He's back with his ex. I can't accept it.

[marigo]

I was with this guy for 6 months. He is a marine and right from the start told me he doesn't want anything serious because he is probably leaving for deployment. We found out a couple months ago that he's leaving for deployment in September and he said he doesnt want to deal with long distance relationships because they dont work. He said all his relationships have been long distance and none of them worked. Basically I knew that once he leaves, our relationship is going to end. I had a choice whether or not to leave or to stay and i decided to stay and just enjoy my time with him while he's still here. He ended things about 2 weeks ago, a lot sooner than I thought and i knew he was doing what's best for the both of us since we were getting even more attached. I wasnt mad at him since it was my decision to stay knowing that it's gonna end once he leaves. We decided to be friends and few days after the break up, we were talking like normal.

 

Then about 4-5 days later, he deleted me off facebook and I was confused why. I found out he's back with his ex gf. He doesn't know that I know but someone told me. I dont know how long they were together but the girl was basically saying that their relationship has been going on and off for years. From what I know though, they broke up more than a year ago when we met and she had a boyfriend too. I am so hurt. The break up itself was hard because I love him but I was prepared for it to end. But getting back with his ex, I didnt see that one coming. She's from out of state and it hurts that he'd rather have a long distance relationship with her than me who lives near by his base. I feel so betrayed and deceived and yet I want him back. I miss him so much and I dont know what to do. Worse yet, I'm blaming myself for it. The last time we talked was me confronting him as to why he deleted me and he basically told me that I was pushing him away by questioning him and pushing for answers. I dont know what to do. Im beating myself up because I feel like it's my fault.

 

PS: he wasnt the most affectionate guy and hasn't really said much emotion or feelings and i thought that was part of being a marine. But when i saw him say I love you too back to his ex, i was crushed. He never said it to me. The only time he ever told me he cared about me was when he was breaking up with me.

Edited May 31, 2012 by marigo

[alexandria35]

If her has been off and on with his ex for years then it sounds like he might have an addictive type of relationship with her. It's got nothing to do with you and you shouldn't feel bad about yourself because of it. I've had this kind of on/off relationship with someone and it's a tough cycle to break. We would constantly break up and try to move on and then one of us would have a weak moment and call the other back. Our break ups would last anywhere between 2 weeks right up to 18 months. Sometimes we would get involved with other people during these breaks. I feel bad for the people who got involved with us because we were never really emotionally available to them even though they were fine people.

 

Did you know about this ex and that they had a habit of breaking up and then getting back together? I understand that you are hurt right now but consider yourself lucky that you only invested six months into it and you knew it was going to end anyways. You say you can't accept it but your kind of have to accept it because what other choice to you have. Understandably you are hurting and confused at the moment but you will recover and eventually meet someone right for you.

[Tiera D]

You are a rebound its written all over your thread,is it so hard to see?

 

TD

[marigo]

Alexandria- Thank you for your response dear. And no i didnt know they had a habit of breaking it off and getting back together because if i knew I def wouldve said something to him. Honestly, the only reason i really know about their relationship was because she would tend to like his posts on facebook and ive seen comments of her on his pics from back in 2010 saying I love you and stuff. i got curious and saw comments of them to each other from back in 2010 saying i love you. I never told him i saw those comments but i asked him about her because like i said she would like his posts on facebook from time to time. i asked if she was an ex and he said no. I asked if they dated and he said kinda, sorta but it never really got there. He said it was one complicated relationship. Thats all i know of it. So i was confused when the girl started posting on facebook after they got back together that it's been going on for years. I want to move on but im having a hard time accepting that theyre back together. I miss him so much and i want to talk to him. yet a part of me is so angry that i just wish it doesnt work out for the both of them.

 

Tiera D- They've been broken up since 2010 and that's why i didnt think i was a rebound.

[BewitchedandBothered]

OH:( He was never over his ex; you were there to kill time. Now she is there to kill time; he is going away anyway. Sounds like a wishy washy dude. You were used, but you chose to stay. YOu said "we were getting attached"--YOU were getting attached. Oh...LOVE when they say "you are pushing me away with these questions!!!!"---THAT is just a dude hiding stuff and blaming the relationship's demise on your and your questioning, LOL. Glad this guy is out of your life. It wasn't a stable relationship.

[marigo]

Bewitched- Thank you for your input. Honestly, i think im just in denial right now. Ive known from the start that i was settling for less than what i deserve but i was too stupid justifying his actions. I was prepared for the break up but no matter how much i was prepared for it, of course im still gonna get hurt. I knew i was gonna be okay though. Things really just became so much more difficult when i found out he got back with his ex because i felt betrayed and deceived after telling me "i dont want a relationship when i deploy blah blah" and i hate the fact she's almost like rubbing it in that its been her all along. I just want to forget everything and move on but how?

[BewitchedandBothered]

Bewitched- Thank you for your input. Honestly, i think im just in denial right now. Ive known from the start that i was settling for less than what i deserve but i was too stupid justifying his actions. I was prepared for the break up but no matter how much i was prepared for it, of course im still gonna get hurt. I knew i was gonna be okay though. Things really just became so much more difficult when i found out he got back with his ex because i felt betrayed and deceived after telling me "i dont want a relationship when i deploy blah blah" and i hate the fact she's almost like rubbing it in that its been her all along. I just want to forget everything and move on but how?

Let time do its thing and you will move on from this guy. He was on and off with the ex anyway; and he will be off again. She sounds immature if she is rubbing it in. He said "I don't want a relationship"==he should have completed that by saying "I don't want a relationship with you; just a booty call because that's all you are to me, because I am a giant pecker-head." If a man is going to be that shallow, he is not worthy of you. And conversely, do you not value yourself? You accepted the fact that he didn't want a relationship and you stayed anyway. You sold yourself short. Know your worth and you will feel stronger each day. Do not contact him or respond to anything. Again, you will get over this, because you are too good for him.

[marigo]

Let time do its thing and you will move on from this guy. He was on and off with the ex anyway; and he will be off again. She sounds immature if she is rubbing it in. He said "I don't want a relationship"==he should have completed that by saying "I don't want a relationship with you; just a booty call because that's all you are to me, because I am a giant pecker-head." If a man is going to be that shallow, he is not worthy of you. And conversely, do you not value yourself? You accepted the fact that he didn't want a relationship and you stayed anyway. You sold yourself short. Know your worth and you will feel stronger each day. Do not contact him or respond to anything. Again, you will get over this, because you are too good for him.

 

He didn't really say the whole "i dont want a relationship" part until after the break up and his ex was trying to come back in the picture and i asked him about it. He basically was saying i dont want a relationship with anyone when i leave. Although right from the start he did say i dont want a super serious relationship, i guess that means the same thing. Maybe it was my fault for hoping that maybe once he starts having feelings for me that it'll change and even if he doesnt, i thought to myself that it'll be worth it. Ive always had a hard time feeling chemistry or spark with guys so once i do feel it, i have a hard time letting it go. So when we started dating and he told me he didnt want anything serious, i took a risk and thought that it'd be worth it in the end even though i know i might end up getting hurt. Sounds dumb but even after we broke up, i thought it was worth it that i gave him a chance. I thought highly of him. I was hurting but i thought he was a good guy and was happy that i got to be with him for 6 months. But of course the whole ex thing happened and everything changed.

 

He is leaving for deployment and im scared something will happen to him. Should i even try to make peace or no? I really appreciate your responses. I just feel like i'm at a really low point and i cant really think clearly. So thank you!

[Tiera D]

im not sure the term,but it seems he sorta used u as a painkiller to 4get his ex

 

TD