He thinks it's more serious than it is...nagging me about facebook...

[Leopard]

I don't understand why I need to break up with him just because I don't want to shout that he is my boyfriend to the world.

 

I am not ashamed of him. When people ask if I have a boyfriend, or if we are together, I never hesitate. I just don't want to show him off.

 

Does every couple want to show each other off? Is that how it's supposed to be? Because in the few relationships that I had, I never felt like showing off my boyfriends.

[Ruby Slippers]

Well, he likes you more than you like him, and he's getting whiny about it.

 

But maybe he gets off on it. Some people are masochists.

 

He's free to leave.

[Leopard]

Yah that's true. He definitely likes me more. But isn't it always like that in a relationship?

 

I don't think it's possible for two people to like/love each other absolutely equally...

[wordrock]

Why is the guy the victim here? Why is it her fault or responsibility that he doesn't have the backbone to move on from a woman who clearly doesn't think much of him?

 

A woman keeps going back to an ogre who beats her, and people blame her. But this spineless guy stays in a relationship with a woman who's ashamed to be with him, and it's her fault?

 

If he doesn't like it, he should hit the road.

 

All that said, yeah, just break up with him. This isn't going anywhere, and it's just going to get messier.

 

Why?

 

Number one, she isn't being honest with him. She's telling a bunch of strangers on the internet, but not the person who it matters most to. Him. It plain she does not communicate much with him.

 

Number two, she's obviously stringing him along but he's obviously too inexperienced to understand what is going on. That added to the fact that she's not being up front with him is why this discussion is even occurring.

 

Number three, because I am a man and I am giving a man's perspective. Just as you are giving a woman's perspective. I can try to pretend to be as objective as I want, but when it get's down to it every opinion is subjective.

[wordrock]

Does every couple want to show each other off? Is that how it's supposed to be? Because in the few relationships that I had, I never felt like showing off my boyfriends.

 

Christ, you are a terrible woman.

[Leopard]

I have been honest with him. I told him I don't want anything serious (as in marriage, kids and moving in together). I told him this, so I am not being dishonest with him.

 

I told him I don't want to put a picture of us, but he is still nagging me about it. That's why i'm here, I want him off my back about it. There is no dishonesty here.

[gaius]

I told him I don't want to put a picture of us, but he is still nagging me about it. That's why i'm here, I want him off my back about it. There is no dishonesty here.

Next time he starts nagging post a pic of you and a guy that isn't him.

[Ruby Slippers]

Number one, she isn't being honest with him. She's telling a bunch of strangers on the internet, but not the person who it matters most to. Him.

She told him she doesn't want anything serious. She told him she doesn't want him in her FB profile picture. It sounds to me like she's being completely honest, loud and clear.

 

A man tells a woman he "doesn't want anything serious", and everybody jumps all over that woman for trying to worm him into having a relationship with her, anyway, and tells her she's an idiot chasing bad boys. But reverse the sexes, and the woman is still the bad guy!

 

Number two, she's obviously stringing him along but he's obviously too inexperienced to understand what is going on.

But women in their 20s who want more than just sex and light fun with an uncommitted guy aren't victims - they are totally responsible for their poor judgment. Right?

 

Number three, because I am a man and I am giving a man's perspective. Just as you are giving a woman's perspective. I can try to pretend to be as objective as I want, but when it get's down to it every opinion is subjective.

Just think about this situation from the inverse. What if a girl came here posting about how her boyfriend told her he didn't want anything serious and didn't want her in his FB profile pic? Would y'all be ripping the guy a new one? No, you'd tell her she's a fool for chasing after a guy who clearly doesn't like her that much.

[wordrock]

Just think about this situation from the inverse. What if a girl came here posting about how her boyfriend told her he didn't want anything serious and didn't want her in his FB profile pic? Would y'all be ripping the guy a new one? No, you'd tell her she's a fool for chasing after a guy who clearly doesn't like her that much.

 

 

I sure would. I'd also call out the guy for leading a girl on like that. Just as I pointed out in my first reply to this thread:

 

You are plainly communicating to him in non verbal ways that you aren't that into him and he's very insecure about the relationship. A confident and well adjusted man would never make a stupid request like that... he is doing it as a way to test whether you're really into him.

 

It's lame of him, but it's it's lame that you're still with him!

 

You are attempting to attribute thoughts to me that I never stated. I'm not going to bother pointing out which ones. I've already stated I think she should break things off with him. Arguing about a Facebook profile picture? He sounds pretty pathetic.

