irc333 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 (edited) I was wondering, not sure if women see this in men's profiles, but I sometimes see women's profile where they're self-proclaimed professionals that are in a job that requires them to be focused on work. They claim they're busy with work, and love to be "on the go" all the time. This one in particular said she has a 4 year old child and that , of course, comes first. She says she can see through "dreamers" in a moments notice. And if you don't have a equal career driven path like she does, and just like routine work, then she might not be the one for you. I'm not entirely sure what is meant by this? But, I'm the kind of guy that "Works to live" and not "Lives to work" and I think that's where she seems to be inferring. I'm a bit more laid back For instance...a US Postal Worker would not get along well with her, because a Postal Worker has a job that's too routine and boring? It's considered a job...NOT a career, which can be a turn off for some. I am wondering though, people with jobs (or careers) by the way, seen people who prefer a mate who has a "career" and NOT a job. Of course, if they're that busy, who has time to date, right? lol The irony there. I found it funny, she said don't let her looks deceive you into thinking she's a dimwitted Barbie type. Actually she looks all plastic, including the lips, but that's another topic. Funny how she had me fooled there. So don't let the silicon lips and boobs fool ya. lol This also brings up another topic......"People who feel they need something to prove to the world." Could be a good side-bar. Edited May 31, 2012 by irc333
zengirl Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I mean, there are a lot of differences and reasons: *someone who works 9-5 is not going to always understand the pressures of someone who works a career-job with irregular hours, who can get called with a moment's notice, who may work 15 hour days, etc. *someone who is passionate about their career might value such passions and want the same thing in a mate. *someone who is a power player and values power might be attracted to the same. *someone who makes a lot of money might want a partner of equal earning power, so they aren't the breadwinner. Of course SOME people who work crazy hours and a crazy job might actually want a partner who does not, who can pick up some of the domestic slack. Men are usually more likely to want this than women, but women are also more likely to pick up the domestic slack than men -- socialization at work. "Seeing through dreamers" sounds to me like she doesn't want to date a guy who still thinks his band is going to make it at 40, etc. Not really a bad thing to weed out, though worded negatively. I don't know what is meant by "routine" work (honestly a lot of work becomes routine, even in dynamic fields), but I know I wouldn't date anyone who had a job and not a career before I was married, and Hubby definitely has a career he's passionate about, though his hours are good and life-friendly generally. It wasn't really about money --- I'd date a detective or a teacher or whatever --- but about education, ambition, and passion. Someone who 'worked to live' wouldn't have the same drive and ideals as I do. Nor would someone who 'lived to work' and did it for the money. I only dated men who were truly passionate about the fields they took and would do pieces of them for fun, such as programmers who really like the task, etc.
Emilia Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Whenever a man starts going on about his job on OKC I switch off instantly. I don't think I care that much about the type of job he does and I certainly don't categorise it as routine or non-routine but I need to see in his profile that he has a life outside work. There is a question on OKC that goes something like this: 'What are the 6 most important things in your life?' Those that live to work usually say boring stuff like 'my iphone, the internet, air, my gadgets, etc'. Some people have demanding jobs for sure and work long hours but they still find other interests outside those hours. They are not defined by their jobs
zengirl Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 There is a question on OKC that goes something like this: 'What are the 6 most important things in your life?' Those that live to work usually say boring stuff like 'my iphone, the internet, air, my gadgets, etc'. I have not noticed this to be true --- I've noticed it to be true of people who live for the material gains of work (i.e. the money they make) but not the people who really nerd out about their work and get passionate about it. ETA: Too often we mix up love of work with love of money/power derived from work. I'm not sure which the OP is really referring to, but they are different things.
Emilia Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I have not noticed this to be true --- I've noticed it to be true of people who live for the material gains of work (i.e. the money they make) but not the people who really nerd out about their work and get passionate about it. I think it's hard to tell from someone's profile sometimes why they are doing something, it's not always obvious whether it's about the money or not but it is usually quite obvious that they have very little interest outside it.
