Jump to content

He thinks it's more serious than it is...nagging me about facebook...

Leopard

By Leopard
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Leopard Established Member

Leopard

Posted
Posted

I have been dating this sweet guy for almost 8 months now. He keeps bothering me to put a picture of us as my profile picture on facebook.

 

I know it's silly because it's just facebook, but the thing is, I really don't want to. I know it's been 8 months, but I don't consider this a serious relationship, and I have expressed to him that I don't want to get serious, that I like where we are and I don't plan on going not one step further.

 

We have fought about this before, and I told him I don't want him in my facebook. It's not that I don't want to scare off any potential guys, it's that i'm not particularly proud of him. He isn't good looking, he doesn't have anything to show for (doesn't have a career or any other accomplishments) so putting a picture of us would be like showing him off and displaying that I am taken. I don't want to do that, but he keeps nagging me about it like a clingy girlfriend.

 

I don't want to end a perfectly normal relationship over dumb sh*t like this, but apparently to him it matters a lot. Why on earth does he want this so bad when he knows I don't want to get serious with him? Why is a picture such a big deal?

 

I have photos with him on my facebook, but he insists to make it my PROFILE. Suggestions?

TheFinalWord Established Member

TheFinalWord

Posted
Posted
I have been dating this sweet guy for almost 8 months now. He keeps bothering me to put a picture of us as my profile picture on facebook.

 

I know it's silly because it's just facebook, but the thing is, I really don't want to. I know it's been 8 months, but I don't consider this a serious relationship, and I have expressed to him that I don't want to get serious, that I like where we are and I don't plan on going not one step further.

 

We have fought about this before, and I told him I don't want him in my facebook. It's not that I don't want to scare off any potential guys, it's that i'm not particularly proud of him. He isn't good looking, he doesn't have anything to show for (doesn't have a career or any other accomplishments) so putting a picture of us would be like showing him off and displaying that I am taken. I don't want to do that, but he keeps nagging me about it like a clingy girlfriend.

 

I don't want to end a perfectly normal relationship over dumb sh*t like this, but apparently to him it matters a lot. Why on earth does he want this so bad when he knows I don't want to get serious with him? Why is a picture such a big deal?

 

I have photos with him on my facebook, but he insists to make it my PROFILE. Suggestions?

 

I just tell any girls I'm seriously dating that I only do the relationship status update and profile pic if we get engaged. I just don't like the FB drama of relationship status updates for every random person I'm dating. :D

Alexanda Established Member

Alexanda

Posted
Posted

Sounds like you dont think much of him. Maybe its time to break up with him.

  • Like 5
pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted
Suggestions?

 

Tell him that you do not want a photo of him as your profile pic, and that you refuse to argue about it any further. If he brings it up again, you absolutely will not engage in a discussion about it, and the subject is CLOSED.

  • Author
Leopard Established Member

Leopard

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I just tell any girls I'm seriously dating that I only do the relationship status update and profile pic if we get engaged. I just don't like the FB drama of relationship status updates for every random person I'm dating. :D

 

I tried that, but it didn't work. "If it's just dating and it's not a big deal, then why not do it?" he says.

 

Tell him that you do not want a photo of him as your profile pic, and that you refuse to argue about it any further. If he brings it up again, you absolutely will not engage in a discussion about it, and the subject is CLOSED.

 

I've tried this but that only fuels the fire. He is getting really insecure about it and I think it's so stupid. It's just facebook for crying out loud, now apparently we need a picture to validate that we are together? It's ridiculous.

wordrock Established Member

wordrock

Posted
Posted

You are plainly communicating to him in non verbal ways that you aren't that into him and he's very insecure about the relationship. A confident and well adjusted man would never make a stupid request like that... he is doing it as a way to test whether you're really into him.

 

It's lame of him, but it's it's lame that you're still with him! As others have said... you've stated you don't like him very much. You need to be up front and quit using him as a fall back. Go be single and find someone you actually like. You're wasting his time and yours.

