frozensprouts Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 infidelity can be so very hurtful, and there are times when it feels like the worst thing you can ever go through... I remember very much feeling that way.... i also remember having some pretty vivid "revenge fantasies" , that, looking back, seem pretty funny today...I would have never acted on them, and they were often totally irrational, but they did , in a way, help me through a really rough time. I think it says a lot for the idea that one can feel good again that I can laugh about them now, if only to myself. Has anyone else felt that way? Did/do you have any "revenge fantasies" or even just something amusing to share? I know infidelity is nothing to laugh about, but I hope that maybe someone who is hurting right now may read one of these stories ( if anyone chooses to respond) and will see that there is light at the end of the tunnel, you can feel good again. One "fantasy" that I had, which seems laughable when i look back on it, was of putting a big advertisement in our local paper that had a picture of my husband and his other woman with the caption "guess what they did!" ( kind of like a tabloid thing). Of course that's silly, and wouldn't have solved anything, but at the time, in helped ( don't know why)...now it just seems funny... I remember feeling at the time that I'd be too sad to ever laugh again, but I was so wrong...life now is good, and I am happy...i can look back on that idea and laugh...that feeling is wonderful...being happy again 1
Jethro Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I must be a really bad person... I don't think I'll choose to share my revenge fantasty with anyone here becasue there isn't one, single humorous aspect to it. Not funny at all.
MollyBrown Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Yeah, the only funny aspect I can think of would be the sight of me trying to whoopa** on someone so much bigger than me. Oh, wait. I guess there was the fantasy where I would spray paint info I knew about her on her car while she was in her favorite bar at night. That one made me chuckle because I imagined I would be wearing all black with a little knit cap like I was in Mission Impossible or something. It is nice to be able to laugh about it now. 2
pattyfromMV Posted June 6, 2012 Posted June 6, 2012 ok you guys made me laugh at a very hard time in my life , i found out my husband cheated with my best friend less than 30 days ago. I have revenge fantasies all the time . I imagine seeing her at a store ,getting the store microphone and announcing on the loud speaker "ladies beware ,keep your husbands close by , husband snatcher in the store ,will get pregnant to keep your man, and say her name and description out loud. I also imagine spraying painting her car and writing what she did . 1
2sure Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I made my fantasies come true. At the time I was...motivated. It's been a long time since I divorced him. I don't have regrets really about the dramatic things I did...but they didn't change anything, didn't change the way I feel today. Seriously funny girls night stories tho. 1
Sadwife37 Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 (edited) Revenge fantasies-you bet! For the first few months after finding out I was obsessed with them. I imagined knocking on her front door, punching her in the face and then telling her husband every horrific detail. It would brighten my day to imagine her being attacked by a pack of dogs! LOL. I really believed I would feel joy and relief if she died. Now I think about her far less often. And I am quite amused at what I would imagine. I believe it helped me survive. My best fantasy was reliving a scene from the Sons of Anarchy TV show. I actually saw the episode shortly after I found out about the affair. Gemma - A main character on the show finds out her husband had slept with another woman. When Gemma sees this woman on the street she picks up a skate board and absolutely plows her with it across the face. Horrible sceen maybe, but still makes me smile to think about it. My husband actually bought me a T-Shirt that says "What Would Gemma Do?". Very funny, and I love it. I am nothing like that and actually behaved in a way that was not vengeful at all. But boy did I imagine good revenge! It has been almost 7 months since I found out and 7 months with no contact. We are working very hard to recover. Life is getting better every day. I have a lot of happy times and a lot less sad times. Writing this has made me smile. And helped me see how far I have come. We leave for Jamaica on the 21st and are renewing our vows . Edited June 8, 2012 by Sadwife37 iPhone spell correct mistakes 2
Author frozensprouts Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 It has been almost 7 months since I found out and 7 months with no contact. We are working very hard to recover. Life is getting better every day. I have a lot of happy times and a lot less sad times. Writing this has made me smile. And helped me see how far I have come. We leave for Jamaica on the 21st and are renewing our vows . that's wonderful.... your post really speaks to one of the reasons i started this thread... when you first find out about your spouse's infidelity, it an seem like things are terrible and they can never get any better for you. It can seem like you'll never be happy again... It takes time, but whether you choose reconciliation or to go your separate ways, things can and do get better, and you can and will smile again, you'll even feel joy again, and that really is a wonderful thing.
SomedayDig Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I guess because we are working on our marriage, I didn't have fantasies of revenge geared toward my wife. I did have some pretty violent crap in my head about what I would do to the xOM...heck, I sometimes still do. I wouldn't want to write them though as they aren't fit for a public place. My heavy bag in the garage is a good outlet for my anger. As is the gym. I lost over 20 pounds on the A Diet, but I have begun to eat a little better and take advantage of the weight loss. I was 30 pounds overweight to begin with. (by the way Sadwife...I'm a big Gemma fan and that scene was great!)
