Breck Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I found out today my ex (from 3 years ago) is still bitter towards me and jaded because I didn't fight for her or prove my interest/intensions with her. She dumped me after 5 months together, so I agreed to the breakup, tried to go limited contact and remain friends and have gone NC ever since. I find out today that what she really wanted was to be fought for and reassured that I was as invested as she was. Her best friend confided in me that she was testing me and wanted me to show her that I really cared and when I didn't it broke her. I would have fought for her at the time, but everyone suggests agreeing to the breakup and going NC. I think it is better to be bold and foolish and take a risk, then hold onto your pride, go NC, and never say how you really feel. Are there any female perspectives on this?
heatherfeather Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Sometimes it is best to take the risk, fight for her but if it isn't wanted, back off, and go no contact. At least you left her knowing how you felt. That is what I did to my ex. I felt better that I laid it all out on the table on how I felt.
69ways Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 My ex told me that if I did not for her so much she would have come back to me.WTF? Cant win, can't win.....
Reddice Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I found out today my ex (from 3 years ago) is still bitter towards me and jaded because I didn't fight for her or prove my interest/intensions with her. She dumped me after 5 months together, so I agreed to the breakup, tried to go limited contact and remain friends and have gone NC ever since. I find out today that what she really wanted was to be fought for and reassured that I was as invested as she was. Her best friend confided in me that she was testing me and wanted me to show her that I really cared and when I didn't it broke her. I would have fought for her at the time, but everyone suggests agreeing to the breakup and going NC. I think it is better to be bold and foolish and take a risk, then hold onto your pride, go NC, and never say how you really feel. Are there any female perspectives on this? Well... What kind of fighting did she do for you?
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Wait... why would you fight for someone who dumped you? It's ridiculous to say "you should have fought for me". I would have responded with "well if you didn't dump me to begin with you wouldn't have had that issue now would you?" 2
shayla Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Sounds like game playing to me. She dumps you but expects you to fight for her? Say what? You fight for someone when they tell you that they aren't happy and are asking for help to find a resolution. Or when they tell you they are on the fence about staying in the relationship. Not for someone that has checked out and left you. That sounds like some high school BS to me. 1
Radu Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I found out today my ex (from 3 years ago) is still bitter towards me and jaded because I didn't fight for her or prove my interest/intensions with her. She dumped me after 5 months together, so I agreed to the breakup, tried to go limited contact and remain friends and have gone NC ever since. I find out today that what she really wanted was to be fought for and reassured that I was as invested as she was. Her best friend confided in me that she was testing me and wanted me to show her that I really cared and when I didn't it broke her. I would have fought for her at the time, but everyone suggests agreeing to the breakup and going NC. I think it is better to be bold and foolish and take a risk, then hold onto your pride, go NC, and never say how you really feel. Are there any female perspectives on this? I'm not female; a good piece of advice i was once given was 'it's best to lose some ****tests'. Tell that to her friend. She sounds manipulative, you are better off without her.
Author Breck Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Wait... why would you fight for someone who dumped you? It's ridiculous to say "you should have fought for me". I would have responded with "well if you didn't dump me to begin with you wouldn't have had that issue now would you?" Her emotions progressed faster for me than mine for her. She kept telling me she was in love with me and I kept telling her I wasn't there yet. Shayla. Thank you for the advice. Good to know when to and when not to fight for someone. 69ways. How did you find that out?
wilsonx Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 You dodged a bullet then, you would have been a rebound.
Chi townD Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 yeah, I mean what the hell kind of test is that? Did she want you to be on your hands and knees groveling at her feet and begging for a second chance? That's not a test, that's humiliation.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 If you werent in love with her yet, then she did the right thing. She is mad because she was more invested than you, and she broke up with you to wake you up. Problem is, this is an immature way to communicate her wants to you. So youre lucky you stayed away from her, it would just get worse down the line, because she doesnt know how to communicate like an adult. Any other problems, she would have kept breaking up with you instead of articulating what her problems were. And if you werent in love with her yet, theres a reason. Find someone you will be in love with.
stillafool Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 I've had an ex tell me that also ("I wanted you to fight for me" BS) after he cheated on me with someone else. That's just BS. If there is a problem why can't people sit down and express what they want and then give the other person a chance to do it.
Philosoraptor Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Her emotions progressed faster for me than mine for her. She kept telling me she was in love with me and I kept telling her I wasn't there yet. Pressure does not make for a healthy relationship. Sounds like she wanted the relationship more than she wanted you.
Trimmer Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 ...groveling at her feet and begging for a second chance? That's not a test, that's humiliation. She sounds manipulative, you are better off without her. ...this is an immature way to communicate her wants to you. So youre lucky you stayed away from her, it would just get worse down the line, because she doesnt know how to communicate like an adult. Any other problems, she would have kept breaking up with you instead of articulating what her problems were. I agree with all of these. And speaking of emotionally immature, 3 years after a breakup that SHE initiatied, she's still bitter at YOU? Talk about not owning the consequences of her behaviors... I think that if you have any tendency to wonder "what if we had stayed together," it is worth asking yourself what picture this paints of her ability to deal with real relationship dynamics, communicate honestly, and behave like an adult when things get a little rocky.
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