matt1022 Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Hi, So back in 2007 when I was 17 I met a girl who was 16 and we hit it off right away. Of course in high school I was a jerk and i was always flirty with other girls and trying to be the cool guy and left her on the side. We obviously had our problems with this and we worked things out after awhile and we got back together after a couple weeks (you know how high school relationships are) but things changed by senior year I lost my virginity to her and her to me we spent a lot of time understanding each other and getting to better our selves growing up and doing so with each other. We become one with each others family and it naturally became Matt and Dana and we were happy. Our sex life was healthy but our friendship life was not. We truthfully only had each other and it was something we kinda got used to. We went to college together and handled problems like mature adults by 19 and 20. We obviously had some little things that annoyed us about each other she always had to be right and so did I and she hated my anger and I was a very bitter person. At one point she started a new job and I was working all the time as a manager in a company very early in life and working 40 plus hours while going to school full time and trying to dedicate time to her. At one point another guy came along and really trashed me and because I wasn't around as much and not into the relationship because of my job she went and we broke up in a very nasty break up in 2010. She had sex with him I became devastated I was irate and acted like a 4 year old throwing a temper tantrum to sum it up. I called her whole family and all her friends in a frenzy. Unforunetly her father had a heart attack and and the only one there for her was me as the guy she left me for was just looking for sex. We were kind of forced to get back together as we were always taking care of her dad and I was watching the house and helping while he was in the hospital. After a year of being together again she kept questioning "how do I know matt is the one when he has been my only boyfriend" and " How could he be the one if i left him for someone else" We worked things out until these past couple months. I lost my job and at the age of 21 I wanted to act like a kid since I never got to. I became very immature and blew her off when she tried to explain things to me. I would laugh at problems and had no confidence in my self at all so I acted like I was 5. It wasn't what she wanted. Three times she told me she isn't happy and I kinda of just blew it off as it was was phase. Until she left me on friday. At first I was devastated but did not act like I did last time I understood what she was saying how she doesn't know If I'm the one and she's not happy right now and her feelings are not what they used to be at all if they are still even there. We stopped talking (in my hopes that shell see what she's missing) and i took the time to think about things and realize subtly I wasn't happy I wanted to find my self see what it was like to party and to be out alone and she sorta said the same thing. I love her very very very much and she is my best friend but we lost a lot of things we once had. Right now deep down I feel like every couple goes through a period( especially ones that got together so young) where they need to find them selves and see what its like to be alone and know if they can make it alone. Inside I feel like were going to be ok in the end and that after some time alone well find it all out and be a better couple but no one agrees they think I'm just saying that because we been together so long but this feels so much different then last breakups this has been calmer and more understanding and almost mutual (though with me missing her) I have no clue what to think or handle she's not like any girl anyones met and I know inside were meant to be...am I wrong to feel that way? Do you think we have a chance if we have some time alone? Everyone is saying I only feel this way cause I don't wanna let go but I feel that if you know your supposed to be with that person inside you will know it HELLPPPPP?!?!?!?!?!?
alexandria35 Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Hi Matt, I don't know if you and your exgf will end up together but I do think you are wise to take a break from the relationship and spend some time being young and doing what you want to do. It sounds like there was growing resentments on both sides and that would have destroyed the relationship at some point anyways. Either you two will spend a couple of years apart and then come back together, as two stronger and healthier indviduals or you will both move on with your lives onto new things and new relationships and never get back together. Right now the thought of never getting back together probably hurts and scares you but you needn't fear that right now. Just live your life, have your experiences and let whatever is going to happen, happen. Your experience reminds me of my son. He too had a very serious relationship when he was very young. He was just sixteen and he was very much in love with his gf. They spent several years just doing and being everywhere together. But they both started to long for other things and the resentment between them grew and their fights became frequent and exhausting. They decided to part for a while but they ended up going their seperate ways. My son spent a few years living for himself. He travelled, played sports, partied with his friends and dated occassionally. His ex gf immediately got herself immersed into another full time relationship and now she's getting married. I think she made a mistake in just latching onto another full time guy. I think she should have lived it up like my son did and served herself, but who am I to judge? I hope she is happy. My son now has a new love himself and he is very happy too. If at the time of the break up anyone had told either of them that this was for good and they were never going to get back together, they both would have been very hurt and may have even tried to hold on to the relationship, which would have been a mistake. Instead they just let each other go and live and by the time it was obvious that their relationship was never going to be reconcilled they were ready to accept that. So the point of that whole long story was just say whatever will be will be. I'm not saying you will end up with your ex or that you won't. Just let life happen.
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