someone they are ashamed of.

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SerCay Established Member

SerCay

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Posted
I never said I don't like him. I said that i'm not proud of who he is, and I don't want anything serious. If i'm with him I obviously like him.

 

Wow..this must mean you're not in love with your bf, then I wonder why are you with him?

 

The automatic assumption one can make is that he's your fall-back. That sounds insecure.

 

He's pushing you to put up a Facebook pic because he senses the way you feel about him and is putting you up for a test, it's not really about Facebook self.

 

You on the other hand, stop being so insecure and stringing a guy along you are not in love with, and tell him you are not interested in a serious relationship and you will probably flee when you actually fall in love with someone..see how he reacts then :)

  • Like 1
SerCay Established Member

SerCay

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oh and btw I'm not saying this in an offensive way, I have been where your bf is right now ;) so I can relate. Among other reasons, his making an issue out of FB was one of the reasons to break up with my bf.

 

The thing is, even if you WERE proud of him and even if you DID love him and had future plans with him, like my ex did with me, you wouldn't add him there anyway, because you probably just don't feel like adjusting to a little validation your lover needs..so you rather delete your FB. Like my ex did. LOL

phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
You're probably best suited to give him an ultimatum of 'no picture on Facebook or no relationship'.

 

I see no reason to end the relationship if you're happy or content where it is unless you have better prospects. To me your situation is no different than a guy dating a gal or being in a relationship with a gal when he has no intention on marrying her. I don't see an time period in which you're obligated to be serious about the guy or that you should be proud to show him off. As long as it's not illegal or abusive and it's mutual I'm not seeing an issue.

 

I agree with this.

As soon as someone wants more though you cut them lose.

OP isn't following protocol.

kaylan Established Member

kaylan

Posted
Posted (edited)
I have been dating this sweet guy for almost 8 months now. He keeps bothering me to put a picture of us as my profile picture on facebook.

 

I know it's silly because it's just facebook, but the thing is, I really don't want to. I know it's been 8 months, but I don't consider this a serious relationship, and I have expressed to him that I don't want to get serious, that I like where we are and I don't plan on going not one step further.

 

We have fought about this before, and I told him I don't want him in my facebook. It's not that I don't want to scare off any potential guys, it's that i'm not particularly proud of him. He isn't good looking, he doesn't have anything to show for (doesn't have a career or any other accomplishments) so putting a picture of us would be like showing him off and displaying that I am taken. I don't want to do that, but he keeps nagging me about it like a clingy girlfriend.

 

I don't want to end a perfectly normal relationship over dumb sh*t like this, but apparently to him it matters a lot. Why on earth does he want this so bad when he knows I don't want to get serious with him? Why is a picture such a big deal?

 

I have photos with him on my facebook, but he insists to make it my PROFILE. Suggestions?

Wow...you are selfish. Suggestions? Yes....dump him.

 

He obviously likes you more than you like him. Why the hell are you wasting his time if you have no future together. And man...if you have no options such that you have to put yourself in a go-no-where "relationship" with an unattractive man whos got nothing going for him, then I guess that says a lot about you and the quality of woman you are.

 

And to drag out a "relationship" for 8 months with someone you deem an unattractive loser? Man...Id really want to know what you look like and what youve accomplished if thats the kind of man you have to date. If youre in such a position to judge him and be on a high horse, then Id expect youd have other suitors, no? But that doesnt appear to be the case.

 

Grow up and let this guy go.

I have been honest with him. I told him I don't want anything serious (as in marriage, kids and moving in together). I told him this, so I am not being dishonest with him.

 

I told him I don't want to put a picture of us, but he is still nagging me about it. That's why i'm here, I want him off my back about it. There is no dishonesty here.

Heres an idea!

 

How about you simply tell him flat out, that you guys have NO chance of a future together. Tell him everything youve told us. You obviously have no backbone either since you stay in a relationship you dont really like all because you cant be alone and have no other options. Yet you criticize your "boyfriend".

 

Honey, go to court with your "boyfriend" so you two can file name change papers. His new name will be Kettle Black, and your name will be Pot Black. No relation obviously.

You're probably best suited to give him an ultimatum of 'no picture on Facebook or no relationship'.