  • Like 7
  • Author
Leopard Established Member

Leopard

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I never said I don't like him. I said that i'm not proud of who he is, and I don't want anything serious. If i'm with him I obviously like him.

wordrock Established Member

wordrock

Posted
Posted
I never said I don't like him. I said that i'm not proud of who he is, and I don't want anything serious. If i'm with him I obviously like him.

 

If you're not proud of him, you don't respect him and you're using him. 8 months is way too long for something that isn't serious. Sorry. As a man that's how I feel. I expect supreme respect that is nearly akin to worship. I do the same for the women I see past a few dates. I make sure they know I value them greatly. That and sex is what makes our relationship a relationship and not a friendship. We treat each other and do things for one another that is especially reserved for one another.

 

If a woman isn't proud of me, I'd want to know so I can cut her loose! However, I personally think it's pretty apparent when a woman doesn't value you a great deal. He's probably just inexperienced and doesn't realize this about you. Sucks to be him!

  • Like 8
irin Established Member

irin

Posted
Posted
I have been dating this sweet guy for almost 8 months now. He keeps bothering me to put a picture of us as my profile picture on facebook.

 

I know it's silly because it's just facebook, but the thing is, I really don't want to. I know it's been 8 months, but I don't consider this a serious relationship, and I have expressed to him that I don't want to get serious, that I like where we are and I don't plan on going not one step further.

 

We have fought about this before, and I told him I don't want him in my facebook. It's not that I don't want to scare off any potential guys, it's that i'm not particularly proud of him. He isn't good looking, he doesn't have anything to show for (doesn't have a career or any other accomplishments) so putting a picture of us would be like showing him off and displaying that I am taken. I don't want to do that, but he keeps nagging me about it like a clingy girlfriend.

 

I don't want to end a perfectly normal relationship over dumb sh*t like this, but apparently to him it matters a lot. Why on earth does he want this so bad when he knows I don't want to get serious with him? Why is a picture such a big deal?

 

I have photos with him on my facebook, but he insists to make it my PROFILE. Suggestions?

 

 

with all due respect he might not seem any good to you but he is a human being with feelings. and you definitely need to respect that. just break up with him, im sure there is a women out there who would adore him, it may seems unlikely to you. but he deserves that just like the rest of us.

  • Like 2
Woggle Established Member

Woggle

Posted
Posted

Just break up with him. It is obvious you are not into him.

  • Like 2
tina783 Member

tina783

Posted
Posted

I never add a guy I am seeing on Facebook unless HE friend requests me or brings it up. I hate the whole Facebook thing. I'm rarely even on it, anyways.

pteromom Established Member

pteromom

Posted
Posted

I've tried this but that only fuels the fire. He is getting really insecure about it and I think it's so stupid. It's just facebook for crying out loud, now apparently we need a picture to validate that we are together? It's ridiculous.

 

Then you aren't doing it right.

 

You have to back up what you say.

 

So when he brings it up, you say "I told you I am not discussing this any further."

 

And if he keeps talking about it, you say NOTHING ELSE other than repeating "I told you I am not discussing this any further."

 

If he starts asking questions or trying to get a rise out of you by saying "I don't see what the big deal is!", you say "I told you I am not discussing this any further."

  • Like 2
FitChick Established Member

FitChick

Posted
Posted

Tell him if he doesn't like it he is free to date other women. He'd be better off, frankly.

  • Like 3
freetolove Established Member

freetolove

Posted
Posted

LAMO, that's a good one. Sorry to hear you are stuck, maybe you should cut him lose then? I can't imagine fighting over FB to this Level

  • Like 1
ScienceGal Established Member

ScienceGal

Posted
Posted
I've tried this but that only fuels the fire. He is getting really insecure about it and I think it's so stupid. It's just facebook for crying out loud, now apparently we need a picture to validate that we are together? It's ridiculous.

