28 and single

[Jessann12]

I am posting more to vent and to receive any helpful feedback or if anyone else feels the same way I do.

 

I tried an online dating site and met someone. We e-mailed and texted back and forth for about 3 months before we met. We dated for three months total once we met. When we first met, I was instantly attracted to him and had a great feeling about him. The first few weeks we saw each other one time during the weekend and then it progressed to seeing each other 2-4 times per week. He gave me every indication that he was very interested in me and was serious about pursing a relationship with me. He verbally told me that he really liked me and thought that he has finally found a really good match for him. I felt like we had a lot of common. He was very good with staying in contact with me on a daily basis. Things were going very well and I was very hopeful that things would progress into a great and serious relationship. Then suddenly out of the blue I noticed he started to pull away from me. He was texting and seeing me less. For three weeks, I just sat back and gave him space. We continued to go on dates during this period (decreased to seeing each other one time per week) and in person he acted completely normal. After three weeks, his drastic change in behavior was giving me anxiety and I was becoming very upset and hurt. I ended up gently confronting him via text ( I did not want to put him on the spot). I initially said I noticed that we have not been spending as much time together and asked him if anything has changed for him. He did not repsond for two days. After two days, he said that he was not sure what I was asking. He said he was not mad at me nor was he seeing anyone else. So, I became more forward and flat out asked him if he was loosing interest, does he not have time for a relationship, etc. He kept beating around the bush and finally gave me an answer. He basically said that he likes me and I have great qualities, but that he feels that we do not clique very well. I have not heard from him in six weeks nor have I contacted him. I feeling very hurt, dispopinted and angry. It is really difficult for me to make sense of all of this since things were going so well. I deeply miss him and feel a great sense of sadness and loss. In the three months, I felt like we became pretty close and he also became a friend. I know three months is not long, but I really liked him and had a lot of hope. Has any one been in a situation like this?

 

I am also struggling with being 28 and single. I have never been one to worry about when I was going to get married and have children. But something about turning 28 has caused me to start thinking about my future in terms of marriage and starting a family. I am starting to worry that I will not find the right person and it will be too late for me to start a family. Does anyone close to my age feel the same way? It almost feels like pressure because as a woman we have a biological clock.

[raspberry.12]

Hi,

 

If you can refer to my other post you will see I'm in the similar situation like yours. I'm in my 30+, a recent break up torn me apart actually because the guy I met & fell in love (from online dating site too) so much left me without second look. We planned our future together, thought of having how many kids, etc, still withdrawn from my life due to his issue.

When we met, we knew we are not teenager/tweenager, we both considered our serious relationship. We fell in love with each other a lot. I hardly felt in love with anyone after my ex ex but with him, even on our first time date, I had really strong feelings and love for him, so did he. He told me I was the one, we were meant to be as a perfect couple. But at the end, all my hopes & future with this man was gone another time. My dream to have a happy family with the one I loved and loved me still failed, I was broken, desparated, I really don't know if I could fall in love again or not and when my dream of having my own family with a lovely husband & kids come true. But I always have faith & belief that there is definitely someone reserved for my life.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/327730-break-up-because-family

 

I could understand your feelings, even though only 3-month talking & 3-month dating but we, gals, once the feelings developed with the one we think "its the one", it's hard to walk from it easily. But think of big picture, in order to have a happy family, we need a strong relationship, someone always there for us, share & overcome all difficulties in life with us, love us truly and never make us cry.

If love is not strong enough, no foundation for a family to be started.

So be happy & have faith. True love never walks away from us. Our special guys are still on their ways approaching us :)

[Jessann12]

Thank you for your post. I appreciate your words and I think you are right when you say that true love never walks away and some where out there we will find the person that will make us happy.

 

I am sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds very disappointing, devastating and hurtful. I am sure you feel baffled and shocked by the whole thing.

[Feelin Frisky]

Hi Jessann12. 28 is young and though you may be feeling the clock ticking, you are far from missing your big chance to find someone and maybe have a family. Your story didn't have much detail as to why this guy felt the way he did so it's impossible to give hints on what to do differently. I don't want to pry and ask you personal stuff, just encourage you to keep faith that it can happen for you. Try to put yourself out where you can be discovered. If he found you interesting enough to get involved surely you'll attract someone else. Hopefully it will click better. This happens a lot to people and it's just part of the ups and downs of life. Good luck and keep your head up.

[wheream_i]

Please wake up and realize that there is life past age 28. What did you expect by this age? Wake up, have fun. Understand that there are men & women that are your age and even younger that are divorced with children wish like hell they were in your shoes. You're not missing out on anything. You'll be just fine.

[geegirl]

I got married when I was 28. Planned my life out perfectly, only to divorce years later without children. I was in my mid thirties. I felt the possibility to have a child slipping. At 40, I gave up on the idea and decided it was never in the stars and felt at peace with that decision. All the men that I dated during that span of time were disappointing so my years had slipped away. A few months ago I met a wonderful man, and in two months I hit 41 and we've talked about kids and I love the fact that I now have that possibility in my hand, whether I choose to or not is another story but I love that it's a possibility.

 

Life doesn't end at 28. It's just beginning. Don't let a clock determine the path you choose. Many women rush to start a family because they're driven by clocks. Women are having kids now in their early 40s. My gf is pregnant at 43.

 

Go out and have fun and enjoy your life. You'll look back one day and ponder why you didn't if you keep limiting yourself this way.

[wuddupsonn]

Hey,

 

I'm a guy, and I gotta tell you, things like this do happen.

You're still young, but I'm sure you both met hoping for a marriage to happen.

Marriages are huge, you know.

If two people aren't compatible, divorce is inevitable.

I would look at this as a failed try, move on and find a more suitable guy.

You should be glad that this happened.

Yes, you were hurt. But imagine if this went for longer and then he decided that you two weren't suited to get married to each other. You would've been hurt more.

I know that right now it sucks, but be glad that it didn't suck even more.

In online dating, remember this:

-Chances are that you don't have a mutual friend to ask him/her about the guy

-EVERY GUY will be a gentleman at first. Economically stable at first. Then gradually, they start revealing their true selves. What I'm saying is, don't fall so deeply in the beginning, cuz that's when guys are hiding their true selves the most. Get to know them more and then decide whether or not you want to fall for the guy.

 

Girl, you're only 28. Don't rush things and you will find a good guy.

[Pens55]

Dont worry about being 28 and single! I bet there's quite a few guys that are the same age (and older) who are single as well.

 

Believe me, Im not saying I'm a knockout or anything, but I'd like to think I'm a good catch...it just so happens that circumstances prevent us from being married(or whatever) earlier.

 

For me, I had a long term relationship that ended, and now Im back on my own. But I dont look at 28 as time to settle just to get it over with. I'll be single for the rest of my life if I dont find the right lady who I am happy with.

 

Dont worry, there are MANY, MANY good guys out there at your age. Its not like all of the good ones have been reserved by someone. The age you marry does not always correspond with your desireability...its all about how circumstances work out. Besides, us guys better with age LOL...and many people are waiting longer to settle down than in generations past.

[Reddice]

I'm male, 28 years old and single since 4 months. Sucks like hell, I know. All good women seem to be taken as well. But don't worry too much though... Sooner or later we'll meet someone who's just as ****ed up as we are. And that person will know how to treat us the way we deserve.