 

I see no reason to end the relationship if you're happy or content where it is unless you have better prospects. To me your situation is no different than a guy dating a gal or being in a relationship with a gal when he has no intention on marrying her. I don't see an time period in which you're obligated to be serious about the guy or that you should be proud to show him off. As long as it's not illegal or abusive and it's mutual I'm not seeing an issue.

Im not surprised by this selfish advice.

Edited by kaylan
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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

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Out of curiosity, if he is such a dud, why are you dating him in the fist place, even if not very seriously?

 

Because he is a great person and I enjoy my time and relationship with him.

 

Wow..this must mean you're not in love with your bf, then I wonder why are you with him?

 

LOL

 

You're joking right? People go their entire lives without falling in love, and you're telling me I should ONLY date people I am in love with? LOL

 

A lot of the world settles because they think like you. They wait and wait to fall in love, and when it never happens, they figure they might as well settle because they realize it won't happen. If it does happen, its rare that its with a person that is long-term material. And if it is, you are a lucky person.

 

For the rest of us, we grow out of this silly fairy tale.

RedRobin Established Member

RedRobin

Posted
Posted
Why is the guy the victim here? Why is it her fault or responsibility that he doesn't have the backbone to move on from a woman who clearly doesn't think much of him?

 

A woman keeps going back to an ogre who beats her, and people blame her. But this spineless guy stays in a relationship with a woman who's ashamed to be with him, and it's her fault?

 

If he doesn't like it, he should hit the road.

 

All that said, yeah, just break up with him. This isn't going anywhere, and it's just going to get messier.

 

Because people aren't mind-readers. I sincerely doubt this woman has told this man everything she has said to complete strangers here.

 

People who have a conscience actually do care about not knowingly hurting people they spend time with.

 

Something you could stand to learn on your way 'up', Miss Thang.

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted

So what you're saying is that you want a FWB relationship with him with no obligation further than that. The problem is, your bf wants more. You keep saying you don't want anything serious because he's not good enough for a serious relationship with you, but your bf is already in love with you and wants a real relationship with you. You need to cut him loose before he invests more time into this relationship and more of his heart. To continue to string him along knowing what his feelings are for you and that he wants and hopes for more, is showing no concern for him or what he will go through when you do break it off with him. You know you will be breaking his heart, so don't allow him to invest more time under his delusion that he will be able to get you to be more than a FWB. You know he will be nothing more than that, so don't let him go on believing that it could be more. The longer he stays in the relationship, the more he will think it has a chance of being more to you, and the harder it will be for him when it does end. If you have such a low opinion of him that you are ashamed of him and have no respect for him, then you really don't belong in even a FWB relationship with him. If he knew your true feelings about him, he would be devastated. Don't continue deceiving him and leading him on. If you know he wants more and is so invested in the relationship, then you are leading him on by continuing in the relationship knowing he has hopes that it be more. It's time to let this guy go so he can have the opportunity to find someone who can appreciate him--who doesn't have such a low opinion of him. It's not fair to him to continue with him when you have such a low opinion of him and when he has false hope that the relationship will be something more.

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Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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So OP, if you feel like you can do better (which s obvious because you think he is "beneath" you) - why aren't you doing better?

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Nohbody Established Member

Nohbody

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I believe you should sit down with no expectations and tell him the absolute truth, including things you've mentioned here that you don't think you could tell him. He may surprise you, he may not. But I think you should really open up to him, because this isn't really about facebook, is it? Not for either of you.

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veggirl Established Member

veggirl

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not wanting a LTR is fine. Continuing to bait and lead on someone who clearly DOES is wrong.

 

What constitutes long term, anyway? It's been 8 months, what will your cut off be? A year? 2? When will you decide it's hit "long term" and break up? When you meet someone else?

 

This just all sounds like a headache, not sure why you wanna deal with a naggy guy who you don't even seem to like all that much.

LittleTiger Established Member

LittleTiger

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Does every couple want to show each other off? Is that how it's supposed to be? Because in the few relationships that I had, I never felt like showing off my boyfriends.

 

Generally, yes! :confused:

 

I've read the whole thread but have absolutely no idea why you are in this 'relationship'. Why would anyone want to spend eight months 'dating' someone they do not respect and are not proud to be seen with?

 

Question for you OP - what is stopping you from dumping this guy?

rana-rana Established Member

rana-rana

Posted
Posted
I have been dating this sweet guy for almost 8 months now. He keeps bothering me to put a picture of us as my profile picture on facebook.

