ChangeMyName Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Two cute Asian girls (one in particular) approached my buddy and I last Friday night at a bar, hit on us, and bought us drinks.. She approached us, hit on us big time, bought us drinks, but I didn't get her number because we live kinda far from each other and didn't see the point at the time. Anyways, her and her girlfriend ended up (somehow) finding me on Facebook and friend requesting me the next day as well as saying we should hang out again and giving me her number. I hit her up and I ended up meeting her and some of her friends Saturday night at a bar halfway between us. We hooked up but didn't have sex since we had nowhere to crash. She then invited me to go fishing and to the beach with some of her friends Sunday. One of her texts before I left was "I can't wait to see you! :)" I meet her at like 11pm (night-fishing), we chill for a bit, then all go and get a hotel room for the night. Everyone except for us passes out and we have our own bed. We end up having sex, which was actually pretty damn good considering the situation (her friends and brother about 5 feet away from us in the room). We drove together to get something to eat the next morning. We were both saying we wanted to see each other again so I asked her when she could come to my area/when she was free. Her response "anytime for you," and we set up a date for Wednesday. I ended up going home the next day (Monday). She texts me when I leave.. Her: Drive safe and get some rest! Me: You too! Text me later and lemme know how the beach is Her: Won't be as fun without you lol Me: Have fun! Hit the beach, grab a beer and relax I then get some texts from her later, but I was taking a nap.. Her: Staying the night at the beach Her: We all want you to come Her: For you! *sends me a pic of her at the beach* She had also called me when I was asleep, then called me again when I was awake and I picked up. Told her I couldn't because I had to help my dad with some stuff. Plus it's a 2 hour drive and I was tired as hell, but I didn't tell her that. She sounded really disappointed on the phone so I sent her a text.. Me: I really would like to be there right now.. Chilling on the beach with my arm around you Her: Then do it Me: I really can't today.. I'll make it up to you when you come visit Wednesday Her: Mmk :/ Well, you all already know the end to this story. Screw it I'll just type up the texts.. Me: Hey, let's meet at my place at 7 and I'll drive us from there. Cool? Her: Hey bad news... I have to work tonight Her: Just found out. Sucksss Me: Ouch. Any days you're free before you head to * vacation* this weekend? Her: I work tomorrow 4-8:30 and Friday 4-10 then leave Saturday Her: Want to do tomorrow night? Me: Yeah let's do tomorrow night Her: Sorry I was really looking forward to seeing you again Me: It's cool. We'll see each other tomorrow *small talk then I ended the convo* I wake up this morning to this text: Her: Hey LoveShak. So looks like I can't make it tonight again. I have to close up at work don't hate meee Me: Ok Didn't know what else to say so I just said "Ok." She didn't say anything back after that. This girl was literally ALL OVER ME every time we hung out. She was constantly complimenting me, touching me, kissing me, ect.. She couldn't have seemed more interested. And like I said before, she Facebook stalked me to find me. Cliff-notes: - Girl approaches me and friend at bar. Buys us drinks, hits on us - Don't get her number, she adds me on Facebook the next day - We hang out the next few days, she seems really, really, really interested, we have sex - She flakes two times in a row I usually have SOME idea of why a girl acts the way she does, but not here.