 

He is insecure and a photo with you would be validation to the world that you are proud to be with him. I'm not saying you should do it, or that it's a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I am saying that it means a lot to him. Since you aren't proud to be with him, you're only fueling his insecurities, which are not stupid, but completely valid. You're embarrassed to be with him so you're resistant to allow the relationship to progress. How would you feel if a man you cared for did that to you?

 

Since he seems like too much of a pushover to leave you, I think you should leave him. He deserves someone who values him and you deserve to be with someone you can at least feel on the same level as.

  • Like 7
ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted

How can you date someone you aren't proud of? Sounds silly to me. You should break up with him before you mess that guy up.

  • Like 8
SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

Posted
Posted

Some world we live in. Op states she isn't in a serious r when she's been with the guy for 8 months and isn't proud of him and posters say he's insecure or whatever. Yeah he sounds insecure but my concerin is why on earth is the op dating someone she's not proud of, and for 8 months at that?? Maby she's the insecure one and "can't be alone".

 

If you see no potential for a serious r with him this long in dump him now because the longer you wait the more hearbreak it will cause him.

  • Like 7
FryFish Established Member

FryFish

Posted
Posted
hen you aren't doing it right.

 

You have to back up what you say.

 

So when he brings it up, you say "I told you I am not discussing this any further."

 

And if he keeps talking about it, you say NOTHING ELSE other than repeating "I told you I am not discussing this any further."

 

If he starts asking questions or trying to get a rise out of you by saying "I don't see what the big deal is!", you say "I told you I am not discussing this any further."

Ya, or instead of being a total c_nt you could just break up with guy...
  • Like 1
JohnP82 Established Member

JohnP82

Posted
Posted

You sound like a terrible person.

  • Like 3
TheFinalWord Established Member

TheFinalWord

Posted
Posted
I tried that, but it didn't work. "If it's just dating and it's not a big deal, then why not do it?" he says.

 

I don't understand? It is a big deal b/c when breaking up and dating is kind of a private matter. Do you really want to broadcast any of it to hundreds of people you barely know? If you get engaged, then okay, but just dating I would not change relationship status or make them my profile pic b/c the drama on FB IS a big deal. That's the point :p

  • Like 1
g450 Established Member

g450

Posted
Posted
Sounds like you dont think much of him. Maybe its time to break up with him.

 

That's what I was thinking.

 

Eight freaking months? And you dont see that as a relationship? Really?

If I were him and found knew your true feelings I would drop you like a rock. Eight months of my life IS a BIG DEAL. That's eight months he will never get back!

 

And if you really like the guy, why not do it? He is simply looking for validation. Does he not at least deserve that after eight months? Wow! You are a piece of work.

 

How the hell can you like him and not be proud of him at the same time. You are contradicting yourself.

 

Sounds to me that you are either playing him over another guy and keeping your options open or you are ashamed of him or just using him. You havent said why this picture thing is such a big problem for you.

 

IMHO you are stringing him along. Let him go so he can find a girl that doesnt play games.

 

And if you dont want people to see into your private life on FB then why the hell are you on it then? Delete the damn thing. Problem solved.

  • Like 1
chphan Established Member

chphan

Posted
Posted
I have been dating this sweet guy for almost 8 months now. He keeps bothering me to put a picture of us as my profile picture on facebook.

 

I know it's silly because it's just facebook, but the thing is, I really don't want to. I know it's been 8 months, but I don't consider this a serious relationship, and I have expressed to him that I don't want to get serious, that I like where we are and I don't plan on going not one step further.

 

We have fought about this before, and I told him I don't want him in my facebook. It's not that I don't want to scare off any potential guys, it's that i'm not particularly proud of him. He isn't good looking, he doesn't have anything to show for (doesn't have a career or any other accomplishments) so putting a picture of us would be like showing him off and displaying that I am taken. I don't want to do that, but he keeps nagging me about it like a clingy girlfriend.

 

I don't want to end a perfectly normal relationship over dumb sh*t like this, but apparently to him it matters a lot. Why on earth does he want this so bad when he knows I don't want to get serious with him? Why is a picture such a big deal?