[Andy_K]

A man tells a woman he "doesn't want anything serious", and everybody jumps all over that woman for trying to worm him into having a relationship with her, anyway, and tells her she's an idiot chasing bad boys. But reverse the sexes, and the woman is still the bad guy!

 

Just think about this situation from the inverse. What if a girl came here posting about how her boyfriend told her he didn't want anything serious and didn't want her in his FB profile pic? Would y'all be ripping the guy a new one? No, you'd tell her she's a fool for chasing after a guy who clearly doesn't like her that much.

 

Oh come on, don't play the gender card here, you know it's crap. Everyone knows that BOTH parties should take responsibility, whichever way around it is.

 

The 'Victim' should have the sense to get out, and the user should have the empathy and compassion to cut them loose. Since on these forums we are only talking to one of the two people involved, they're always (rightly) going to get a slating for being at fault, regardless of which side of the fence they are on and what gender they are.

[Leopard]

Anyways....back on topic....

 

I'm thinking of deleting facebook altogether. Apparently people think it's soooooo important and it always causes problems.

 

I guess i'll give him an ultimatum. I'm NOT changing my picture, and if it bothers him that much, he is free to go.

[Ruby Slippers]

I hate Facebook, too, and always have. I only set up an account for business purposes.

 

And now, almost every guy I date wants to add me on Facebook. The answer is always no, and I can't believe how bent out of shape some of them get about it! I barely know these guys yet, and I tell them we can be FB friends only if I get to know them and decide it's a good idea.

 

So I fully support you dumping your crappy FB account.

[mtber75]

I have been honest with him. I told him I don't want anything serious (as in marriage, kids and moving in together). I told him this, so I am not being dishonest with him.

 

I told him I don't want to put a picture of us, but he is still nagging me about it. That's why i'm here, I want him off my back about it. There is no dishonesty here.

 

What a cold hearted b@tch you are! You string him along for 8 month, yet you don't respect the guy? You didn't tell him the real reason, yet your telling a bunch of strangers online (further disrespecting the guy)! I do agree that this guy is insecure. But it looks like your pretty insecure yourself since you don't want to part ways with a guy that treats you like a little princess (he's probably your doormat).

[nessaaa]

why don't you leave him alone and find someone who you are proud of then? is it becuase you can't do any better yourself?

obviously he wants something more, so why not let him move on?

 

 

dumb female dog.

[Leopard]

No one is forcing him to stay with me. He can leave anytime he wants.

 

What? I'm supposed to tell him "I'm not proud of you that why I don't want you on facebook or to show you off". Would you ever say that to someone? No, you wouldn't. So shut up.

[ThaWholigan]

Not having a go at you, I don't think you're victimizing the guy, I just think that it's not an arrangement that should continue. You argue you should keep seeing him casually, while he wants something more. It's clear that it's unlikely to end well as a result, so ending things now would be quicker, easier and better all round as he will find a girl who does want what he wants.

 

You say you like him, but not enough to take things forward. Fair enough. You've also told him this, and like a sap, he still wants to take things further with you. I think he should be the one leaving you personally. But if he won't, and you want to keep him around, then do what you want, but I just don't think this would be good for him. If I were a woman in this position, I would have let him go already. If I were the man in this position, I would have gone. This is a strange arrangement to me.

[KathyM]

I'd agree with most of the posters on here who are telling you to let him go. You don't respect him and are ashamed of him, yet you continue to go out with him? That's only setting him up for a lot of hurt down the road, and is really not fair to him if you have those opinions about him but continue to see him. He deserves better. Time to let him go and stop frustrating the guy.

[Leopard]

I'm not disagreeing with you guys. I should let him go.

 

But i've told him that the reason we will break up will be because he wants more, and I don't. I've flat out told him "This is why we will break up just so you know. All this time together won't change my mind about things".

 

I know somewhere in the back of his head he hopes that it will, but I know myself. I don't like dumping people. I always feel bad. Yes I know I know, it will be worse if things continue.

 

Even i've tried "taking breaks" and he still says "We can fix it we can fix it" and it drags on. I guess he is delusional a bit, and I keep reminding him, and if THAT doesn't push him over the edge, then I guess we have to wait until something does.

 

What's worse, is that he has confessed he is in love with me, and he doesn't care as long as he is by my side. How am I supposed to dump him after that? I had no idea until he flat out confessed. Maybe I was stupid or young, but I didn't see that he was falling in love. After he confessed it, the taking breaks and having the talks didn't budge him.

