hgroog Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 (edited) My ex and I have been broken up for 5 months. Its a really long and dramatic story and I often have difficulty writing it out because so much has happened. I will try my best to explain. We were together for 2.5 years and engaged for 7 months. We met at a drugstore we both worked at. He persued me and I finally agreed. I know now that we were not a great match. We had nothing in common and had a lot of arguments. He had a history of being a playboy which he bragged about but said he wanted to change. He told me he was different and tried to reassure me that I was special than the others. The bad thing was that, He was controlling and secretive. He was always threatening to leave me, he belittled me and pretty much said, it was his way or the highway. He did a lot for me though and to that I can't say foul things. But I found out he was cheating on me for a long time with a girl who left me voicemails and emails threatening me that I was with "her boyfriend" (I didnt know who she really was until I did some research because he lied about her identity...she knew about a picture I left him in his room so you can guess how I reacted) but...he said she was not his gf and that he owed her money but he said he would never talk to her again (in tears too) I made the mistake of giving him a second chance after that and then we got engaged about 6 months later (april 2011). We worked together at a new company and around that time, a new girl showed up in our department. She was quiet and clingy, and started getting close to him without me knowing (waiting up for him after work, etc) everyone else knew about it but didn't say anything to avoid confrontation. everything hit the fan in November of 2011, he decided he wanted a break because he needed to "better himself" and said we'd get back together after the new year. I called BS. I knew it had to do with the new girl. He didn't come home one night and spent it at a coworkers house...where she was too. So he tells me he loves and me and hopes it works out. Then I didnt hear from him for a few days. I find out he had taken her to dinner a week earlier and they "discussed" their feelings. I was so hurt by this, its like he changed completely overnight or just hiding his true self for so long. After they got together, he told me that it was all my fault because I did nothing for him (Such lies, I did so much for him and even his family!) and I could not please him sexually. then He said that he wasn't the one for me and that I deserved better. (He lied and said, "it just happened with her" because I know it didnt. I had to get something from our email account we shared and I found out he was still talking to the crazy girl and even asking her how to Leave me for this new girl. I also found hair in his car and in bed that I know belonged to the new girl...) He called me for two months after that, almost daily. I normally never answered his calls but a few times I did and he always break down crying and talk about us getting back together (never acted on it) and then ask why I didn't do the stuff his new gf does for him. I guess she goes above and beyond to please and pampher him? What does it matter. (I heard he's tried to leave her once and she put roses all over his car...? When ever he tried to leave me, i'd show him the door. I don't get scared so easily) Its been 5 months total since the break, and we don;t talk because I would rather not and because his gf insists that he doesn't speak to me (She knew we were engaged but she wanted him so badly I guess.) he was fired from work in February but shes still works there (we work different shifts) LAst I heard, he's calling her the love of his life now. He's taken her to all the places we used to go together and introduced her to his family a few weeks after dating. I guess I was never that special because I've been completely replaced! I'm still deeply hurt by this whole thing. I fell in love with someone who ultimiately never cared for me. WE were engaged and I guess that doesn't stop some people from cheating or trying to steal a mate. He didn't want to work things out and said he gave me three days after the break to try to fix things? (why is it MY job to fix things?) I tried therapy but it didn't make me feel better. my life has been chaos since he left because everything I did revolved around him. I gave up a lot of friends and holidays with my own family to be with him. (he never once came to mine, didn't even ask my Dad for my hand in marriage) What do i do? I am so embarassed by not only my family but my coworkers too. I'm depressed and its very hard not to cry sometimes. I was doing ok for a while but I got into a rough patch again recently when I heard that he almost got his gf pregnant. My coworkers like to gossip and are a bit insensitive. I'm scared that I will never find a guy who will love and respect me. I'm nearly 30 years old and it seems like theres a shortage of men in my area (decent men at least). I want to know if there is a light at the end of this tunnel... Any advice would be appreciated. Edited May 30, 2012 by hgroog typos
g450 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 What should you do? Nothing. Leave him alone and erase him from your life. Eventually you will start to feel better. And yes, there is no shortage of men but a huge shortage of good men. Found this out after my divorce and started to date. All the competition were married guys cheating on their wives and total losers who acted like players. So even an older beer belly 48 year old like me had open season for the women who were smart enough to see a good catch. The easiest way to tell a good guy from the players is that the good ones usually hate dating LOL. I know I did. But seriously, you will be OK. One thing my friends and family always told me was that love will find you when and where you least expect it. Heal yourself and be patient. You are still very young. You just dont know that right now.
Author hgroog Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 I guess Im more angry than sad. He ruined me so he could be happy with this girl. know she's glowing right about now cause she thinks she has a great catch.( I know he's done the same to the stalker ex as he did to me) It irritate me how people can be so selfish. I will never understand that. I won't dwell on it though. I never met a guy who doesn't like dating lol. Maybe all the guys out here are players then. My previous ex before this one cheated as well. Same thing too, with the girl baggage and not being able to keep himself under control around other women. Anyways i guess the good ones are few, far and inbetween. I don't want to date for a very long time. i will be ok. I just don't like feeling like this. Thank you for your wise words.
dylan797 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Sounds like a narcissist. I dated one. They wear many masks and can be anything they want to be as long as it gets them what they want. And the great thing about narcissists is they can rationalize everything they do. And. Everything is about what you can do for them. All you can do is run! You can't help thinking about him, that's natural. But don't respond when he calls or texts. **** him. Just think about all the **** he lied about and feed off that anger. In one year..youll realize he was a douche..not even worth your time. Death to all cheaters!!!!!..)..not that I'm jaded or anything. )
Author hgroog Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 Sounds like a narcissist. I dated one. They wear many masks and can be anything they want to be as long as it gets them what they want. And the great thing about narcissists is they can rationalize everything they do. And. Everything is about what you can do for them. All you can do is run! You can't help thinking about him, that's natural. But don't respond when he calls or texts. **** him. Just think about all the **** he lied about and feed off that anger. In one year..youll realize he was a douche..not even worth your time. Death to all cheaters!!!!!..)..not that I'm jaded or anything. ) Oddly enough, I thought about this a few months back. I always thought he was rather odd compared to other guys. He thinks so highly of himself, and used to call himself "Daddy", which I found revolting in a way. I had a confrontation with him and his GF when I found out they were dating (He just walked away and hoped I'd take a hint or something.) He said that I should apologize to her and tell her "good luck and that I know very well that he is special and can be destructive". I almost busted out laughing when he said this too. LOL I dodged a huge bullet!
g450 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 One thing that always brings me comfort is knowing that eventually cheaters attract other cheaters and get cheated on themselves. Same thing goes with people who are commitment minded. Eventually we will all find the person we should be with.
Author hgroog Posted June 1, 2012 Author Posted June 1, 2012 One thing that always brings me comfort is knowing that eventually cheaters attract other cheaters and get cheated on themselves. I too take comfort in thinking that what goes around comes around. I know its wrong to wish bad things on another but its so hard not to when you've been wronged! He and his gf lack empathy so they don't care who or what they have to step on to get what they want. I hope it catches up with them someday. I really do. Same thing goes with people who are commitment minded. Eventually we will all find the person we should be with. Thanks for this, it made me feel better.
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