Barrsitter Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 over the last few days, I've been really missing my AP. Nearly texted him yesterday, but didn't. Not sure why I am missing him so much but I would love to stop. Anyone know any good brain surgeons who could give me a lobotomy?
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 No good can come of you contacting him after 7.5 months of NC. Glad you didn't email or text him! It's okay to miss him, I'm sure you're going to have moments in time when you truly miss what you two shared and how he made you feel. 1
MissBee Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 over the last few days, I've been really missing my AP. Nearly texted him yesterday, but didn't. Not sure why I am missing him so much but I would love to stop. Anyone know any good brain surgeons who could give me a lobotomy? I definitely know the feeling. Unfortunately there is no lobotomy. But you've been doing great! It can be annoying when you go a long time and feel fine then out of nowhere you have these overwhelming emotions of misisng this person/wanting to talk to them/ etc. But this too shall pass. The feelings are transient I've learned. Usually if you can manage to ride it out and sleep on it (sleeping on it works wonders ), the overwhelming nature dies down and you feel fine and you keep on. Keep on keeping on. Pretty soon these feelings will be even fewer and far between until they dwindle to nothing and he becomes a regular guy you used to know and not anyone who can control your emotions. 3
Author Barrsitter Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 Hey All, The warmer weather and thoughts of him going to his cottage with his W, made me miss him and then get angry actually. I guess I'm jealous of his W. It's dumb, I know.
Emme Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 That was funny... Oh you will be fine. Summer fever has you. All you have to do is imagine it's winter. As cold as winter is that's how the relationship was. Fight and keep fighting. It's truly not easy but in the end put yourself first.
Author Barrsitter Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 Emme, You said the relationship was "cold". I wish you were correct. It would have been much easier to say goodbye. Unfortunately, it was everything I ever wanted, but alas, it was "off-limits".
MissBee Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Hey All, The warmer weather and thoughts of him going to his cottage with his W, made me miss him and then get angry actually. I guess I'm jealous of his W. It's dumb, I know. It's normal and not dumb at all. I remember during my breakup, especially since I was single and my ex had moved on to another relationship, I too felt jealous of the woman he was with at the time and angry at him. I felt like I was alone, hurting and hadn't moved on and that he was happy and she was living the life I should be living with him. It's a normal train of thought. But you have to take the focus off him and live your life and make your own happiness and not measure it against him and his life and her. Don't beat yourself up. Think it, feel it, then say you know what, big deal? I'm going to go do XYZ fun thing that is for you! There is enough happiness and joy in the world to go around. Yours isn't dependent on theirs and he is not the greatest man alive. He is not your man, but at some point, you'll have your own relationship and memories to create and you can start even now while single.
Emme Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Emme, You said the relationship was "cold". I wish you were correct. It would have been much easier to say goodbye. Unfortunately, it was everything I ever wanted, but alas, it was "off-limits". That's not what I meant. You are making it worse for yourself. Work with me woman... . Think COLD... Your relationship didn't blossom into what you might of wanted. That makes it COLD. Think in those terms. No thoughts of passion/heat, none.
skywriter Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Barrsitter, I hope that your missing your AP will change for you soon. I know how you are feeling though. When I get the urge to phone or text, the exMM. I try to imagine how the call or text might go. He may ignore me, and how will this make me feel. Certainly not any better that I had, likely worse. The mindgames I will put myself through. If he were to answer, would we feel to awkward to have a decent conversation, or worse, will one of us say something that causes the conversation to become very disappointing. The whole idea of contact becomes exhausting and I feel safer just thinking about him until I get past it. I hope you can get past it too.
sad puppy Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Hi B! You are doing great at 7.5 months and I'm so happy you didn't break NC. I'm glad you identified your trigger, ie, summertime. Let your feelings wash over you like a wave, and they will swim back out to sea. Breathe. I'm at NC for almost 5 months and I'm in a better place, although still have thoughts of him and sorta miss him but I know I don't want a man I can't trust. I suspect his divorce is final anyday now. Do I want to ever start up with him again? Hell to the NO! I know the betrayal he is capable of, I know he is/was a coward for staying in his dead marriage so long, quite frankly, after all the love, drama, agony, on and off, I am so happy to be rid of him!!! At 52, he wasn't going to become an emotionally healthy guy even with IC, which he did. Think like me, think like Madea. Think! Stop ruminating over the "good times", girl. Focus on the negative attributes of the A and him. You're doing great! You're out! Keep going, girlfriend!
Author Barrsitter Posted June 3, 2012 Author Posted June 3, 2012 Hey SP...great to hear from you. Thanks for the pep talk. I have no idea why I am thinking about xMM so much. I'm just glad I can talk to you here and not doing something dumb like call him.
sad puppy Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 Nope, don't call him. We are here, so communicate here if you like. These things seem to go in phases, I know. Hard to dig out of the thinking, pondering, wondering, ... Trying to keep busy is a good option. It helps. I focus on xMM's negative qualities and keep focused on that, to stay strong. It's natural to miss them, but, it's better to maintain NC, for yourself. NC doesn't keep you in hell, it opens the doors and lets you out!!! Sending hugs!! 1
Fitz Posted June 3, 2012 Posted June 3, 2012 You might want to consider therapy to better understand your psychological motivations etc.
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