LoverOfDance Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 I'm trying desperately to get over this guy. It seems like the most impossible thing in the world. Believe me, I've been trying for the past four months. I've had tests and exams and a lot of work to do. I've been extremely busy to say the least and I'm still not over him. I'm getting really tired of trying. I know he cares about me but I also know for a fact that he doesn't care half as much as I do. I lost my dad two years ago. I loved him with all my heart and soul but what I went through during my mourning period is not half as hard and as painful as what I'm going through right now. I know it's difficult to believe but it's true. Someone please help me. I don't want to suffer anymore. It's too much for me. Link to post Share on other sites
chapter44 Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 I am very sorry you are having such a difficult time tonight. I can't speak for everyone here but I can tell you I have been there and back. It sounds to me like you hav seome positive things happening in your life try to focus your energy on the good things in your life. Things do get better with time you just need to believe that even though you cant see it now - it will get better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoverOfDance Posted May 31, 2012 Author Share Posted May 31, 2012 Thanks for the reply. I really don't know what else to do. I'm thinking of moving to another city in hope that the distance will make it a little easier for me but I have too many commitments here so I can't leave. I'm so stuck. I don't know how I'm gonna get through this. I've tried too many times. I don't think I can do it alone. I think I need serious help. I know he likes me too cause he reciprocates everything I do but he will never dare try to make a move on me cause he has a girl and I don't want him to cause I don't want to be that girl who comes in between two people. If we can't be together then I just want to get over him. I don't believe anything is impossible but I honestly can't see a way out of this right now. I've been feeling stuck for a very long time now. I feel like I'm stuck in a very deep hole and i have no idea how I'm gonna get out of it.*Sigh* Link to post Share on other sites
manup Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 I'm trying desperately to get over this guy. It seems like the most impossible thing in the world. Believe me, I've been trying for the past four months. I've had tests and exams and a lot of work to do. I've been extremely busy to say the least and I'm still not over him. I'm getting really tired of trying. I know he cares about me but I also know for a fact that he doesn't care half as much as I do. I lost my dad two years ago. I loved him with all my heart and soul but what I went through during my mourning period is not half as hard and as painful as what I'm going through right now. I know it's difficult to believe but it's true. Someone please help me. I don't want to suffer anymore. It's too much for me. dad vs. young love you f'n serious? Link to post Share on other sites
GildedLily Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 I've been exactly where you are now, let me tell you what I learned. This is basically an obsessive compulsive crush. These kind of crushes tend to happen always with unavailable people because in your mind it's "safer". This thing starts with the attachment you had for your parents at a young age, long story short -something went wrong when you were very little and unable to process stuff like an adult. (example: your mom or dad failed to launch you into the world and let you cling to them and not stand on your own etc) this is not verbatim by the way just giving you an idea. If you want to know more research attachment theory and love relationships. Anyway this thing begins and ends with you. I would not move out of state because you will realize it's not about this guy, its about how you process things. Someone who doesn't have this element in their personality would notice a cute guy, take note of girlfriend and move on, they wouldn't spend months interpreting hugs and facial expressions, in short they wouldn't fall in love with someone they didn't know. This is not to shame you but to make you realize that you will need a therapist to work through this with you. That way you will not "crush" anymore and instead have healthy mutual relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoverOfDance Posted May 31, 2012 Author Share Posted May 31, 2012 Thanks GildedLily but to be honest I don't think it has anything to do with my childhood. I've been leaving independently since I was 11 years old. My mum purposely put me in boarding school to teach me how to be independent and how to take care of myself without anyone's help. I don't think I'm the clingy type. Yesterday he even made a joke about me avoiding him. I wasn't trying to avoid him however I was avoiding physical contact with him cause it was just too much for me emotionally. I think I'm just someone who loves to love. Don't want to be in a relationship if I'm not already crazy about that person. That's just how I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoverOfDance Posted May 31, 2012 Author Share Posted May 31, 2012 I'm trying so hard to be strong cause honestly I'm getting really frustrated with my inability to get over the situation. I've been living in the moment and keeping busy but I'm still not over him. I just feel really weak sometimes and I feel like I'm not as strong as I thought I was. This is definitely one of my weak moments and I'm gonna keep fighting this until I'm able to finally get out of it. I won't give up. Thanks for the positive words. Link to post Share on other sites
