Enjaycee Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Hi folks. Been a while since I was last on here. My girlfriend of 18 months and I are still together in college. I am 20 and she just turned 20. It's 2am as I write this, and looking back at this in the morning, I'll probably be saying "What was I thinking!?" to myself, but right now I don't care. Things were peachy between us before January hit, and then stuff started hitting the fan. We've talked about our relationship this over and over, and my girlfriend now believes that we're no meant for each other. We're at an all time low. We rarely even kiss anymore and she's on the verge of letting go unless this begins to turn around. We both made it as orientation leaders for this summer and are working and living together on campus for freshman orientations. Spring semester begins, and my girlfriend tells me that apparently I have not been the same person since before January. I've discovered over these past few months that I have been trying too hard to try to fit in with the other orientation leaders by spewing word vomit and obscene, *******-ish jokes like most of the rest of them instead of being my former funny, nice, charming self that she misses. I haven't been this type of person in the past 4 months, and I realize this, and I'm trying to go back to the way I was by staying true to myself. I'm trying to stop compromising myself to please others who won't think for a second to return the favor. In these past few months, and after looking back at my own previous posts, I've discovered that I have been waaaay too nice to my girlfriend, to the point of letting her walk all over me like a doormat (again/still), and that I need to start taking charge and standing up for myself to her. I spoil her. I spent $400 on credit and went into debt for her for her birthday (which was just over a week ago) just so she could have a great surprise birthday party (yes, I know this is crazy, and the crazier thing is that although she told me she appreciated it, she lectured me even more that I spent way too much on her and that I should stop). In our talk last night, she was ready to break up with me, saying how we're too different. She knows I'm nice and awesome and all, but she doesn't need me to spend all kinds of money on her and do all the nice little things like a typical boyfriend would do. It makes her feel guilty when I spend so much on her and I'm not getting much back from her in return. In return I let her have it by telling her about how she's throwing away all the good times we've had, and if I'm such a nice person and that if I'm so great then why give that up instead of taking that and running with it? I also told her that if she feels guilty then why not start giving back and treating our relationship like a two-way street, the way it's supposed to be? Our relationship is backwards in that I am the more emotional one. If we were talking personality types, she would be A and I'm more AB than anything. She's independent, very outgoing, always busy with something, funny, beautiful, intelligent, and fun. I'd like to think I'm more relaxed, patient, easygoing, friendly, and a nice person to be around. She's uncomfortable with expressing her emotions, she forgets a lot of things, and she often doesn't do anything for me in return for what I do for her. I do way too much, I spoil her, and I let myself do it for her sake, again compromising myself for her happiness, which ironically is making her sad. I apologize if you took the time to read this and see how scatterbrained and possibly frustrated my thoughts are right now, but basically I would appreciate your input and any advice as to how I can be more of the man in the relationship (by taking charge, not compromising myself, not giving in, standing up to her, etc.) so that I can get our relationship back on track. And no, I'm not going to cut it off with her, because we've made it work before, and I think what we have is worth saving, and I still love her and she still wants to love me back (right now she doesn't feel the same). Thank you for your time if you've read this.
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