 

I know it's silly because it's just facebook, but the thing is, I really don't want to. I know it's been 8 months, but I don't consider this a serious relationship, and I have expressed to him that I don't want to get serious, that I like where we are and I don't plan on going not one step further.

 

We have fought about this before, and I told him I don't want him in my facebook. It's not that I don't want to scare off any potential guys, it's that i'm not particularly proud of him. He isn't good looking, he doesn't have anything to show for (doesn't have a career or any other accomplishments) so putting a picture of us would be like showing him off and displaying that I am taken. I don't want to do that, but he keeps nagging me about it like a clingy girlfriend.

 

I don't want to end a perfectly normal relationship over dumb sh*t like this, but apparently to him it matters a lot. Why on earth does he want this so bad when he knows I don't want to get serious with him? Why is a picture such a big deal?

 

I have photos with him on my facebook, but he insists to make it my PROFILE. Suggestions?

 

whats wrong with u? why are u dating guys that arent attractive? cant u do better than that?

wildgeese Established Member

wildgeese

Posted
Posted
Because he is a great person and I enjoy my time and relationship with him.

 

 

 

LOL

 

You're joking right? People go their entire lives without falling in love, and you're telling me I should ONLY date people I am in love with? LOL

 

A lot of the world settles because they think like you. They wait and wait to fall in love, and when it never happens, they figure they might as well settle because they realize it won't happen. If it does happen, its rare that its with a person that is long-term material. And if it is, you are a lucky person.

 

For the rest of us, we grow out of this silly fairy tale.

 

And some of us realize that being with someone "just for now" and "just for fun" is incredibly hurtful when it's not mutual. Yes, this guy should leave you. But the fact that you're blaming him for being in love with you and refusing to leave because of the qualities you actually do like (which are qualities that any friend can fulfill), is really hard for me to wrap my head around. You obviously have a chip on your shoulder about love and relationships in general. That's too bad and I hope that some day you realize that people should be treated with more respect than you are giving them. I'm sorry you haven't found someone yet that you can respect, love, and be proud of. Those partnerships aren't myths and the fact that you're treating all of this with such a self-serving attitude is incredibly immature. But seriously, let this guy go because you're just going to do that anyway as soon as you find someone who does fit those requirements. You're both weak in this arrangement - him for not respecting himself enough to leave and you for not respecting yourself enough to be kind.

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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Posted

I just don't realize what the person of being with him is. Why?

truth_seeker Established Member

truth_seeker

Posted
Posted
I have been dating this sweet guy for almost 8 months now. He keeps bothering me to put a picture of us as my profile picture on facebook.

 

I know it's silly because it's just facebook, but the thing is, I really don't want to. I know it's been 8 months, but I don't consider this a serious relationship, and I have expressed to him that I don't want to get serious, that I like where we are and I don't plan on going not one step further.

 

We have fought about this before, and I told him I don't want him in my facebook. It's not that I don't want to scare off any potential guys, it's that i'm not particularly proud of him. He isn't good looking, he doesn't have anything to show for (doesn't have a career or any other accomplishments) so putting a picture of us would be like showing him off and displaying that I am taken. I don't want to do that, but he keeps nagging me about it like a clingy girlfriend.

 

I don't want to end a perfectly normal relationship over dumb sh*t like this, but apparently to him it matters a lot. Why on earth does he want this so bad when he knows I don't want to get serious with him? Why is a picture such a big deal?

 

I have photos with him on my facebook, but he insists to make it my PROFILE. Suggestions?

 

If this is real, then quite honestly, you're a self-centered, self-absorbed bitch! You're not proud of him? He's not good-looking? You painted him to be a loser, so the question is then why in the hell have you been dating this guy for 8 months?

 

Sounds to me he is just there for you to kill time and get your needs fulfilled until a better guy comes along. Poor bastard. I hope he wins the lottery, gets a makeover, and drops you for a supermodel. Let there be KARMA!

  • Like 1
phineas Established Member

phineas

Posted
Posted
If this is real, then quite honestly, you're a self-centered, self-absorbed bitch! You're not proud of him? He's not good-looking? You painted him to be a loser, so the question is then why in the hell have you been dating this guy for 8 months?

