vlg560 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Hi everyone, I just need your advice on my situation. I met this girl about a month ago, but after I met her I had to move out of the country for a few months due to work, but I've kept in touch with her as friends through facebook and texting. She knows I'll be back in the country after 4 months. After we met, I found out she had a bf, but she told me that apparently they've been having troubles in their relationship. During the time we've been communicating, I've gotten to know her more and more, and discovered that we are alike in many ways and I've started to like her a lot. a few days ago she and her bf broke up, and I've sort of become her shoulder to cry on, giving advice, being a great friend, making her laugh and feel better. She says she's done with him because he hurt her feelings too much. I've been thinking about whether keeping close friendship with her for at least a few months before making the move and admitting to her that I like her and asking her if she wants to take the friendship to the next level, or doing it sooner. If I do it soon I'm afraid of being the rebound guy due to the breakup being so recent. But am also thinking I might lose a good opportunity if I wait too long. I also wanna get to know her more. What do you guys think about this? Should I make the move now? Or should I wait for a little bit? I think she might like me too, she's still hurt because of their breakup. I'm in a dilemma here and not sure what to do. I really like this girl and would easily fall for her. Please help me! Your opinions would help me a lot.
Oxy Moronovich Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 None of this close friendship garbage. Make a move now or give her a month to get over that dude before making a move.
wordrock Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 None of this close friendship garbage. Make a move now or give her a month to get over that dude before making a move. Sure, make a move now if you don't really care about being friends with her and just want to stick your dick in her. However, if she's crying on your shoulder about this guy and you aren't already kissing or petting, she really does think of you as a friend and will probably be really put off when you try something even slightly 'romantic'. Your big mistake was trying to be her emotional support. Generally, you don't do this with a woman you aren't already involved with. It's difficult to make yourself stand out as something beyond a friend without confusing her and causing the both of you problems. She might even try to drop a friend talk on you to figure out what your intentions are. Or she might be completely adamant that she only thinks of you as a friend. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes. Women aren't usually as direct as they try to say they are. If you actually want a chance at a relationship with her, you need to back off and let her get her stuff sorted out. There's not a single correct answer to all this. You're just going to have to play it by ear. It could go any way... Keep in mind that people are different. Some woman get over guys very fast. Some do not.
Freddys Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 However, if she's crying on your shoulder about this guy and you aren't already kissing or petting, she really does think of you as a friend What if she is crying on your shoulder about this guy, while kissing or petting?
wordrock Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 (edited) What if she is crying on your shoulder about this guy, while kissing or petting? While? I was trying to say just in general. Honestly, that's a terrible situation to be in. I've never had that happen before. I've definitely had girlfriends do that, but that's quite different. If a woman who just broke up with a man is crying while kissing and touching you, her friend... she's very very lonely, probably feels unattractive and rejected, and is very very vulnerable. Is she also drunk? Having sex with her is probably a very bad idea. When she gets over it, she might feel like you took advantage of her emotional state. Regardless, it will make things a bit unpredictable later in my opinion. I don't think there's a general answer that will work for that... but if you really like her and want the possibility of something later, I'd suggest cuddling and talking about something other than her failed relationship. I think it's also important to try to leave talk about dating her or such behind, unless you've dated in the past. As someone who has dated friends before, take it from me... establish interest as soon as you meet a woman. Don't try to be friends with her first. It's not fun. Even if she turns you down and says she just wants to be friends... she'll remember that you tried and still decided to be friends with her. This will make her think of you as a potential mate regardless of her initial decision. There's nothing manipulative about this as long as you make it plain that you are still attracted to her (without hitting on her etc). However, you will generally have to wait for her to make a move in a situation like this. A lot of guys get too hung up and can't be patient and take rejection too personally for this. In the meanwhile, don't wait for her... see other women. If you agree to be friends, be just that. Don't make a move unless you're sure she will respond well to it. You could screw up a good friendship. Edited June 1, 2012 by wordrock 1
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