Necris Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 After the no sex until marriage thread I was wondering why is sex so important? It just seems like something that would complicate a relationship and warp feelings of love to me I know its supposed to be a fun activity that people engage in that helps spread the human race but sex for some people seems to rank almost as high as water in terms of importance. Now I know I am a virgin myself who has never had a relationship with a woman beyond simple friendship and the most intimate contact I ever had was a friendly non-sexual hug but I don't see why sex has to be so important. Maybe its our sex-crazed culture just look at the media sex is everywhere nearly every song is related to sex or a relationship in some way.I'm even laughed at for being a virgin (I also find it weird that people automatically know that I'm a virgin) even my own parents think something is wrong with me like thinking I'm secretly gay or possibly becoming schizophrenic.
irin Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 :mad::mad:im starting to think that alot of sexually active people dont like the thought of grown adults abstaining from sex. its basically join the crowd thing. because there arent many of us. some genuinely dont understand because sex is just a normal thing for them to do. im amazed how judgemental and un-accepting people are. i have never told someone not to have sex, if they wished. my believes are my own, i dont know why i have to be ridiculed for them.
SmileFace Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Its not that simple. A lady has to be willing and for the virgin or newbie that could be like climbing mt Everest. Do you know how much people attempt to climb Mt.Everest? I am just kidding. However I am not going to try and understand how hard it may be, sorry.
InJest Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 A relationship without sex is just a friendship. As to why people put such a high value on it..many reasons. External validation is a big part of it for a lot of people. It certainly was for me, early on. Now I just have a really high sex drive. Nothing to do with media, I just like being close to people and I see it as a form of communication. Can't lie though, I also love the drunken ****. How old are you?
SmileFace Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 :mad::mad:im starting to think that alot of sexually active people dont like the thought of grown adults abstaining from sex. its basically join the crowd thing. because there arent many of us. some genuinely dont understand because sex is just a normal thing for them to do. im amazed how judgemental and un-accepting people are. i have never told someone not to have sex, if they wished. my believes are my own, i dont know why i have to be ridiculed for them. Abstaining from sex and not being able to get sex are two different entities.
MrNate 2.0 Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 :mad::mad:im starting to think that alot of sexually active people dont like the thought of grown adults abstaining from sex. its basically join the crowd thing. because there arent many of us. some genuinely dont understand because sex is just a normal thing for them to do. im amazed how judgemental and un-accepting people are. i have never told someone not to have sex, if they wished. my believes are my own, i dont know why i have to be ridiculed for them. Irin, I'm starting to think you're less ok than you think you are. It seems like your sexual frustration is speaking. I don't see anyone being judgmental in here. You are a red blooded mammal, having sex is something we've been doing wayyyy before marriage came around. If you plan on holding out until marriage, I don't think anyone will ridicule you. However, I would just say at least think about it and make sure this is the route you want to go. I'd hate for you to wait until marriage just to find out you're not getting it how you would prefer. Go get them toes curled girl.
SmileFace Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Its your implcation that it was easy. Its easy if your attractive? Im not. All I said was have sex, I never said it was easy. 1
irin Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 im referring to the thread i made about no sbm, where people just attacked me.
SmileFace Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 It was implied in the casual manner. How you take what I type has nothing to do with how it was implied.
pteromom Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Everyone is different, and sex is NOT important to everyone. People have different priorities. For some, sex is a #1 or #2 priority in life, and others don't care if they ever have it. I disagree that a relationship without sex is a friendship. There are many ways to be intimate with someone, and if both people have low sex drives, there are lots of ways for them to express their love to each other without sex. I have friends in situations like this, and they have happy loving marriages with little or no sex.
InJest Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Not really. They definitely are two different things. One is by choice, and that makes a huge difference. Irin, you sound curious and scared. You seem like you want to hold the values of where you were raised, but you also see how much people enjoy it and want to try for yourself. You've come up with some really stupid arguments for not having sex, that don't hold water, and that's why you've been ridiculed.
pteromom Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Cant stand you but this is the norm. People guys and girls making fun of me. Nobody was making fun of you... the point was once you have sex, you would know why it is important. There are always a small % of jerks in any group, so you may come across them on here too (not saying anyone who has responded so far is one of them), but trust me - most of the people here are rooting for you having sex and finding a relationship, and are on your side.
InJest Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I have friends in situations like this, and they have happy loving marriages with little or no sex. On the outside. I'd bet my house that someone in that relationship wants more sex, but it's a moot point since there is no way for either of us to know.
