noodlecheese Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I'm new here and I really don't know what I should do. If you are to read this and reply, I would be so grateful. My story is that my ex was my first love, and we had been on and off for a couple years. I see it was toxic now when I look back on it, but it was so intoxicating too. I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. I was only 17 when I met her, I'm 20 now and I feel like I've wasted all my time on her, all my love and all my devotion on someone that never really gave her all to me. I don't think she knows just how much she's hurt me. Anyway, I thought we would eventually get back together. She treated me the way she did in the relationship, and we remained close after we broke up, that I just believed we would somehow gravitate back towards each other. I was positive that our connection was still there. But then I found out she had moved on and had been seeing someone else for a few weeks. She didn't want to tell me originally because she didn't want to hurt me, but I found out the day after Valentines day and I pretty much cut all contact with her. After a while, she made contact with me and I knew then that I didn't want to yo-yo back and forth, so I decided to speak to her to communicate how I felt - and that I wanted to say goodbye. She didn't fight me, and didn't stop me from leaving, so I thought that she would finally just let me be. I erased the pictures, got rid of belongings and all the texts and everything I could think of. I was determined to remain busy and to just live my life without her. Its been hard, but I've managed. But a month and a half later and she has made contact with me, saying how a song makes her think of my every time, and that she is sorry for texting, and that she hopes that I am okay. Its safe to say that I am feeling really low again, and that I feel everything that I have been trying to bury. I haven't replied to her text, and its been a couple days now. I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost, so upset and so down. Her indecisiveness, her inability to be consistent and her lack of empathy has always hurt me, and it was why I broke up with her in the first place - but even when I did break up with her, I believed that she would change, that we would somehow come back together because I felt our bond was strong enough. Its been such a big part of who I am for so long that I never thought that I would ever be without her, or that she wouldn't ever be in life. Its been so hard not having her in my life, I miss her everyday, I think of her everyday and I love her like always. I just know better than to communicate this to her and to make myself vulnerable again. I just need advice on how to get through this. How to stay strong, because right now I just want to break down. I feel the pain that I originally felt when we broke up, and it hurts so much. I don't think I can keep going through this. I just wish things were different. I just want to know what possessed her to text me when I said goodbye, that we would never contact each other again. She has moved on, she has found someone and I don't want to know anymore. I don't want her friendship, and I made that perfectly clear - so why now, why the text? Thank you for reading. Any advice is welcome.
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I can't tell you why she messaged you nor if she will do so again. The only thing in life you have control of is your actions. If you want to move on then take the focus off of her and her life and place it on your own life. What do you want for yourself? What makes you happy? Right now you need to foster your own growth and treat yourself well.
Recommended Posts