mortensorchid Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I hate to say this, but there are just as many girls out there who carve notches in their headboards as there are guys who do it. It seems like she was one of them to me. I've seen girls with certain reps act like that with whoever it was they want to conquest, and then turn psycho or cold on the other person. Why you? I have no idea. But honestly, the whole story does not sound like a very stable situation, does it? I'd move on, and learn a lesson or two here.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 You have to remind yourself at the end of the day you don't really know much about this girl...and the reasons for her actions could vary; - maybe she was fresh out of a relationship looking for a rebound - maybe she is the quick and easy type of girl that lives love in the fast lane, giving herself no time to think just trying to keep that rollercoaster full speed when she is into someone and when it stops she comes to a screeching hault - maybe she's got issues, she hunted you down on facebook, invited you to go out with friends and a brother, doesn't this strike a little odd that she covered so much ground so quickly? usually clueless unaware, insecure women behave in this manner, they're already trying to tie you into their lives as quickly as possible - maybe she develops interest easily and from guy to guy Just be careful with this one, and not really try to match and understand her speed...I know you're just trying to go with it as she set the pace but she is long-distance, and If she's done this with you, you're likely not the first or the last guy she has done this with...so be wary and just see what happens after the vacation but don't get your mind caught up too much into this, just stand back and put everything that is going on in front of you and don't be like a cat following a laser point chasing back and forth, don't run in circles trying to understand this person until you learn more about her....she may or may not have lost interest at this point, she's likely just throwing a little fit. 1
SJC2008 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 You were a ONS/fling IMO and she played the act interested and flake till he gives up so I don't look like a $lut role. Usually it's the girl who gets burned and is asking questions but like mortensorchid said it goes both ways.
SJC2008 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 She had sex with you with her brother in the room? lol
threebyfate Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 She took your lack of response to her texts (while you were napping which she wouldn't have known about) and subsequent refusal afterwards, as either game playing or low interest. 3
Author ChangeMyName Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Thanks for the advice all. She ended up texting me last night and asked me if I wanted to meet her at a bar tonight because she was going. I told her I might be able to and that I'd let her know. So I texted her today.. Me: Hey, I should be able to make it to *bar* tonight. What time are you thinking? (almost 2 hours later - not a big deal, but she's usually quick to text back) Her: Rain's crazy Me: Well the bar IS inside, so a little rain shouldn't ruin the fun. Lmao. Two word, extremely vague response, and it seems she might actually flake on plans that SHE made - because of rain.
verhrzn Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Thanks for the advice all. She ended up texting me last night and asked me if I wanted to meet her at a bar tonight because she was going. I told her I might be able to and that I'd let her know. So I texted her today.. Me: Hey, I should be able to make it to *bar* tonight. What time are you thinking? (almost 2 hours later - not a big deal, but she's usually quick to text back) Her: Rain's crazy Me: Well the bar IS inside, so a little rain shouldn't ruin the fun. Lmao. Two word, extremely vague response, and it seems she might actually flake on plans that SHE made - because of rain. She isn't flaking, she is interpreting you saying you "might" be able to, as "I'm not really interested but will show up if nothing better arrives." AKA, she knows you're not really interested and thus doesn't want to bother. Honestly, you showed very little interest in her... why are you accusing her of flaking? 4
mtber75 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Dude, she used you for a quick fling plain and simple! I don't know any self respecting Asian chick that will approach a guy, flirt heavy and also buy a guy a drink??? That just don't happen in our culture. Just chalk this up as a "notch on the belt" like what she did and move on. 1
LoverOfDance Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 I maybe completely wrong but I think she's still very interested in you and you're both unintentionally playing games with each other right now. She seems to really like u. If she slept with u and really likes u, I think she's already wondering if she gave it up too quickly even b4 u unintentionally ignored her call and disappointed her by not coming to the beach even though she really wanted u to be there with her. If I wasn't interested I wouldn't text u first. I would reply but I would never initiate. If she's still texting u and asking to hang out, I think you're good. I think she just doesn't feel like a priority to u and every girl wants to feel like a priority especially if she really likes the guy.
Sid6.7 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Here is what you do: Absolutely nothing. You do nothing until the phone rings, as in someone is calling, not a text alert. Don't text again, don't call, don't initiate. Nothing, until she takes the initiative to dial your number in the same manner she will take the effort to text you. She is playing with you, you are being tested. Do not fail. If she does not call you, chalk it up and move on. I will bet my house she will call you. BTW, you are NOT obligated to respond to a text message, no one is. If someone expects a response, EXPECTS, then that is on them, they should have never sent one. Sit back and relax. Trust me.
