freetolove Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I met a guy who's I've been seeing on and off, about one date/mo, he's about 80% of what I want but I still have a lot of hesitation, he's reliable, been there for me, loving, etc BUT I don't think he does this on purpose but he treats me like "thing". He doesn't understand me, an example, he called me a "Booth babe" the other day, it was a joke (i think) except in my eyes he looks like a total loser. He's also obsessed with Toys which is a big turn off. I told him several time that I don't want anything with him but he's been so persistent that he seems to be there each time I have a major emergency. I think he is slowly working his way in. I want to cut if off but I think he's growing on me. I told him so many times that we are not a good fit but damn, this guy is persistent. He still annoys me though.
d'Arthez Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 You are not unsure. You don't want him. You just don't have the balls to cut him off, because he is there for you from time to time. Just end it. Saves the both of you a lot of hassle.
Kamille Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 How many major emergencies do you experience in a month and who did you use to turn to for help before he showed up? Seriously, he's in your life because you choose to let him be there. He's not "working his way in". Perhaps he's winning you over, but then that would be because, in the end, you two have more in common than not. As for the incompatibilities you mention, I wonder if they truly bother you or if you imagine they should bother you.
Author freetolove Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Kamille: you're right on. After I turned 28, my views on relationship completely changed. Before, I loved the muscular, tall, etc, etc typical alpha male but after I got older, I started to think about marriage, a father for my children. This guy fit in a lot more then any of the typical player guys that were fun but not relationship material
Author freetolove Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 (edited) Emergencies as in having a bad day etc. I use to turn to my friends but it makes it super effortless like, hey want to grab dinner, need to to pick something up, want me to bring that for you? he's definitely made my life easier the toys, and other things do bother me, but i think its just that hes not as "smooth" as the guys I am use to I almost feels like a script of a chick flick Edited May 31, 2012 by freetolove
mortensorchid Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 If you are 80% sure you want to be with this guy, that's a good sign. But that other 20% will linger there. If he's into toys and games and whatever else, that's healthier than drugs and alcohol, right? I thought that way about the last serious boyfriend I had, until I began to realize that that 80% was loneliness talking. He wasn't Mr. RIght, he was Mr. Wrong. Fortunately he broke it off a few months ago before I did/could, but if you feel there is something really wrong then keep your options open.
kaylan Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Kamille: you're right on. After I turned 28, my views on relationship completely changed. Before, I loved the muscular, tall, etc, etc typical alpha male but after I got older, I started to think about marriage, a father for my children. This guy fit in a lot more then any of the typical player guys that were fun but not relationship material Sounds to me like you are settling. Theres no reason you cant find someone whos a good father figure and whos very attractive to you. I dont understand why people think these things are separate when it comes to having a good bf/gf 1
Author freetolove Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 good point mort, there's a few other things, he's really tight with his money which is a big turn off. I am by all means not after his money, I work in tech and make more money then him but he's frugal and when it seeps into borderline cheap, i get the ick factor. I've had conversations about it with him but I think that's just the way he was raised. BUT, I was thinking better being frugal then being broke as hell.
Author freetolove Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 kaylan, good point, but I'm not exactly a spring chicken anymore. It's not like I haven't been searching.
kaylan Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 PS - If you were attracted to him the way you should be, you wouldnt give a crap about the toys or the silly nick names he calls you. Honey dont settle. Because its worse to waste you time on someone you may not end up with in the long run or someone you wont be happy with in the long run. You should be just enjoying life and waiting to you finally find that guy that you are absolutely sure about. Stop forcing it. Youre only 28. Calm down. 1
Author freetolove Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 your advice felt comforting, I almost want to say, "are you sure?" I've always been very adventurous and independent, I just don't want to end up by myself and not starting a family. If I had a choice, I would choose someone who understood me better. I think I wasn't connecting with him on a emotional and sexual level, although intelligent, business, future all seems to match up very well.
bamp78 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I met a guy who's I've been seeing on and off, about one date/mo, he's about 80% of what I want but I still have a lot of hesitation, he's reliable, been there for me, loving, etc BUT I don't think he does this on purpose but he treats me like "thing". He doesn't understand me, an example, he called me a "Booth babe" the other day, it was a joke (i think) except in my eyes he looks like a total loser. He's also obsessed with Toys which is a big turn off. I told him several time that I don't want anything with him but he's been so persistent that he seems to be there each time I have a major emergency. I think he is slowly working his way in. I want to cut if off but I think he's growing on me. I told him so many times that we are not a good fit but damn, this guy is persistent. He still annoys me though. Haha what? Any guy...and this coming from a guy...that is ok with seeing a girl once a month clearly has options cause hate to break it to you isn't all that into you. Why you ask? As a guy when i'm gonna make my presence known in a girls life it's cause i'm into her and want her attention. But when i'm ok with casualy seeing her when I can find time she is just there to fill my time. Get off your high horse your 80% in 20% out doesn't work...but i'm sure you have had a lifetime of wondering why x +y=does not equal z!
Author freetolove Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 bamp, you're the type of loser that make me want to be with someone like him. he works hard, not a player, and don't actually have to worry whether he's cheating or not.
Leopard Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Sometimes a guy can have 100% of what you want, but for some reason you still aren't interested. I think in your case it might be chemistry. You might not have chemistry and that's why even though he is 80% great, it's still not enough.
