I'm ready to move fwd. is he?

[MissEO]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 18mths. We are 13 years apart and met when I was 19. We worked together and quickly grew attached but the only problem was he was legally married. When we first started dating he was separated from his wife but still living with her until he could find a place to stay. He has no family or close friends in the state we live in. One night while he was picking me up from work she called and I guess that's when she found out about me. She kicked him out that night and he was staying in his car until he found a place of his own.

 

About a month later he moved into his own place only to be kicked out two months later because of an altercation near his apartment with his then wife. I asked my mother if he could stay with us for a few months and reluctantly she obliged. Over the course of our relationship I have lost a best friend and *my relationship with my mom was a little rocky but I love my boyfriend so much he's the best thing to happen to me. He's a great dad to his two kids, anything I ask he provides and I love him immensely. We recently received great news that his divorce is final! We plan on getting married one day and starting a family but I'm not sure if that's what he really wants. We have been living with my mother for about a year including one month where he left because of issues going on with my mom. Honestly since he moved back things have been pretty ok.

 

We've been trying to find our own apartment but something always come up either with his kids or his ex wife whereas he has to use money he's saving up for us to move. I'm just ready to move forward but I feel some resistance from him. He assures me that in time we will move but stresses the importance of saving money to do so. *I mean he pays for groceries, my cell phone bill, and gives me pocket money every time he gets paid and anytime my mom asks him for anything he provides it. Should I just relax and not stress him about moving fwd? I'm ready for the next phase in our relationship and I know he is too but what's the hold up!?!?*

[Philosoraptor]

Have you asked him where he stands on things? Clear and effective communication is the best way to get an answer. Just do it in a calm and fun way rather than an interrogation.

 

For your sake I hope things work out well as I've read many a similar situation that ends up badly as many "legally" married men who still live with their wives aren't quite ready for a new relationship.

[d'Arthez]

Tread carefully. He may be divorced now, but that is only a legal state. There is still a ton of emotional baggage that he will have to work through, the two children, etc..

 

You are still young, and chances are you will change a lot in the coming years. You may want commitments from him (marriage, children) that he feels he is not ready to provide, and he may simply not be interested in doing these things ever again, let alone make such major commitments right now.

 

Whether he is making excuses or not is hard to tell. Best way forward is clearcut communication about what you want, what you want from life etc.. Don't make it too heavy - he may feel enough pressure as it is.