donjones Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Now I know this is a very minor problem compared to some on here but just want opinions... I've been seeing a girl for 5 months...get on great...see each other 4 or 5 times per week...met her family and friends...she's been hurt in the past and wants to take it slow before officially becoming a 'couple'... Anyway the other day she opened her phone in front of me and I saw the last message she'd sent - a smiley face blowing a heart shaped kiss to some guy (sent on Friday night when we had been out together)... I asked who and what and her reaction was very guilty...said she's so sorry and she knows how I must feel as she found pictures in her ex's phone when he cheated on her...she apologised and said that in future she'll think twice before sending anything she wouldn't like to see in my phone... I'm just a little hurt that 5 months in she has some secret little thing going on that made her feel so guilty...from my side, I wouldn't bother with anything like that for precisely this reason - it add's a doubt to a promising relationship in which I'm only focussed on her... Any thoughts? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? Like I say we get on great but it's added a little dent to things...
january2011 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I appreciate that it has put a dent in things, but you don't have enough evidence to suggest that this is anything more than just one flirty text - it might be the start of something or a one-off. Without more evidence, her response appears reasonable and therefore I suggest that you let it go for now, but keep one ear to the ground. If a similar incident happens with the same guy then it suggests that there is a pattern and an intention on her part to deliberately mislead you. In which case, we're heading into dealbreaker territory. As it stands now, it's just not enough for a dealbreaker, in my opinion.
ScienceGal Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Why is she still reluctant to be in a relationship with you after 5 months? If you want a relationship, tell her so. Tell her how much you care for her and that you want to take it to the next level by becoming "official". Despite being hurt in the past, she should have a good enough impression of you by now to see if you are similar or different than her ex(es?) that hurt her. While I wouldn't push this particular issue of the smiley face, I would think about if your overall needs are being met and whether this partnership is heading in the direction you want it to. Do you both want the same thing?
carhill Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Well, since the OP's most recent ex punched him in the face and apparently revealed late in the relationship that she had cheated on her last ex (canary for the timing), I'd say the playing field is pretty level. It sounds like the OP has taken some lessons from the past and moved into a more proactive and assertive role with regards to his boundaries. I noted the current girlfriend/dating partner apologized for sending the message and promised that she would 'think twice' before doing it again, but nothing about the recipient. That's curious. Is this a complete, intimate and sexual, relationship? What are you looking for in a relationship right now? What are your impressions of her family?
Author donjones Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Hello…thanks for those replies – I’ll take something from each… I’ll let it drop but keep an ear to the ground for anything similar in the future… We had a brief chat about becoming ‘official’ 2 months and she felt it was too soon…as of now we’re effectively a couple albeit without the official label… she said her exes have taken her for granted once they’ve become official so is scared I’ll do the same and doesn’t want things to change because she’s very happy…but yes, it is now becoming frustrating and time to have a chat about where this is going… The recipient is a work colleague – which is a bit overly familiar…and it is a complete intimate and sexual relationship and she comes from a very good family… I will add – I’m American but now live in Asia, where’s she’s from…so we have the old ‘cultural differences’ minefield thrown in, and 5 months without being official just doesn’t seem odd to her…
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