aiyam Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 Both situations undergo the same stages - denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. You might feel that it was easier to move on with the death of your father because you know in yourself that you cannot do anything about it, or rather no amount of tears will bring him back. On the other hand, with that guy, you are still hoping in yoir heart and mind, that there is a possibility of something. Moving on will never be easy. You have to let your mind do the work for now. Be objective about things. Think of the time and wonderful things that you might lose while dwelling on this hurt and pain. Re channel your energy in productive works that you can accomplish. Take it one day at a time. Eventually, you would nkt notice that you have done it Link to post Share on other sites
theseeker Posted May 31, 2012 Share Posted May 31, 2012 You are experiencing the absolute worst feeling in the whole world and of all time. When I went through similar, I was only able to feel better once I had moved. I am not talking about moving to a different apartment complex, I am talking about moving to a different city, state or country. I suffered, like you are suffering now, for a whole year. A long loooong horrible painful year. At the end of that year I was the shadow of the person I used to be. I was emotionally drained and mentally exhausted from trying to keep my grades up while going through this extreme heart break. I was also completely sleep deprived and had lost 50 some odd pounds. I look back and wonder how I lived through it. Do not let this happen to you. I was a senior during all of this, and at the end of the year, once I had gotten my bachelor's, my mother told me that enough was enough and that I was going to move back home for a little while. My parents forced me. I thought it was a bad idea because I didn't want to take a break from school. I thought if I took a break I would get lazy and then never get my master's degree. So I moved back home, and it worked. It didn't happen overnight, but I began feeling a little better within the first couple of months. Being around those who love you is what will heal you, as well as moving away. Something about moving to a different city helps compartmentalize your ex and put them in a different time and place. My heart goes out to you. Link to post Share on other sites
GildedLily Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 you missed the point; regardless of where this comes from, this type of thinking is obsessive and NOT LOVE. There's no signs at all that he returns your affections making this an unhealthy fixation on someone that will only hurt you in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoverOfDance Posted June 1, 2012 Author Share Posted June 1, 2012 You're so wrong GildedLily. What makes it so difficult 4 me to move on is the fact that he reciprocates. I can't give u all the details because there are just too many. I know without a doubt that he feels something but he is TAKEN. He follows my lead. Whatever I do, he returns and if I do nothing, he does nothing as well. Maybe he cares more than I think, I don't know. I just know that I don't want to take it too far cause I don't want to be "the other girl". I have a lot of respect for myself so I'll never do anything to make him cheat. I'd rather move on cause I know that there's something/someone even better for me out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Dusk1983 Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 I loved him with all my heart and soul but what I went through during my mourning period is not half as hard and as painful as what I'm going through right now. Sorry but I find this utterly disgusting. How you can even equate these losses is beyond comprehension. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoverOfDance Posted June 1, 2012 Author Share Posted June 1, 2012 Please don't get me wrong. If I had to pick between both men, I would choose my Dad. Spoke to my mum and she told me heartbreaks like this can take an entire year to move on from. I know myself and I understand myself more than anyone else in this world so I know why this is so difficult for me. Both losses are not the same but the sufferings/after effect are not either. The reason why this loss hurts more than the loss of my dad is because it is prolonged and much more difficult to accept. B4 u judge please bear in mind that u don't know everything about this situation. I only gave a summary. Link to post Share on other sites
aiyam Posted June 1, 2012 Share Posted June 1, 2012 Don't settle for someone who treats you as an option. Don't fall for the reasons on why she can't end the relationship with the other girl. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yookie Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 Thanks GildedLily but to be honest I don't think it has anything to do with my childhood. I've been leaving independently since I was 11 years old. My mum purposely put me in boarding school to teach me how to be independent and how to take care of myself without anyone's help. I don't think I'm the clingy type. Yesterday he even made a joke about me avoiding him. I wasn't trying to avoid him however I was avoiding physical contact with him cause it was just too much for me emotionally. I think I'm just someone who loves to love. Don't want to be in a relationship if I'm not already crazy about that person. That's just how I am. Wow and you really think your childhood was nurturing? You need more help than you realize. The fact that you have a clearly unhealthy attachment for no good reason to this married man should be a huge clue. If you are really serious about getting over him then you will do the smart thing and CUT ALL CONTACT period. Then move on from there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted June 2, 2012 Share Posted June 2, 2012 I am sorry to hear that you are suffering like this. But, take comfort in the fact that you are not the only one. It's ok to cry, it's ok to be depressed, it's ok to feel bad. But, life goes on. It wasn't meant to be for whatever reason, and there will be someone else someday, somehow. One of the best ways to get rid of this is to take up working out, if you haven't already. Get on the treadmill and run away from the problems, or take up yoga and make yourself do something uncomfortable for a while. You could find something you like even better. Head up and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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