vlg560 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Hi everyone, I just need your advice on my situation. I met this girl about a month ago, but after I met her I had to move out of the country for a few months due to work, but I've kept in touch with her as friends through facebook and texting. She knows I'll be back in the country after 4 months. After we met, I found out she had a bf, but she told me that apparently they've been having troubles in their relationship. During the time we've been communicating, I've gotten to know her more and more, and discovered that we are alike in many ways and I've started to like her a lot. a few days ago she and her bf broke up, and I've sort of become her shoulder to cry on, giving advice, being a great friend, making her laugh and feel better. She says she's done with him because he hurt her feelings too much. I've been thinking about whether keeping close friendship with her for at least a few months before making the move and admitting to her that I like her and asking her if she wants to take the friendship to the next level, or doing it sooner. If I do it soon I'm afraid of being the rebound guy due to the breakup being so recent. But am also thinking I might lose a good opportunity if I wait too long. I also wanna get to know her more. What do you guys think about this? Should I make the move now? Or should I wait for a little bit? I think she might like me too, she's still hurt because of their breakup. I'm in a dilemma here and not sure what to do. I really like this girl and would easily fall for her. Please help me! Your opinions would help me a lot.
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Be patient and wait. If you give her time you won't be a rebound. How long did her relationship last?
Radu Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 What raptor said above, but be carefull of the Friendzone.
Author vlg560 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Yes that's what I've been thinking too, to give her time so I won't become a rebound. Her relationship lasted only two months (according to her). What do you think?
Author vlg560 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 What raptor said above, but be carefull of the Friendzone. That's exactly what I'm scared of...the Friendzone. But with her recent breakup, and me giving her time, do you think the friendzone can be avoided?
Author vlg560 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Be patient and wait. If you give her time you won't be a rebound. How long did her relationship last? Yes that's what I've been thinking too, to give her time so I won't become a rebound. Her relationship lasted only two months (according to her). What do you think?
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Hrm two months isn't that long. I'd still give it a bit though to let her process things. It all depends on how attached she was to this person.
Author vlg560 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Hrm two months isn't that long. I'd still give it a bit though to let her process things. It all depends on how attached she was to this person. Thanks raptor, I'll probably give it at least a couple months and see what happens from there. So you think I should just keep regular contact with her? Or maybe lessen the contact a little bit?
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I'd continue doing whatever you were already doing. No need to change anything or play games. Just do what feels natural.
Author vlg560 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 I'd continue doing whatever you were already doing. No need to change anything or play games. Just do what feels natural. Hey thanks for your help. I'll do my best. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be doing and saying the right things, and that everything will turn out well.
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Hey thanks for your help. I'll do my best. I'm crossing my fingers that I'll be doing and saying the right things, and that everything will turn out well. Don't worry so much about saying or doing the right things, just be yourself. If someone doesn't like you just the way you are they're not the person for you anyways. 2
Author vlg560 Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Don't worry so much about saying or doing the right things, just be yourself. If someone doesn't like you just the way you are they're not the person for you anyways. Thanks for that advice Raptor...it helped a lot. Appreciate it.
Radu Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 What i meant was, don't get stuck in the pattern of the Friendzone. You will end up there anyway over the next few months, but when you do make your move you need to actually not do it in the same way she got to know it. Don't be the one who's shoulder she cries on, don't be the one who talks of feelings, just plain be assertive, and show that you know what you want. That might be enough to signal her that you are not there as the guy who was in the Friendzone. I suspect she will try to put you back in the Friendzone, you might need to fight her on this when she tries it. If you lose and remain there, at least use her as a social pivot to meet other girls if she is pretty enough. If other girls see her with you, it will increase your social value in their eyes. Raptor's advice is good, but also be aware of this 'game', so that you get some practice.
sweetheart5381 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 What i meant was, don't get stuck in the pattern of the Friendzone. You will end up there anyway over the next few months, but when you do make your move you need to actually not do it in the same way she got to know it. Don't be the one who's shoulder she cries on, don't be the one who talks of feelings, just plain be assertive, and show that you know what you want. That might be enough to signal her that you are not there as the guy who was in the Friendzone. I suspect she will try to put you back in the Friendzone, you might need to fight her on this when she tries it. If you lose and remain there, at least use her as a social pivot to meet other girls if she is pretty enough. If other girls see her with you, it will increase your social value in their eyes. Raptor's advice is good, but also be aware of this 'game', so that you get some practice. Sorry, but I have to disagree with this post... if a woman knows and feels that you care, that she can cry on your shoulder and is truly respected for the vulnerability she shows then that will open the door to stronger feelings. Friends first... always. (Unless you just want sex, in that case, you will be relying on pure sexual attraction and that ALWAYS burns out eventually) Raptor's advice is spot on. Give her some time and space, she digs you, she is talking to you and letting you get to know her. Letting down walls is tough post-breakup and she is willing to with you. Keep doing what you are doing.
Author vlg560 Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 Sorry, but I have to disagree with this post... if a woman knows and feels that you care, that she can cry on your shoulder and is truly respected for the vulnerability she shows then that will open the door to stronger feelings. Friends first... always. (Unless you just want sex, in that case, you will be relying on pure sexual attraction and that ALWAYS burns out eventually) Raptor's advice is spot on. Give her some time and space, she digs you, she is talking to you and letting you get to know her. Letting down walls is tough post-breakup and she is willing to with you. Keep doing what you are doing. Thanks for your opinion sweetheart. Just a quick update, by the way things are going, really great, she definitely want to know me more. She's been giving me a lot of compliments and hints, which I am giving her too. So we'll see what happens as we go along. I'll definitely give it adequate time. I'm actually happy to just get to know her more for the time being, no pressures or anything like that. I'm not the type of guy to rush into things anyway. I'm just constantly thinking that whatever is meant to happen, will happen.
mike588 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 Hi everyone, I just need your advice on my situation. I met this girl about a month ago, but after I met her I had to move out of the country for a few months due to work, but I've kept in touch with her as friends through facebook and texting. She knows I'll be back in the country after 4 months. After we met, I found out she had a bf, but she told me that apparently they've been having troubles in their relationship. During the time we've been communicating, I've gotten to know her more and more, and discovered that we are alike in many ways and I've started to like her a lot. a few days ago she and her bf broke up, and I've sort of become her shoulder to cry on, giving advice, being a great friend, making her laugh and feel better. She says she's done with him because he hurt her feelings too much. I've been thinking about whether keeping close friendship with her for at least a few months before making the move and admitting to her that I like her and asking her if she wants to take the friendship to the next level, or doing it sooner. If I do it soon I'm afraid of being the rebound guy due to the breakup being so recent. But am also thinking I might lose a good opportunity if I wait too long. I also wanna get to know her more. What do you guys think about this? Should I make the move now? Or should I wait for a little bit? I think she might like me too, she's still hurt because of their breakup. I'm in a dilemma here and not sure what to do. I really like this girl and would easily fall for her. Please help me! Your opinions would help me a lot. Watch out! I dated a girl who I was friends with many years ago and we re-connected. She too had just gotten out of a relationship and told me many times she would NEVER go back to him....he treated he poorly...wasn't there for her blah blah blah. Well after dating for a year she dumps me and gos back to him....Ouch!! Be very...very careful and go ever so slowly! Don't make the mistakes I made and pay a heavy price later. Good luck!
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