Author freetolove Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Yes, I agree, there's lack of chemistry, but just ask I stated above, now that I"m more serious, I need a good person in my life and he's actually a guy that's good enough to bring home. I had a handful of passionate, lustful relationships and they fizzled out or they are really pathetic, non stop excuses why they don't have their life together regardless of how hot they look. It's fun for about 3 weeks.
Leopard Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I know what you mean. In that case, you need to consider how important this 80% is in comparison to chemistry. I know that most passionate relationships don't work out, but do most passionless relationships with 80% of great work out? If he is growing on you, give it some more time I guess. Just make sure that eventually you won't get bored. When there isn't any chemistry at all, it's easy to get bored of the person.
d'Arthez Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I met a guy who's I've been seeing on and off, about one date/mo, he's about 80% of what I want but I still have a lot of hesitation, he's reliable, been there for me, loving, etc BUT I don't think he does this on purpose but he treats me like "thing". He doesn't understand me, an example, he called me a "Booth babe" the other day, it was a joke (i think) except in my eyes he looks like a total loser. He's also obsessed with Toys which is a big turn off. I told him several time that I don't want anything with him but he's been so persistent that he seems to be there each time I have a major emergency. I think he is slowly working his way in. I want to cut if off but I think he's growing on me. I told him so many times that we are not a good fit but damn, this guy is persistent. He still annoys me though. These are the three things that suggest that this will not be a success. The other things can be worked on and improved on without violating each other's personalities. The only reason you are letting him in is because he treats you "Nice" (and I am not even sure if it is genuinely nice, or a more roundabout way to get into your pants). Any person who does not understand you, looks like a loser, and annoys you is not long term relationship material. Because you cannot be happy with such a person yourself. If such a problem exists at the beginning of the relationship, when things are supposedly at their best, can you imagine what it will be like once the honeymoon stage is over (for him that is - when he will not put on his best behavior, which already seems to have you ready to run for the hills)?
bamp78 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 bamp, you're the type of loser that make me want to be with someone like him. he works hard, not a player, and don't actually have to worry whether he's cheating or not. I heart you too angel but that's cause you can generalize what kind of "loser" I may or not be...cause yep you don't know me. So in other words you have no idea what I do for a living, what/who/where I decide to play my theory on monogamy or my...well who cares right?! If this guy had any kind of intellect he would drop you like a hot box of rocks cause really who wants to be with someone who is only partially in.
wordrock Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) Haha what? Any guy...and this coming from a guy...that is ok with seeing a girl once a month clearly has options cause hate to break it to you isn't all that into you. Why you ask? As a guy when i'm gonna make my presence known in a girls life it's cause i'm into her and want her attention. But when i'm ok with casualy seeing her when I can find time she is just there to fill my time. Stop trying to be so cynical. I've done this with women I'm very interested in before. In every case, I was really into them, but they didn't seem to me to be ready for a relationship. Every now and then I'd check in just to see where she's at. I liked them enough months ago to be interested and they plainly were as well. Meanwhile, I'm not holding my breath. I'm seeing other women. Fast forward a few months and suddenly everything clicks into place and we'd be spending several days a week together and the obvious stuff. I'm guessing you're too superficial to be patient with a woman who doesn't want to hook up with you then and there. Pretty obvious you're too self serving for that. The funny thing is that it takes almost no effort to make a phone call or meet up for a few drinks like once a month. Now, in the OP's case... I met a guy who's I've been seeing on and off, about one date/mo, he's about 80% of what I want but I still have a lot of hesitation, he's reliable, been there for me, loving, etc BUT I don't think he does this on purpose but he treats me like "thing". He doesn't understand me, an example, he called me a "Booth babe" the other day, it was a joke (i think) except in my eyes he looks like a total loser. He's also obsessed with Toys which is a big turn off. I told him several time that I don't want anything with him but he's been so persistent that he seems to be there each time I have a major emergency. I think he is slowly working his way in. I want to cut if off but I think he's growing on me. I told him so many times that we are not a good fit but damn, this guy is persistent. He still annoys me though. If he doesn't understand you and annoys you, don't bother. The reason why he still talks to you is because you respond to him. He'll keep asking you out until you stop responding to him. If you don't respect the guy, do NOT date him. He will figure it out sooner or later and you'll have problems. Edited June 1, 2012 by wordrock
Author freetolove Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Very thoughtful, WordRock this is precisely it. He knew I wasn't ready and it wasn't like I was leading him on. I had been so busy with work the last 2 years that I never had much time to actually date steadily. I might hang out or date every once in a while but nothing serious. I finally have a little more time now + my motive is a little different (Long Term vs. Short Flings) I feel like I want to put in a some effort into building the relationship but I don't really know how. I want to "open my heart" somehow. I also don't want him to automatically think I want to tie him down either because that's not the case. I just want to feel it out. I suppose I can just spend more time with him.
Author freetolove Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 bamp I don't care because you judged me just as quick.
bamp78 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 bamp I don't care because you judged me just as quick. There we go you admitted that you judged which was was where I was attempting to steer my original point. As for wordrock...sorry dude we all can't be that knight in shining armour so where you see cynicism and a self serving attitude/mindset it's really just from a guy who gets it. So yes please throw a thesaurus of random adjective/verbs my way to attempt to denigrate my perspective cause yep it won't phase me.
Author freetolove Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 you can start your own thread if you have issues? don't understand why you're here
kaylan Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 Bamp leave the thread and take the negative trolling elsewhere. Lovely how you had the be the only one to come into this thread and steer in a negative direction.
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