SmileFace Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Not really. Those who cant get any sex are abstating. Yes you have abstained from sex but you aren't practicing abstinence so yes they are two different things. Why don't you like me -- you don't even know me.
pteromom Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 On the outside. I'd bet my house that someone in that relationship wants more sex, but it's a moot point since there is no way for either of us to know. So - do you think that there are some people who have very low or non-existent sex drives? If so, why is it improbable that two of those people would get together?
SmileFace Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Because youre talking down to me like Im a little infant. If you say so, good luck dude.
ThaWholigan Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Sex is seen as important for a variety of reasons, fun, intimacy, procreation, extreme pleasure, orgasms, sensuality....I could go on Interesting that someone brought up low sex drives, as for people like those, things other than sex derives much more intimacy for them. People vary.
SmileFace Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Sex is seen as important for a variety of reasons, fun, intimacy, procreation, extreme pleasure, orgasms, sensuality....I could go on Interesting that someone brought up low sex drives, as for people like those, things other than sex derives much more intimacy for them. People vary. You should really stop flaunting the fact that you have had sex so inconsiderate. Hmmph
ThaWholigan Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 You should really stop flaunting the fact that you have had sex so inconsiderate. Hmmph yeah, sure
pteromom Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 The % of jerks is up around 75 everywhere and that isn't small. Frankly I dont think anyones rooting for me. Their just creeped out. Well, you are wrong. I am not creeped out, and I am rooting for you. And I think it is sad that you think 75% of people are jerks, if you really believe that. In my experience, it's more like 2%, and even within that 2%, most of them are just people who are in pain and are lashing out at others because they don't know what else to do. Most people are good, with good intentions. If you are walking around thinking that 75% of the people you come into contact are jerks who are laughing at you, that probably has a lot more to do with why you don't attract women than a little gut or receding hairline (honestly there are LOTS of us ladies who don't care about things like that at all).
RedRobin Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 At the risk of sounding judgmental in the reverse, I'll attempt to do some explaining for the sex is first priority crowd. It seems alot of people don't have the patience to get to know someone without sex being involved. I agree with you that there is alot of basic things you can learn about sexual compatibility without needing to have sex with someone. Interestingly, when you see them come here and gripe about their relationship troubles, it is rarely because of sex. It is usually due to differences in values and life goals. All things very easily sorted out and probably more cleanly, without sex entering the picture. So, this is where I completely agree with you that sex muddies the waters... for those who are looking for commitment that is. I tend to believe that the people criticizing you the most for your beliefs are people who don't really believe in the value of commitment and sex is probably the only way they have any kind of bond or receive any level of affection from their fellow human beings. Most of them have written long treatises on the value of FWB and casual sex, so it is not like they necessarily attach much meaning to sex. So, you can view their objections through that light. There is a middle ground of people who don't believe in waiting until marriage, but who also don't believe in sleeping with someone without a significant emotional attachment. That would be me. To be clear... Since my divorce, I've had the opportunity to have sex with someone I loved and someone I didn't love but hoped to love. Sex when you are in love, and especially in the context of a committed relationship, is so much more amazing. I'll never go back to the kind of 'relationships' most people go in for today. I don't intend to wait until marriage, but I'm not having casual sex either.
ThaWholigan Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 At the risk of sounding judgmental in the reverse, I'll attempt to do some explaining for the sex is first priority crowd. It seems alot of people don't have the patience to get to know someone without sex being involved. I agree with you that there is alot of basic things you can learn about sexual compatibility without needing to have sex with someone. Interestingly, when you see them come here and gripe about their relationship troubles, it is rarely because of sex. It is usually due to differences in values and life goals. All things very easily sorted out and probably more cleanly, without sex entering the picture. So, this is where I completely agree with you that sex muddies the waters... for those who are looking for commitment that is. I tend to believe that the people criticizing you the most for your beliefs are people who don't really believe in the value of commitment and sex is probably the only way they have any kind of bond or receive any level of affection from their fellow human beings. Most of them have written long treatises on the value of FWB and casual sex, so it is not like they necessarily attach much meaning to sex. So, you can view their objections through that light. There is a middle ground of people who don't believe in waiting until marriage, but who also don't believe in sleeping with someone without a significant emotional attachment. That would be me. To be clear... Since my divorce, I've had the opportunity to have sex with someone I loved and someone I didn't love but hoped to love. Sex when you are in love, and especially in the context of a committed relationship, is so much more amazing. I'll never go back to the kind of 'relationships' most people go in for today. I don't intend to wait until marriage, but I'm not having casual sex either. Good for you . I think that is likely how things will pan out for myself in any event, and I would be happy with such. Even though I have nothing against a casual arrangement and wouldn't be against it, I would be more drawn towards something more intimate. I know you don't think much of multi-dating either . Again, not against it, but I don't think I would have too much patience for it myself. I'd have to try it first, then I'll let you know .
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