dizy Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 seriously, the male responses here discourage me. So basically this girl hit on you, slept with you , showed interest and you were just saying yes to all this and somehow now that shes not that into it anymore, you are asking questions? Well, no one is supposed to do all the work, if all you did was to say yes and she was the one making all the plans then no wonder she will be turn off. It has nothing to do with alpha male or anything, just a logical reaction that anyone would expect: someone clearly showed that she is interested and now she wants some initiatives from you I usually take the initiative to flirt and make plans for a couple of weeks and if I see the guy doesnt seem to be that interested, I drop it and for all the guys saying that only insecure girls will do all that work: since when is a bad thing to make efforts to get what we want, in relationships as in life? You guys have to decide what you want: sick of women rejecting you or not showing enough interests, but scared of those who do? so what would "secure" grils do? sit there and wait for the guy to come over? based on the general reaction here, the "secure" ones will have to wait a looong time 2
Author ChangeMyName Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Ugh.. Bad night. I might have well have stayed home.. I get to the bar, meet her and her girlfriend there, and order a drink. I'm still kinda sapped from going to bed at 4am last night, so I'm not in the most talkative and social mood - my downfall here. I'm actually spending more time looking around and into the distance than talking to them. She asks if I'm bored/if I'm okay multiple times and asks if I want another drink, but I tell her I'm good. Some dude she knows from somewhere, I think she might have told me highschool, comes up to our table and talks to her. We eventually move to his table with a few of his friends. I sat down next to her girlfriend and across from her - my second main downfall apparently. I honestly try my best to be social, but I'm really just not feeling it tonight. Also here's something funny.. Whenever I start talking and being social she was off somewhere else. Bathroom, smoking outside, something. Pretty much the entire night she avoided me like the f*cking plague. She hardly talked to me, didn't touch me at all (unlike the other times when she was literally all over me), shoot, she hardly even acknowledged me. The dude she talked to earlier was obviously flirting with her, and she actually spent more time flirting (how I perceived it) with this other dude than acknowledging me - the guy she had sex with 5 days ago. We all danced too. But once again, hardly even acknowledged that I was there. She was actually keeping her distance from me (how I saw it). I actually think I was with the other people more than with her. She kept going outside to smoke, and at one point went out with that dude to smoke for like 10 minutes. I saw them through a window smoking/talking as I danced with these other people we were with. It finally gets to be last call. We all walk out. The other people are saying they want to go get something to eat but her and her girl say they're not going. This dude (the one she knows) keeps begging her to go. At one point inside I was getting jealous, but now he's just getting sloppy. He finally leaves after pestering her to go with them to get food for like 15 minutes and she walks me back to my car. She asks me when I'm going on vacation, I tell her July, and amazingly, she says we should hang out again before I go. I agree. Then I tell her "come here" - meaning I want a kiss goodnight. She comes in and gives me a hug (ugh), which I call her out on and when I do she gives me a little peck-on-the-lips kiss (ugh again). I apologize for being a "d!ck," she says I wasn't myself tonight and also says something about being surprised (in a bad way) that I sat next to her girlfriend instead of her when we moved to that other dudes table. I tell her I just saw it as sitting down, not snubbing her, tell her I do want to see her again, then we stare slightly awkwardly at each other for like ten seconds, she says "bye" - with this awkward half smile, I say "drive safe," then get in my car and leave. She, surprisingly, texted me on my way home.. Her: Home? (thought this was a good sign till..) Me: Just pulled up. You? Her: In bed. Have a good night! Thanks for coming out (till she texted this. "Have a good night," "thanks for coming out"? Maybe I'm over-thinking this text, but wow did that seemed formal. Especially for someone you were just in bed with less than a week ago) Me: You too. And have fun in Vegas! Go from her being so into me that she f*cks me in a room with four other people 5 feet away (serious) to her not even wanting to kiss me.
