pteromom Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Is somebody who has had little to no sex sexually imature? In some ways, but not necessarily in important ways. If you go into sex with the attitude that you want to learn what turns your lover on, and you are comfortable with your body and learning what you like, you are already ahead of a lot of others. Where it causes problems is when someone goes into it worried more about their performance or how they look/act during sex than just letting go and enjoying it.
OliveOyl Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 The other was a puzzle, very passionate with each other generally, but when we got in bed, things just fizzled. Performance was fine, but neither one of us was fully engaged in the sex. To be honest it felt kind of like what one would imagine screwing a close relative would be like, though we were very genetically dissimilar on the surface. Could have been pheromones or some other unknown thing. ^ Yep. There is another part of sexual compatibility besides having similar libidos and preferences. And it is this, what dasein has mentioned. Even though my ex-husband was good-looking, and technically "good" in bed, there was just something missing and the sex lacked passion: it always did, from the very beginning, but I just didn't think it was big deal at the time, since I was focused on other things in the relationship (we had a lot in common, my bio clock was ticking, I wanted to settle down, etc.) The trouble was that over time in the marriage I lost interest in having sex with him at all, and it felt weird, and I just thought it was ME, that I had "no drive" but that turned out not to be the case at all -- it was actually a lack of sexual compatibility. How I know this is because in my current relationship my BF and I do have very good compatibility and sex felt very different from the very beginning even though technically my BF wasn't doing much different than my ex-husband. I really believe there is something like "pheremones" or differences in "sexual energy" that must make the difference. Which is why I would never wait a long period of time to have sex with a partner. If it turns out there is no sexual chemistry, which is more than just what you like to do and how often, then there's a chance you'll lose interest in having sex altogether over time. Sex is such a important glue in the relationship, without it, the relationship will be much more likely to fall apart when the going gets tough.
thatone Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 and yes i have left a girl due to lack of sex. that i suspect is pretty common amongst men. she grew up in a religious family and had the tyical religious hangups about sex in general, and flatly refused to see any ideas about sex but her own, that came from the church. she made it a chore, and seemed as if she squared away the whole religious guilt about sex by refusing to enjoy it herself. In some ways, but not necessarily in important ways. If you go into sex with the attitude that you want to learn what turns your lover on, and you are comfortable with your body and learning what you like, you are already ahead of a lot of others. Where it causes problems is when someone goes into it worried more about their performance or how they look/act during sex than just letting go and enjoying it. i agree completely. it's just like anything else, everyone has different ideas and preferences. some people 'get along' better for lack of another word in bed than others. to be honest i have had better sex than i have with the gf i currently have, not really due to anything other than different preferences for positions and such. but we get along in so many other ways that we find ways to make it work, because we're open and honest about what we like and don't like. and considering the OP i would add that for my situation to be the case both people have to be experienced enough to KNOW what they want. if we weren't, and both had preconceived guilt about sex in general, we would spiral down to breaking up with neither of us knowing what to do.
FryFish Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I have... This girl was perfect for me in every way... except she didnt believe in sex before marriage and I didnt believe in marriage before sex...
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