 

He is also very very very stubborn. Maybe it has to do with that too.

 

I don't want to dump him because I enjoy our relationship together, I do! He is sweet and kind and generous and all good things. I just don't see myself with him as a life partner, I don't disrespect him, I don't abuse him or belittle him or force him to stay with me. I always tell him how great he is, how he is such a wonderful person.

 

He has no reason to need me. I'm not his self-esteem or confidence. He is perfectly capable of finding another girl, he just won't unstick from me even through our "breaks" (during our breaks I didn't date anyone else or see anyone else even though I had my eyes open to it).

 

We are both to blame, and I've done everything I could (other than breaking up with him) to let him know where I stand. It's the finally step (dumping him) that I can't do.

[Ruby Slippers]

It's the finally step (dumping him) that I can't do.

Just do it. You'll both be better off in time.

[nessaaa]

No one is forcing him to stay with me. He can leave anytime he wants.

 

What? I'm supposed to tell him "I'm not proud of you that why I don't want you on facebook or to show you off". Would you ever say that to someone? No, you wouldn't. So shut up.

 

I wouldn't go nine months wasting time on a guy I wasn't proud of. you're just using him for ego boost because you can't do any better so be happy with what u can get, beggers can't be choosers

[O'Malley]

I'd disagree that you've been completely upfront. Your actions towards him don't match up with your statements - you're allowing him to provide you relationship benefits, while letting him know that it's "not serious" so that you can absolve yourself of any guilt for his hanging around. You're neither the first nor will you be the last person to do this, we've all been selfish, but you're screwing with his head and heart and only prolonging the inevitable. It also seems that you're more reliant on those benefits than you're willing to admit.

 

Certainly he knows deep down that you mean what you say, but he's resorting to clinginess and desperately trying to prove his intuition wrong. He's irritating you because he's asking, albeit indirectly, why he's good enough to provide you companionship, affection, sex and what not, but not good enough for you to either commit to him or to initiate the breakup yourself. Who can blame him for feeling hurt and resentful? It's not something that you, or anyone else, would want to have done to them.

 

You know what is the best way to handle this, even if you don't like being made to feel like the bad guy.

[udolipixie]

You're probably best suited to give him an ultimatum of 'no picture on Facebook or no relationship'.

 

I see no reason to end the relationship if you're happy or content where it is unless you have better prospects. To me your situation is no different than a guy dating a gal or being in a relationship with a gal when he has no intention on marrying her. I don't see an time period in which you're obligated to be serious about the guy or that you should be proud to show him off. As long as it's not illegal or abusive and it's mutual I'm not seeing an issue.

[Ruby Slippers]

It's not something that you' date=' or anyone else, would want to have done to them.[/quote']

You made some great points, and I totally get what you're saying. But the reason I bristle at this line of commentary is that I don't like the suggestion that anyone is a victim unless they are truly a victim.

 

We ALL have to be our own best advocates and stay out of situations that are not good for us.

 

Apparently, this guy is also reliant on the benefits of this relationship. He is choosing to stay.

 

I totally agree that Leopard should break it off and move on. I just don't like the argument that the guy is a victim. No one has chained the dude to the bed.

[wordrock]

Anyways....back on topic....

 

I'm thinking of deleting facebook altogether. Apparently people think it's soooooo important and it always causes problems.

 

I guess i'll give him an ultimatum. I'm NOT changing my picture, and if it bothers him that much, he is free to go.

 

I think you should delete your Facebook afterwards regardless of what he chooses. It might be a wake up call to him on how stupid he is being.

[Yookie]

Oh come on, don't play the gender card here, you know it's crap. Everyone knows that BOTH parties should take responsibility, whichever way around it is.

 

The 'Victim' should have the sense to get out, and the user should have the empathy and compassion to cut them loose. Since on these forums we are only talking to one of the two people involved, they're always (rightly) going to get a slating for being at fault, regardless of which side of the fence they are on and what gender they are.

 

Yeppers!

 

OP he ADMITTED to being in love with you so please do him and yourself a favor (because he is blinded by love and can't think straight)....

 

This will not end well but it must END sooner rather than later because the longer you drag it out, the harder it will be for HIM to get over you!!!

 

I have been in your shoes and trust me, the longer you prolong the inevitable the more likely he will do things to make YOUR life a living hell for putting his emotions through the ringer. Fair warning...