 

I have photos with him on my facebook, but he insists to make it my PROFILE. Suggestions?

 

Wow seem to me that you are the one that's a loser here. I didn't think there are people like you that still exist.

 

You going to dump him sooner or later since you don't plan on going further.

 

And you basically ashamed to be with him by having no respect for him. The world is made up with people at the top and at the bottom. Not everyone has a great job or career. I hate to think what you think about homeless people or families that are less fortunate.

 

I like to know how old the OP is.

  • Like 1
spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

Posted
Posted

Whatever the rights or wrongs about having boyfriends/partners on your Facebook pic, it seems to me another poster was right - he is testing you to see how committed you are to him. You say that you are not really, that you don't want this to be serious. In fact, you don't think he's very attractive or much to shout about. I would suggest this means you know it won't last but it's convenient for the moment.

 

But, even if my interpretation is wrong, what I suspect will happen is that this will blow up. It won't go away. He is insecure and sensing you do not feel as strongly as him. He has been dating you for 8 months now and he really wants to know where he stands. You saying you don't want it to be serious is clear - and also vague. What does 'serious' mean for an individual - acknowledging someone as your boyfriend? Being exclusive? Getting engaged? Getting married? It can mean different things. In my experience this kind of testing, pushing a point, is a sign that he wants to know for sure. If, after what seems to him a reasonable time of pressing you, he doesn't get a satisfactory response, he may well opt out altogether. I can say this with some authority because it has happened to me twice - guys have opted out suddenly after pressing me on similar issues. In each case, it was a shock to me personally because I liked them and enjoyed their company and didn't see whatever they were concerned about as a big deal. I underestimated what it meant to them.

 

So, I would say think about what this guy really does mean to you. If you know it won't last, stick to your guns. If you do want the guy and want the relationship, you don't have to put his picture online but you need to do something to reassure him you are not just using him for company for a while and that you do feel a sense of commitment to this relationship.

  • Like 1
  • Author
Leopard Established Member

Leopard

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I met you are cheating on him as well. Stop stringing this guy along so he can get his balls back

 

No, i'm not cheating on him. And maybe his experience with me will teach him what balls are. If he is insecure and a wimp like some people say, then maybe he needs to learn to opt out on his own. It's not my job to make his life easy.

 

If after 8 months he can't figure this out, even after the obvious signs, then maybe I need to string him along until he does. Some people learn the hard way. It's not like either is abusive to the other, or put each other down or make life a living hell. The only flaw in the relationship is that he wants marriage and kids and moving in together, and I don't even want to be in a serious relationship (to me this means planning a future together rather that taking it day by day and seeing how it goes).

 

Not everyone has a great job or career. I hate to think what you think about homeless people or families that are less fortunate.

 

I like to know how old the OP is.

 

There is a difference between what you think of these people, and what you date. I am sympathetic towards many issues, and I am sympathetic about this guy I am dating, but that doesn't mean I need to revolve my entire life around him. He doesn't need my feeling sorry for him.

 

I'm 24.

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

Posted
Posted
You are plainly communicating to him in non verbal ways that you aren't that into him and he's very insecure about the relationship. A confident and well adjusted man would never make a stupid request like that... he is doing it as a way to test whether you're really into him.

 

It's lame of him, but it's it's lame that you're still with him! As others have said... you've stated you don't like him very much. You need to be up front and quit using him as a fall back. Go be single and find someone you actually like. You're wasting his time and yours.

Why is the guy the victim here? Why is it her fault or responsibility that he doesn't have the backbone to move on from a woman who clearly doesn't think much of him?

 

A woman keeps going back to an ogre who beats her, and people blame her. But this spineless guy stays in a relationship with a woman who's ashamed to be with him, and it's her fault?

 

If he doesn't like it, he should hit the road.

 

All that said, yeah, just break up with him. This isn't going anywhere, and it's just going to get messier.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...