YellowShark Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Revenge fantasies? None at all. What those two did - (caught EX with good married friend in-the-act) - was enough negative energy to last me a lifetime. I had zero revenge fantasies.. and shall not waste another thought on those two individuals. My revenge.. I guess.. is simply forgetting them. And it feels great!
evansdale Posted June 10, 2012 Posted June 10, 2012 For me it was not about revenge but principal. My ex had a one night stand with a gentleman who worked for me. She was also my public relations manager for my firm. When I found out, from my partner of all people I was hurt to say the least. I called his wife, who already had an idea because it wasn't the first time according to her to meet me at a development strategy meeting on a Friday. Before the meeting my partner fired the gentlemen in question for misrepresenting blue print ADS #'s for the city contract and I fired my ex wife for sleeping with him. Yes, in front of nine other people. As you could have imagined they were both a little upset but at least i had maintenance help to clean her office out and his cubical as well. Not sure what ever happened to him but my ex lives in an apartment now and works for wall greens in human resources. Both had the audacity to take us to court for wrongful dismissal but the case was thrown out, Luckily for us. Our daughter now works for us in her mothers position and she is doing great. She chose to stay with me which was the best thing to happen to me after the dust settled. I am still single but have chosen to fix myself and my problems that probably contributed to the demise in my marriage. No regrets for me, business is good and my daughter is talking to her mother again which is great. I have no ill will toward my ex and she knows I do not hate her at all. She tells me I should have been more professional about it and in hindsight I agree. If i could have done it over, we still would have canned them both but in a more discreet manner. People still talk about it. It was only 3 years ago but i was only 34 so hopefully I have grown up since then.
Radagast Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 infidelity can be so very hurtful, and there are times when it feels like the worst thing you can ever go through... I remember very much feeling that way.... i also remember having some pretty vivid "revenge fantasies" , that, looking back, seem pretty funny today...I would have never acted on them, and they were often totally irrational, but they did , in a way, help me through a really rough time. I think it says a lot for the idea that one can feel good again that I can laugh about them now, if only to myself. Has anyone else felt that way? Did/do you have any "revenge fantasies" or even just something amusing to share? As I worked through counselling I began to surface enormous amounts of anger at my now-ex-wife and her behaviour during the divorce spurred this on. Most of my fantasies involved her simply vanishing without a trace, never to be seen or heard from again, but occasionally I would fantasise about something more elaborate, such as forwarding all her abusive emails (sent from her new work email address, thus bound by their organisation's policy on appropriate use) to their sysadmin asking if that was the image the organisation wanted to portray; or sending a congratulatory card with the envelope addressed to her new job title at her new organisation but the card itself addressed to the woman who was their first choice candidate (who had turned the job down because the salary offered was too low as did another candidate so it then went to my ex-wife who was third on the list) who my ex-wife hates; or moving abroad with the kids to get away from all her nonsense. My sister's fantasies were more brutal, she wanted to alert the boys' school across the road from the house my ex-wife bought that my ex-wife had a history of seducing schoolboys (I guess one is still a history, technically) and also to warn the parents of our kids' friends about that.
silktricks Posted June 11, 2012 Posted June 11, 2012 I had revenge fantasies - and like the others who posted, it was the spray paint and "outing" her as someone who had no boundaries where married men were concerned. But my biggest fantasy of the time was nothing to do with her or him. It was all about me. I told my husband that if I disappeared one day he could find me on an island in the Carribean - he'd just have to figure out which one.
sunflower5 Posted June 13, 2012 Posted June 13, 2012 (edited) I wanted to rent a giant billboard on the side of a busy hwy near where OW works with her picture on it saying what a back stabbing homewrecking you know what she is. Good thing I did not have the money to do or I would have. I also wanted to sue her for all the emotional distress she caused me and my children. Good thing I am not rich or things would have gotten bad. Edited June 13, 2012 by sunflower5 1
seeker2010 Posted June 16, 2012 Posted June 16, 2012 I had a lot of revenge fantasies--some of them outright "punch you in the head" kind, and some very elaborate. One of the more elaborate ones was that I would find out that he was messing around again (sometimes with the same OW but sometimes with someone else), but I wouldn't let on that I knew. Then I'd get everything ready. Then I'd 'reluctantly' agree that he could vacation (aka visit her) without me. Ideally, this would be for at least two weeks or so. Then I'd empty all the bank accounts (we have 'anyone to sign') and then I'd cancel his credit cards (okay, fine, I know I can't do that, but this is my fantasy, right?) and cancel his return flight. Then I'd fly to the location/address, and go to her house/the rendezvous location with a private detective (to make sure nothing happens, and film everything), and I'd hand him the already-processed separation papers in front of witnesses. Then I'd leave, enjoying the happiness that comes with having him caught on film, and stranded in a city far away from home... no, wait, I forgot to mention I would have listed the house at such a bargain price that it would have sold within days. I would have signed all the closing papers already. I would have moved out of it before I flew off to confront him. And *then*!!!!!!!! I'd post every single bit of it, plus all the back story, on his FB page, which I would have changed the password on, so that every one in his friends and family could read about what a dip**it he is before he could get a new password and remove it all. And then I'd move away and not tell him where I went. That would probably be a good idea. I think that planning these elaborate fantasies helped with working through how angry I was, as well as allowed me to try to focus/turn my mind away from other, equally obsessive, but more painful and distressing thoughts. However, these days, I don't have fantasies. What I have now are plans. I will never, ever find myself ever again in a situation where I can't just stand up and walk out the door, because he will never get two chances.
GLDheart Posted June 24, 2012 Posted June 24, 2012 I'd post every single bit of it, plus all the back story, on his FB page, which I would have changed the password on, so that every one in his friends and family could read about what a dip**it he is before he could get a new password and remove it all.. I was SO close to doing the FB thing myself.... I have some pretty good content too. I just hate smearing my daughter's mother. Don't get me wrong. I could smear my EX. But somehow she gets a pass because harm to her means harm to my child.
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