Mrlonelyone Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Might I ask "loveshak" do you mean "Asian" as in: Indo/Pakistani/Desi - in the UK these people are simply called Asian. East Asian (China, Korea, Japan etc) - in the USA these people are called Asian and the above are called East Indian. Just asking to help visualize the situation and welcome you to loveshack. (The UK posters here use allot of terms differently. i.e. If they "smoke a fag" it does not mean they just shot a gay person. Isn't English wonderful?) Anyway. You are over thinking this. Real life love stories don't follow a script. You met a girl, you like each other enough to do it. You can try talking to her still to see if you get to do it again. You might not get to do it with her again anytime soon or ever life goes on...unless you got her pregnant then your in for 18 to life daddy. Just don't stress over text messages.
Author ChangeMyName Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Might I ask "loveshak" do you mean "Asian" as in: Indo/Pakistani/Desi - in the UK these people are simply called Asian. East Asian (China, Korea, Japan etc) - in the USA these people are called Asian and the above are called East Indian. Just asking to help visualize the situation and welcome you to loveshack. (The UK posters here use allot of terms differently. i.e. If they "smoke a fag" it does not mean they just shot a gay person. Isn't English wonderful?) Anyway. You are over thinking this. Real life love stories don't follow a script. You met a girl, you like each other enough to do it. You can try talking to her still to see if you get to do it again. You might not get to do it with her again anytime soon or ever life goes on...unless you got her pregnant then your in for 18 to life daddy. Just don't stress over text messages. Here parents/background is Korean. She's American - might as well be a white girl.
Frank13 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Man, you keep 'effing' things up and then don't have a clue why she is pulling away. Go reread your posts. It's one screw up after another. Then when she even goes so far as to tell you how you are screwing up, ie you didn't sit next to her, you come up with an excuse like an 8 year old, "oh I was just sitting down". Of course you were supposed to sit next to her. Hell she even asked if you were bored. She is doing more than most woman by waving red flags in your face and you are being so dumb about it. Hell, you aren't even being a jerk to her, which she would at least find stimulating. You are acting like the most uninterested guy in tbe world. Stop making up excuses for what you are doing, having to help dad, sleeping, was tired, just sat at the table. 7
CC12 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Look, this girl actually seems to like you, and you're being a knob about it. Pretty much the entire night she avoided me like the f*cking plague. Could she have been avoiding you because you were "not in the most talkative and social mood" and "looking around and into the distance"? Your description of your own behavior comes across as somewhat unsociable and stand-offish, and then you basically say, "Why didn't she pay more attention to me, the guy she had sex with 5 days ago." You weren't showing much interest in her or really anything at all. She probably thought that you were not having a good time (it's true, you weren't) and it's difficult to romantically approach someone who has a sour puss or a bad attitude. Then I tell her "come here" - meaning I want a kiss goodnight. She comes in and gives me a hug (ugh), which I call her out on and when I do she gives me a little peck-on-the-lips kiss (ugh again). And THEN, after being a wet blanket all night, you try to kiss her and when she deflected it, you call her out on it (?) so she gives you a peck on the lips and you're still saying, "Ugh" and posting about her on an internet forum. Did you really expect her to make out with you after you were acting weird and jealous that night? I don't know what her previous flake-outs mean in this case (you probably have equal accountability there considering what you've posted,) but she has been making attempts to spend time with you, and she even still texted you after that probably very awkward night. She likes you. If you like her, act like it. Make at least the amount of effort that she makes. Go from her being so into me that she f*cks me in a room with four other people 5 feet away (serious) to her not even wanting to kiss me. Also, maybe stop using the fact that she had sex with you in a room with four other people five feet away as some sort of barometer of her true feelings for you, as if anything less than that means she doesn't like you anymore. Like, you keep going, "But we totally ****ed that one time and she won't even kiss me now?! WTF!" Try not to read so much into things. You might ruin it. 1
Author ChangeMyName Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 Man, you keep 'effing' things up and then don't have a clue why she is pulling away. Go reread your posts. It's one screw up after another. Then when she even goes so far as to tell you how you are screwing up, ie you didn't sit next to her, you come up with an excuse like an 8 year old, "oh I was just sitting down". Of course you were supposed to sit next to her. Hell she even asked if you were bored. She is doing more than most woman by waving red flags in your face and you are being so dumb about it. Hell, you aren't even being a jerk to her, which she would at least find stimulating. You are acting like the most uninterested guy in tbe world. Stop making up excuses for what you are doing, having to help dad, sleeping, was tired, just sat at the table. My "excuses" were completely true! Just saying.. I'm not gonna say the situation was 100% my fault or her fault. I was anti-social, acting kinda cold, and coming off like a d!ck, but when I did make an effort to talk to the people we were with, dance, smile, and act like I was having a good time (and I did!), she still never warmed up to me. It was like the "damage was done." And the whole sex thing/situation is just my way of making a point. A girl wouldn't go that far, especially in that "risky" of a situation if she wasn't very attracted to and interested in a guy. Then bam! Doesn't even want to touch me.
