Jose11 Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Hi, well this is the first time I'm posting here, first time in any type of post. But I guess I just want to get unbiased opinions on my situation.* My girlfriend, ex?, of 8 1/2 years told me she was unhappy about a month ago. She said she still loved me but didn't love herself. She regretted making me the center of her world. She basically gave up her friends and cut back on hanging with her family to be with me. I never told her to and never gave her the impression she had to, and she agreed. She made those choices and doesn't blame me but only herself. At that time I kind of lost it and did the crying n pleading that I don't want to break but she said she had to cause she needed to think. And she just needed a couple of days. And left. We never really decided what we were going to do so I gave her about two weeks n she never called me or anything. So I called her and ask to meet cause I wanted to know what was going on with us.* We met and talked about how we wish we could back to being our happy selves, but she needed to think. I agreed she should take some time and think. I didn't want he to be with me because she felt like she had to or because she felt like she needed to, but because she wanted to. I aslo told her it was unfair to me to just sit around and wait for her, which she agreed was unfair. She said she sees two roads in front of her, one with me and the house and kids, and another that im not in and she doesnt want to make a decision shell regret. I told her either one you decide with youll always have regrets about the one not taken. Its the one you decided on that should *be the least regretful. So we agreed to meet again in 2-3 weeks and that she would call me. We we went to say our good byes, I hugged her n we were in the close position and we kissed. It was a force of habit that it happened. I just went in for a cheek kiss but she moved n I just started kissing her. Before we left she just asked me a favor. If I could kiss her one more time. I did and she started crying afterwards n said I'll call you.* It's been hell on me since. I've lost like 10 pounds, I can barely sleep more than 5 hours a night, I think about he all the time. She hasnt at all tried to contact me since then. I've actually texted her twice since then just cause I miss her. But both times she seemed like she didn't want to text me back, just giving me one or two word responses. She said there isn't anyone else, and amazingly I believe her. I saw her at the movies a few days ago with her sister and she looked normal, like this hasnt affected her in the least bit. Even worst was that she acted like she really didn't know me. That's what hurt me the most. *I love this girl more than anything. I was planning on proposing later this year. But now I'm lost. I've been planning this for the last 2 years saving money for a wedding and for us to buy a house. We always talked about marriage, had our kids names picked out, how we would spend holidays with each others families.* My question is will she come back? Or am I just holding out hope for nothing? All my friends were saying just give her time, but now even they say that they don't want to give me false hope and that I should prepare for the worst. That I should know I shouldn't be someones option, I should be their priority.* Anyone been in my position that has words of wisdom I would greatly appreciate.
Philosoraptor Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Sadly this is the issue with making someone your entire world... you lose yourself and it's hard to get back. She may come back, but for now just try to take better care of yourself. Know that if she does come back this has to be a new relationship. No falling back into the old mold as that one failed. Spending a little time apart is a good thing and it allows for healthy self growth. I hope for your sake that she is taking the mature route and fostering her own growth rather than getting out and dating.
noodlecheese Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Hi Jose11, I hate to inform you, but from what I have read, it sounds like her mind is already made up and that it has been for quite some time. Clearly you are in love with her, and she knows this. She is aware. And every time you reach out to her, you're making yourself more vulnerable and allowing her to walk all over you and give her all of the control. It sounds like she has fallen out of love with you, but hasn't the guts to actually tell you this. It sounds like she has made an excuse about "not loving herself" just so you can sympathies with her and ease her guilt. What really stands out is the fact that when you saw her at the movies, she ignored you and acted like a stranger - you don't do that if you love someone, and you clearly felt upset about that. I'm sorry but I would recommend that you prepare yourself for the end, because it doesn't sound like this will have a happy ever after. However, this is my opinion, and I sincerely hope it is wrong. But you have to ask yourself why would you remain with someone who has proven to be quite heartless and cowardly towards you in the last couple weeks. Don't you deserve to be happy just as much as she does? You need to think about yourself. You are the one who is important here, not her. This is your life, and she has no control over it - so stop allowing her to govern your life. Good luck.
Author Jose11 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 Thank you both for your repsonses. Philosoraptor - Thank you for that thought. I hope that is what is going on. I have been focusing on myself since. I have been hanging out with friends more often. Some that I haven't seen in a long time. I also started going to the gym again, and am trying to pack back on the 10 pounds of weight I lost. But I guess seeing her at the movies acting like nothing ever happend kind of dragged me down again. I appreciate your words of wisdom. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. noodlecheese - I actually have thought the same. The fact that she started crying when I kissed her that last time made me think she was trying to love me again and was thinking the kiss would bring back the feelings, but perhaps she started crying because she felt terrible that she felt nothing. The last time I texted her she said to please give her the time she asked for becuase she feels pressured. What got to me is that she never said she loved me, but just that. I think is getting pressure from her family. They know me and love me, and they also know all of my family. I think her mom wants us to get back together becuase of the "What will people think" mentality. All of her family and mine know we have been together for this long. The other big thing that makes me think your right is that the month before we talked about the break I could tell she was distanting herself from me. She just seemed uninterested in everything. I kind of felt something big like this was coming and I started distantcing myself to brace myself, but I was just hoping it was just a rut. And even with all the preparing it just a shock still. My problem is I am just a hopeless romantic. I always thought it would be me and her against the world. But now I feel lost. Even now, logically I know what is going to happen and what will probably happen. But I still have a glimmer of hope of the Love Conquers all mentality. I guess I just have to realize Love can't conquer if there is none on her side. Thanks you both though.
Chi townD Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I think what might have hurt you is that she was waiting 8.5 years for you to take things to a higher level. Yeah, sure you'll tell me that you two talked about it all the time! But, in a woman's heart, talk is cheap. She was waiting for that commitment to be sealed with a ring that never came. The reason that I think this is because she stated that she lost track of her friends being with you and I think she started to resent you because you kept her waiting for so long while her partying years with her friends passed her by. So, she decided that the relationship wasn't going any farther and she checked out of the relationship awhile back and without you knowing. That's why she acted "normal" and not bothered when you saw her. She has already mourned the loss of the relationship. And here's the hard part. Once a woman makes up her mind, it's hard to change it. Because, then they would have to admit that they were wrong, and women are very stubborn creatures.
Author Jose11 Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 Chi townD - Yeah I think that's what happened with her. I think she checked out of the relationship months ago. She was just trying to stay in it to see if her feelings changed, but at the same time mourning it. It sucks cause I really thought she would have shown something. I thought she was a good hearted person, and people agree with me that she would never treat people and me especially badly. But my sister said it best. You don't know how a person will act in a situation that they have never been in. This is as new to me as to her. We were each other's first long term relationship.
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