Author irc333 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Right, though, I had been in jobs where I was really into it, but not enough for it to let it define me even outside of work. As soon as it hits 5pm...it's like an off switch to me. I refuse to take my work home with me either. I guess that's what happens when working in the government sector. LOL People in the govt sector won't get along with those types, because they're all about their weekends and holidays off, and the straight 40 hrs/week. I have not noticed this to be true --- I've noticed it to be true of people who live for the material gains of work (i.e. the money they make) but not the people who really nerd out about their work and get passionate about it. ETA: Too often we mix up love of work with love of money/power derived from work. I'm not sure which the OP is really referring to, but they are different things.
zengirl Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Right, though, I had been in jobs where I was really into it, but not enough for it to let it define me even outside of work. As soon as it hits 5pm...it's like an off switch to me. I refuse to take my work home with me either. I guess that's what happens when working in the government sector. LOL People in the govt sector won't get along with those types, because they're all about their weekends and holidays off, and the straight 40 hrs/week. I was a teacher, which is government work, but work always came home with me. Summer off, though. Honestly, I've never had a job where there was an "off" time except hourly retail back in college or restaurant work in grad school. My current job has light weeks and heavy weeks --- on heavy weeks, I could work 80-100 hours and get calls any time of the day or night, though I typically don't answer after 8 or 9pm, and work through the weekends, and get up at 4am, etc. It isn't my life, but it is one of my main passions in life. I couldn't imagine turning "off" a passion.
Author irc333 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Crap, 80 to 100 hrs/week..I'd shoot myself. So how come you're not teaching anymore? I was a teacher, which is government work, but work always came home with me. Summer off, though. Honestly, I've never had a job where there was an "off" time except hourly retail back in college or restaurant work in grad school. My current job has light weeks and heavy weeks --- on heavy weeks, I could work 80-100 hours and get calls any time of the day or night, though I typically don't answer after 8 or 9pm, and work through the weekends, and get up at 4am, etc. It isn't my life, but it is one of my main passions in life. I couldn't imagine turning "off" a passion.
zengirl Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Crap, 80 to 100 hrs/week..I'd shoot myself. So how come you're not teaching anymore? I live in the South and am a non-Christian (I'm Buddhist) so there are a lot of politics to it. I also get paid a lot more than what I made teaching, and teaching was easily 60 hours MOST weeks, versus a few big weeks a year. I get almost comparable vacation -- not quite, but close. And I get to actually help real adolescents via the nonprofit, from a better system than the schools here.
monkey00 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I heard somewhere that people who view themselves as successful usually want that in a partner also. Not sure if that equates to working over 40 hr weeks but I can see that. When I was younger I had requirements that basically I was looking for the same in a mate. Who had a full-time professional job such as me around the whole 9-5 thing. These days, I don't really care so much as long as the person has something they care about doing even if it isn't a consistent job. I work 45 hr weeks, sometimes I get off work at 6 and sometimes I get off at 9. The late hour days really ruins my day when I get home, and my social life/dating life also. I don't understand why anyone wants to date people if they are always stuck at work. I know I might question dating someone if they had a hard time making time for me or time for a relationship. I know there are some who are workaholics and absorbed in their jobs and enjoy their alone time who seek the same in a partner. But if you can't make time at least 1x a week to see someone, then I kind of see it pointless to date. Can you imagine being a family man/woman who's always stuck at work? Totally sucks if you ask me. 1
freetolove Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 (edited) Not necessarily, she said dreamer. A post office worker still takes care of everything. Even a high power executive has to do work pretty much daily. Most people who actually make it to the top usually don't want to be with someone who has the same attitude because if both are so busy with their lives they don't actually have time for a relationship. Type A's are usually really into themselves. The reason I know is I use to be like her, I use to be REALLY into myself, because I could deliver, better then anyone else. I'm a lot more comfortable now so I'm looking for a companion. Of course I still want him to be financially secure and not have a million emergencies. I don't want more work. I also care if the guy makes time for me. I've dated other high exec and they love to chase but when it simmers down, they are not exactly the best people to be with day to day, obviously this is a stereotype but also very true. I usually got for reformed execs (such as myself) or someone who's doing something really interesting outside of the corporate space. Edited May 31, 2012 by freetolove
Ruby Slippers Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I'm an ambitious dreamer working hard on my business, and ideally I'd like to be with someone similar. But of all the guys I'm dating lately, from the lowest earners to the highest, my favorite is still the underemployed bouncer (yep, still seeing him). He's been feeling me out more for a serious relationship lately, and the truth is, I like him so much for non-money reasons that I think I'd be fine with him just supporting himself and nothing more - as long as he's not a drag on me. I've got this high-earning doctor that I dismissed trying to win me back, but I'm just not interested because he's rather emotionally closed and the connection there is weak. So, don't assume the ambitious types like me only want the same. Real love is much more important to me than mere comfort.
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