Jingle14 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 (edited) I am in 2 minds about posting my story on here, as I had a pretty upsetting reply to a comment on another thread but wondered this: My ex had been obsessed with me from first sight (we met during a community campaign and were both married to other people at the time). I had no idea at all until he confessed to me, when his marriage had failed, almost 3 years later (during which we'd been in contact because of the community group). Unbeknown to him, I felt the same. We got together and had a very intense, passionate, close and loving relationship where we fell in love quickly and discussed a long term future together. We both said we had never felt that way before about anyone else, not even the people we had been with for 20 years. We were 'in love' for the first time. We had amazing times, were incredibly tactile (which neither of us had ever been) and wanted the same things in life. It was one of those things that people hope to get but, only if they are lucky, happens once in a lifetime, if ever at all. Because of circumstances, it wasn't plain sailing and we split up only to get back together a month later. He called time 3 months later. Both times I was devastated. After the second split (as during the first) we maintained fairly regular contact, even being intimate a number of times and, during the last time in September 2011, we both acknowledged the 'chemistry, attraction and connection' were still all there (he even admitted it was still me he thought of when 'alone' in bed). He agreed to think about getting back together but, during the week's 'thinking time', while I was waiting for his reply, he started seeing someone else. As far as I know, they are still together. It's nearly a year now since he dumped me and I still can't even think of looking at someone else. It's not easy either that he lives in my neighbourhood, so there are reminders everywhere. I will never understand it, as we had so much going for us and I sacrificed so much to be with him. If the attraction is still there, the chemistry is still there and so is the passion, how can you turn your back on that and move onto someone else. I keep telling myself it can't be the same with this other one as she is just some random woman and not the object of his fantasies, ridiculous I know. Is it possible to completely cut feelings for someone who was your fantasy for 3 years (and I honestly was), when you are still very attracted to them and move onto someone else without a thought? I have been in contact with him several times since early October (and I didn't take the news I had been replaced well, it was my worst nightmare come true) but never get a reply, it's like I am dead to him. How is that possible, why be so cruel and cold when I only treated him with love, kindness, adoration and respect. I think he wants to erase me from his mind but our last time 'together' was every bit as warm and loving as it had ever been. I just don't get how he could fall into someone else's arms within days. Incidentally, although both in our 40's, I was only his second relationship and his relationship with his ex wife was one where they never argued or exchanged opinions (I'm not like that and that is what attracted him to me) and he was quite emotionally immature with unrealistic expectations of an adult relationship. If we disagreed, even slightly - and doesn't everyone about something occasionally? - he would say we were 'a disaster'. Surely no-one never, ever has a slight disagreement and I was hugely supportive for the majority of the time, and much more laid back about things his ex wife very much objected to, such as him having female friends he went out with, and stayed overnight (platonically, I know that) at their houses. Thanks. Edited May 31, 2012 by Jingle14
BewitchedandBothered Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 ...really? you didn't mind him sleeping over another woman's house.....platonically? And how do you know for sure it was platonic? HE sounds like a disaster. Sounds like you miss the fantasy aspect. some things are better as a fantasy and not reality. Is he over his ex wife completely?
Author Jingle14 Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 ...really? you didn't mind him sleeping over another woman's house.....platonically? And how do you know for sure it was platonic? HE sounds like a disaster. Sounds like you miss the fantasy aspect. some things are better as a fantasy and not reality. Is he over his ex wife completely? No, I didn't mind at all. I have plenty of male friends and often go out with men and have been alone in their houses, just like a female friend's. I know these friendships were platonic - one of them even sent him a card when we got together (he went to her for advice when he was thinking how to approach me) saying she had never seen him look happier than with me (and she was in her own relationship). Definitely over the ex wife, they absolutely detest each other and can't exchange a civil word. They had a very acrimonious divorce (instigated by her, she was the one who ended things) and he said it was only through being with me did he realise how badly he had been treated by her (I often did generous and thoughtful things, which he was genuinely surprised and moved by as she never had, not even a spontaneous treat). I can't bear to think I have been dismissed and wiped from his mind without a thought after how close we had been - and that wasn't a fantasy, we really were. I wouldn't discribe him as a disaster but he is definitely emotionally immature and cannot cope at all with any sort of disagreement when life simply isn't perfect all the time.
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