JC90 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Woah. So this girl flakes on you twice and after you finally catch she ignores you most of the night, flirts with another guy, and then YOU apologise? ........ Its easy with hindsight. But with her giving you the cold shoulder you should have acted like you were having a great time and gone and talked with other women. It's a shame people have to play such games in dating. Don't waste more time with this broad. Don't initiate any contact.
truth_seeker Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 She slept with you fast, did you while the brother was in the room, very clingy, wants attention, she's unstable and once she gets bored with you, she will do it with another guy. How many other guys are on her Facebook? If there are random "guy friends" I would watch out for her.
JC90 Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Wanted to add.. What are you worrying about OP? You already banged this chick. It's YOUR game to play. You already won the game. She's being a b!tch, avoiding you, flirting with other guys, ect..? So what? You already banged her. And I find it really funny that she said she wants to hang out again, then also texting you asking if you got home. Bahahahahahaha!! You probably increased this crazy b!tches interest last night. I mean, you do realize that you've been giving her hot and cold and push and pull, right? -You two have a great, fun time last weekend and have sex - hot/pull -You tell her you're not going to the beach - cold/push -You invite her out - hot/pull. She flakes on you, which makes it seem like she was going cold, but since she hit you up and invited you out her excuses were probably true, or she was doing it to gain some power back SINCE YOU BONED HER. -You acted uninterested last night; in her mind you were a jerk - cold/push ..This puts her on the defensive and to get your interest back she avoids you, doesn't talk to you much, and flirts with this other guy. This happens all the time with women. Actually, it's a PUA strategy too. Ever heard on opening a "set" and hitting on the ugliest girl first to make the hottest girl jealous and make her want you to talk to her? Same deal. Unless she actually did something sexual with the dude, like make out with him for example, then this is what was going on. -You agree about hanging out again and apologize for your "actions" or whatever - hot/pull Unfortunately, most of the people in this topic (including you OP) don't understand the concept of a "jerks" game. You know those abusive relationships? The guy is really super nice and "perfect,", then turns into an abusive assh0le, then apologizes for what he did, then acts like a d!ck again, then apologizes again, ect, ect.. And uhh.. Main point: you already banged her. You've got the notch on your belt. Women are always complaining about how they'll f*ck guys, then they don't get a call back. Lol YOU BANGED HER. Stop caring!!! It's her turn to play the game. Also, here's an article I just read today that is very relevant to what happened last night.. "Your girlfriend can be flirting with other guys for a multitude of other reasons. All of them come from her need to maximize rapport. Flirting with other guys is an easy way to solve her problem for rapport. The two possible results are: A. She gets attention from other guys B. You get jealous and she gets more attention from you It is the essence of female manipulation and if you’ll take a second to realize, it is a subconscious technique, ingrained into their minds. No woman thinks “I need to flirt with another guy to fulfill my biological need for attention,” they just do. Unlike men who have to consciously utilize game (and still suffer from reductive understanding), women have an innate ability to leverage sexual dynamics. Even if a girl is NOT interested in another guy or would NEVER consider cheating on her boyfriend, she would STILL be inclined to flirt with other guys because it gives her MORE MALE ATTENTION without making her suffer from any ethical repercussions. If you’ve been following me thus far, then the final revelation will make everything clear for you. If you act jealous when your girlfriend flirts with other guys, then you REINFORCE her need to flirt with other guys. If she is able to get MORE ATTENTION from you (yes, yelling and fighting is a form of attention. In her eyes, it reminds her that you are desperate for her) then she will only TEMPORARILY stop engaging in promiscuous behavior, and then start again when she feels the need for a chemical rush." http://www.solvemygirlproblems.com/2...us-girlfriend/