 

Sounds to me he is just there for you to kill time and get your needs fulfilled until a better guy comes along. Poor bastard. I hope he wins the lottery, gets a makeover, and drops you for a supermodel. Let there be KARMA!

 

Maybe he doesn't need to hit the lottery.

Perhaps the reason she is with him s because he's got bank?

 

I can't honestly think of any reason why a woman would want to keep her man hidden from the world.

 

If a woman doesn't want to show me off to her friends then I assume she just isn't into me all that much.

  • Like 2
Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted
People who have a conscience actually do care about not knowingly hurting people they spend time with.

 

Something you could stand to learn on your way 'up', Miss Thang.

Miss Thang? :laugh: What is your problem with me? All the bitchy little comments here and there.

 

When I'm seeing a guy who likes me more than I like him, I'm totally honest with him about where I stand. He can choose to STAY or GO. They usually want to stay - and why is that? Because I think most men enjoy a challenge.

 

The guy I've been seeing lately is used to women falling down at his feet because he's so charming and sexy. Just that is never going to be enough for me. He has told me that me not being impressed with him unless he brings his best on all levels FIRES HIM UP to bring his best. He said he's never met a woman with the self-respect and dignity that I have, and it's a major turn-on. No matter where the relationship goes, we've got a good energy going that he's choosing to enjoy and use wisely.

 

If it gets more negative than positive for him, he is free to bail. But even with a bunch of adoring women on the sideline, he's still interested in me - because he knows it's good for him to get off his ass and do something with his life.

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Leopard Established Member

Leopard

Posted
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Posted (edited)
So OP, if you feel like you can do better (which s obvious because you think he is "beneath" you) - why aren't you doing better?

 

If I had to wait for a man that I actually WANTED to date -meaning a guy that didn't chase me until I finally agreed - then I would still never have been in a relationship. In terms of love and relationships with men, I haven't ever been swept off my feet, impressed or even intrigued by a man.

 

That's why I date great guys who deserve a chance. Oftentimes they turn out to be much better than what I expect, but that doesn't mean they change as a person entirely and become the kinda man that I would want as a long term partner.

 

Question for you OP - what is stopping you from dumping this guy?

 

Oh gawsh... here goes... because nothing better has come along. I don't think anything better will, because this man is really awesome. He's just really poor and not good-looking. Otherwise, he is a dream.

 

Can his looks outweigh his other qualities? No. But they definitely outweigh him in my facebook profile. Besides, we have pictures together on the damn facebook, holding hands, kissing. It's not a secret.

 

But another guy called me on it. It never was about facebook.

 

whats wrong with u? why are u dating guys that arent attractive? cant u do better than that?

 

I can, but the attractive guys are usually dickh*les that are only good for sex. The sex is great, no doubt, but now i'm trying to other end of it. Now i'm dating a great guy who doesn't have the looks. It's a nice experience and I think that's why it's not as easy to dump him, because he's actually kind and generous and nice and sweet etc etc

 

I just don't realize what the person of being with him is. Why?

 

Honestly, because I am enjoying a normal relationship for the first time in my life. Even if it's not long term, I am learning and growing as a person with this experience. I am making memories, and I also have influenced him in many good ways like he has influenced me. We have both helped each other with certain personal issues or family problems etc.

 

People are making this relationship out to be a horrible thing where I am using him, but it's not like that. We have a great relationship and we are learning from each other, and have grown as individuals with our experiences with each other.

 

Only he's ugly. Now is him being not good looking REALLY a good reason to throw away such a good person? REALLY?!

 

That would be pretty selfish if you ask me. But that's what everyone on here is saying. "You're not proud of him, throw him away". I'm proud of who he is, just not how he looks.

 

I don't want long term, even though he does, but he doesn't want it NOW. He wants it eventually (he is also young, he is 25). So as we have discussed, we will take it day by day and see where it goes.

 

If you haven't already read, I deleted my account anyways. So no more of those childish fights. So stupid.

Edited by Leopard
FryFish Established Member

FryFish

Posted
Posted
Oh gawsh... here goes... because nothing better has come along.
Wow... You should let your ugly boyfriend know that the reason you dont want him on your facebook is because he is only your boyfriend until something better comes along...
  • Like 1
Juninho Member

Juninho

Posted
Posted

OP has/had a guy on her Facebook she likes more than her 'boyfriend' and doesn't want him that guy knowing about her 'boyfriend'

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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