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Should I Call Her?


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Posted (edited)

I recently dated a girl for nearly two months and every time we were together was better than the last - more fun, more passionate. It became sexual despite some apprehension on her part and I slept over with her one night. She just got out of a 3-year relationship but we were amazed at our compatibility, talking and laughing together for hours. We seemed on the verge of becoming a couple. Then one night she was acting somewhat distant and finally broke into a nervous discussion with me about not being emotionally ready to be fully sexually intimate or to start a new relationship yet. I called her the next week and she officially said she wasn't ready and apologized for trying things out with me and it not being the right time. I couldn't believe it; one night she was half naked in my arms in bed, and the next time I saw her our relationship was put into question.

 

I'm 25 and can safely say that I'm not a very average person. I'm not attracted to most girls psychologically and I've never met a girl like her that I'm so compatible with. She and I could relate to one another so well and talk for hours. Our values, morals, and lifestyles are nearly identical and we have many similar tastes. I know we're highly compatible for a serious relationship. There's no doubt in my mind that we're a great match.

 

She closed her online dating account, proving that she was honest with me. She said she'd be open to staying in touch, but we both agreed that friendship could get messy. As we said our goodbyes in person, we laughed and joked just like in the past. After she hugged me and we parted ways, I told myself to never look back, but it didn't take long for me to shift on that. I plan to call her in a few months to see if she'd like to casually meet at a restaurant and catch up.

 

I've never met anyone like her - not even close - and I can't let her go without giving it another try. I've had girls find me attractive physically and mentally, but it ultimately never led to a strong mutual interest. This girl was different. She won't stay unready to date forever, and I'm dying to pick up where we very abruptly left off. I thought I could move on, but the pain seems to only increase every week. Should I wait two months? Four months?

Edited by Scotty Riggs
Posted

She wasn't ready and graciously spared you the expense of being a rebound. It's rare to find someone so honest so cherish that and hate to say it move on. You WILL find someone to connect with on that level again and she will find 10 others to do the same. Classic case of right person wrong circumstances etc etc. Respect her for minimizing your heart ache don't contact her again and if she ever gets in touch with you again and you're available than take it from there. Otherwise go live your life...good luck!

  • Author
Posted
Classic case of right person wrong circumstances etc etc.
Thanks, but I don't understand. If she's the right person, why can't we ever see each other again? Why are we barred from ever trying again when we were clearly very compatible? It's such a waste.
Posted

I say contact her once more when you feel ready. If she doesn't respond or if it fails, let it go.

 

Dont bite my head off for saying this but: there IS a chance that she wasn't completely into you after all. Even if the chemistry was mind-blowing, she may have found something about you that didn't scream *boyfriend* to her and she ran away. And she deleted her account because you were the closest she came to what she wanted, and probably knew there wasn't any point in trying with another guy online. I'm not saying this is why she backed off, just that it's possible. As a girl myself, I know that it's possible to feel totally into someone but then suddenly you realize SOMETHING feels off just enough to throw away the whole thing.

 

It also could be actually what she said. Maybe she really did feel messed up inside and knew she had to let a great guy go. I say contact her and find out for yourself, if you can.

Posted
Thanks, but I don't understand. If she's the right person, why can't we ever see each other again? Why are we barred from ever trying again when we were clearly very compatible? It's such a waste.

 

That's what I was attempting to point out. She is the right person for YOU. But she just got out of a long term relationship so she is attempting to figure out who she is as a person, what she needs, what she wants etc. If you let her go and she comes back than your connection was mutual. And if she doesn't than you will have your answer. It sucks man but you can't have a healthy relationship with someone that doesn't have proper time to heal from a past relationship. It's just the nature of how hearts mend.

 

You guys both agreed that a friendship would be messy so what would you gain from contacting her ie: pressuring her into being around you? Get scarce man and go live your life and if she felt the same for you as you did for her she will absolutely get in touch with you. Like the saying goes absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Posted

I hate to say this, but this gal has rejected you for whatever reason. I'm sure she's alright like you said, but she's not going to be with you for whatever reason. Don't stress over it, just move on.

Posted

She was vulnerable coming from a long term relationship. She needed that reassurance in herself that she is beautiful for a guy, that she had a moment of weakness with you. But eventually, after the hormones, she realized that having another relationship instantly is not the answer for her. She needs to be whole again for herself and for the next person she will love. She became fair to you.

 

If you really like her, it's not that bad to try contacting her once in a while. You gotta be patient. Give her the space she needs and don't pressure her into something she is not ready for. Make her feel that you would like to get to know her more but still respect the boundaries she might set.

 

It's better to give it a try, rather than asking what ifs.

  • 3 weeks later...
  • Author
Posted

I called last week and left a message. No response. I knew this would happen but still feel terrible. I haven't had a single date since we split in April, so I feel like I'm on a losing streak.

 

My housemates are on vacation so I'm home alone, very lonely, and I'm almost feeling desperate enough to go to her apartment and tell her it would mean a lot to me if she came over for supper, as a friend. I've no friends in the area and I loved talking to her, but this would probably be a ridiculous and stupid action..

Posted

Perhaps she is back with her ex. I had the same thing happen to me (except with no explanation). I'm sorry, it's awful!

Posted

I know this is easier said than done but go bang another chick. You'll feel 100x better.

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