Author ChangeMyName Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 I'm really starting to think we just don't understand each other or even get along. This convo actually pissed me off.. Her: Hey you Me: Hey *name*, How's *city*? Her: Good. How are ya? Me: Doing good. Just out in *city* having a drink with a buddy. (I was actually out on a date lmao) Her: Fun. You need to have a drink with me once I'm back. Me: I agree. And you need to come to *my city* so I can take you out for that drink. Her: Mmk. Send me a sexy pic later ha (now, it's passed 12AM, so "later," at least to me, means tomorrow or sometime soon this week) Me: Haha I'll surprise you with one (meaning surprise her with one in the next few days) Her: Love it! IF I get one I'll send you one Me: Sounds good to me Okay now maybe I'm the idiot here, and PLEASE tell me if I am, but in my mind I'm supposed to surprise her with a pic LAAAATER - meaning in the next few days. I get a text close to 3am from her when I'm about to go to bed.. Her: Still waiting hun! my face: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/545/OpoQQ.jpg Me: I meant that I'd surprise you with one in the next couple days lol. It's not much of a surprise tonight, is it? Her: Disappointment Once again - my face: http://i3.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/005/545/OpoQQ.jpg Yes, she actually texted that back to me. Needless to say it pissed me off. I wanted to tell her to f*ck off and I contemplated deleting her number, but I just went to bed without responding. My *short* analysis is that we're very physically attracted to each other, but we just don't understand each other at all or even get along *very well*. This is something that should have been light and fun, but instead it's just a f*cking headache. Plus, instead of being a b!tch and saying "disappointment," all she had to do was say "Oh lol. Well I look forward to your surprise ;)" or something. I mean really..
ASG Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 Dude... LATER means LATER! Not tomorrow, not in a few days, it means in a few minutes/hours!!!! She was flirting, and trying to initiate some sort of sexting. You botched it. Again! She didn't lose interest. You just don't know how to deal with a girl! Also, don't keep saying "the guy she just had sex with 5 days ago" or "we had sex recently". because, really... so what? Having sex doesn't mean interest. It means attraction, but doesn't mean she'll be there once you flake on her once (you not going to the beach). It's not that you don't understand each other... is that YOU don't understand HER. She's being very clear. But you insist on not taking her cues. 1
Author ChangeMyName Posted June 6, 2012 Author Posted June 6, 2012 Dude... LATER means LATER! Not tomorrow, not in a few days, it means in a few minutes/hours!!!! She was flirting, and trying to initiate some sort of sexting. You botched it. Again! She didn't lose interest. You just don't know how to deal with a girl! Also, don't keep saying "the guy she just had sex with 5 days ago" or "we had sex recently". because, really... so what? Having sex doesn't mean interest. It means attraction, but doesn't mean she'll be there once you flake on her once (you not going to the beach). It's not that you don't understand each other... is that YOU don't understand HER. She's being very clear. But you insist on not taking her cues. That's bullsh*t. It was 12am. There IS no "later." I have no problem dealing with women unless they're acting like 12 year olds and playing childish games, which unfortunately seems to be the case here. Forget it.
ASG Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 That's bullsh*t. It was 12am. There IS no "later." I have no problem dealing with women unless they're acting like 12 year olds and playing childish games, which unfortunately seems to be the case here. Forget it. There is no later than 12am??? Sure there is! there is 1am, 2am, 3am! All sorts! She's not playing childish games. She was flirting and you didn't bite. Your loss. She keeps sending you clear signals that she is interested, but you always find a way to not follow up on those signals. So, yeah, forget it. You two will clearly not gonna work out because your seduction techniques don't mesh!
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