bamp78 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Yes i will take my twisted panties in a different direction but only cause i feel like it...
wordrock Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I feel like I want to put in a some effort into building the relationship but I don't really know how. I want to "open my heart" somehow. I also don't want him to automatically think I want to tie him down either because that's not the case. I just want to feel it out. I suppose I can just spend more time with him. Although I get the impression you're not that into him, perhaps you just don't know him very well yet. The only way to find out is to date at a more regular pace. Since you already know one another, I'd suggest doing things which will allow you to talk to one another a great deal, as opposed to watching or listening things. At the same time, it's good to watch a person's body language and how they generally hold themselves in situations when they can't speak as well. If you don't want to mislead him, the only thing you can do is try to be as communicative as possible and hope he is listening and trying to do the same. When a person is infatuated with another, they will often only hear what they want to hear. I try to rationalize my emotions, but I catch myself doing this all the time. He might get the wrong idea anyway, while you might decide not to see him anymore. It's a hazard of dating, but it is precisely one way you can tell if you aren't emotionally compatible. If that happens, it would probably be good for you to think about whether the issue was your ability to communicate, or his ability to understand. But hey, instead you might find you get along very well and he has many positive traits that allow you to forget about or overlook his traits that annoy you. Good luck either way.
Author freetolove Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) Would you recommend exclusive dating? perhaps without tell him? or continue to date around? that's a really really big step for me but be to be honest I don't think we would survive much if I continued to date around because he isn't exactly the most charismatic guy I don't think he would "win". I'm a social butterfly but that's were we are different. I don't feel sorry for him or anything. I just appreciate someone who's patience. Edited June 1, 2012 by freetolove
Mme. Chaucer Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 From the way you describe this, there is NO WAY he is really 80% of what you want or need. Once a month … and he looks like a total loser who doesn't understand you and treats you like a "thing"? How would you know if he would be "cheating" or not? It sounds like you are only dating at an extremely casual level; seeing other people would not be considered cheating at this stage, IMO. Please, listen to yourself, and especially your heart. This is not the guy for you, and the "relationship" is not shaping into anything, either.
wordrock Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Would you recommend exclusive dating? perhaps without tell him? or continue to date around? that's a really really big step for me but be to be honest I don't think we would survive much if I continued to date around because he isn't exactly the most charismatic guy I don't think he would "win". I'm a social butterfly but that's were we are different. I don't feel sorry for him or anything. I just appreciate someone who's patience. I think that's a good idea. Give him some focus, but don't tell him. He might get the wrong idea. Generally, 3 consecutive weekly dates is enough time to figure out whether there's chemistry. However, if he's really into you and is as patient as he seems, he might not push things very quickly. I'm not sure if you mentioned it yet, but you definitely want to be sure there's a good amount of physical attraction early on. I've definitely dated women I liked a great deal, but I'm usually not in a hurry to get into bed with them. Some of them took this as a sign that there wasn't enough attraction etc... really too bad, but I took it as a sign they were too focused on the short term. It's up to you on how much time you want to spend on him... just realize the longer you take, the more likely he'll get even more attached to you.
Author freetolove Posted June 2, 2012 Author Posted June 2, 2012 out another update, I realize the reason I am consider him for something more then just dating because when I am with him we actually have some fun. He's not the super hunky guy but don't you think sexual attraction can be eventually developed?
kaylan Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Are you that afraid of being alone? You arent even 30 yet. I told you to calm down before. If there is no initial chemistry there never will be. Chemistry can grow, but there has to be some there to begin with. Based on what youve told us, there doesnt seem to be any passion between you and this guy. If you cant wait a few weeks, months, or years to find the right guy for you, then have fun with your soon to be passionless marriage. Meanwhile Ill be enjoying passion with a girl Im truly nuts for when my time comes. Stop forcing this! Attraction is NOT a choice.
AD1980 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 out another update, I realize the reason I am consider him for something more then just dating because when I am with him we actually have some fun. He's not the super hunky guy but don't you think sexual attraction can be eventually developed? Is he not attractive at all or are you just really picky physically and only attracted the "super hunky" guys"?
Author freetolove Posted June 3, 2012 Author Posted June 3, 2012 I'm use to dating pretty hot guys, tall, sexy, smart successful but a lot of times, these guys aren't exactly the ones who are best for being a father for my children. I'm not afraid to be alone. I'm just actively seeking a mate to start a family. I"m use to the smooth talkers, etc and while I am just me, they're perfect, I can handle them. factor in kids + additional stress, I don't want a high maintenance guy. ___ I hung out with him today, it was a great day but he manages to do stupid things, I don't think it's on purpose but it's what's bothering me. He's actually cute/attractive, it's his behavior that's odd. He's also not muscular and quite as tall but like I said, I can live with those things, the things I am having trouble with are things like this. After a great time, we sat in the car just to talk, he was trying to hug me but placed his hand on my breast (like hugging side of my breast). IT WAS REALLY awkward. It wasn't an accident because he did it before. We're sitting in the parking lot with people but he's trying to hold/hug me, but arms on the side of my breast, not my waist. I pulled his hands off, I really wanted to punch him but I just calmly said, "don't do that". Another thing, it's embarrassing when he takes his calculator out to calculate exact tip. We take turns paying for dinner but he DID IT AGAIN. Sometimes, I just cover the tip when he pays so I don't feel embarrassed. Is this enough to get rid of him? One of the main reasons why I am considering him is because he HAS been patient and consistent with me. Alpha guys, when they get upset, they just leave, because it's easier. Just like me, I don't really care. THIS time, I'm looking for the guy to bring home, build a family. Not just fun. I've had plenty of fun.
kaylan Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 (edited) Ask the men and women on this forum..... When you fall for someone...like truly for them...then all these little things that bother you WONT bother you. Hes obviously not the right guy for you since things keep bothering you. My ex wasnt my ideal girl in everything I wanted when I first met her. But what was ideal is the way we connected right off the bat. Our mental chemistry was insane and everything else just followed. Our personalities like instantly clicked on a major level. All I knew is that I wanted her so I didnt sit and obsess over what she was or wasnt. I just knew I needed to be with her. When you truly want to be with someone...when you feel amazing physical chemistry...intense mental chemistry...and you also bond emotionally....then the little things dont stand out and bother you. The way I think about what id want in a perfect mate, and pick out every single thing Id want them to be....is something I do when Im single or just not emotionally attached to someone. Thats what youve been doing. Youve been nitpicking things because you arent truly attached...and I will reiterate...when you truly want to be with someone, the fact that that person doesnt tick every single check box wont bother you. And you wont find little things about them to be annoying so quickly. If you were with a guy you really clicked with, then youd find the breast thing something to laugh at. If you were with a guy you were really into, then youd cover the tip without a second thought. Stop this Alpha-Nice Guy nonsense. This has nothing to do with this situation. Its simply you arent into this guy, so you nitpick him more and find more things annoying. Move on. Edited June 3, 2012 by kaylan
wordrock Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 out another update, I realize the reason I am consider him for something more then just dating because when I am with him we actually have some fun. He's not the super hunky guy but don't you think sexual attraction can be eventually developed? No. Attraction for me has always been instant. While increased attraction does happen, if I'm not attracted to a woman right off the bat, that doesn't really change.
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