xxheartbrokenxx Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 me and my ex dated 3 years (were each others firsts) and we both really loved each other. we fell apart and he dumped me 6months ago and I have been having a really rough time with it. I still love him. A few weeks ago he dumped the new girl and then contacted me and asked if i was dating anyone and wanted to meet up (which he backed out of). Well, today is his birthday. I have tried contacting him 3 times over the past 3 weeks and he hasn't responded besides a text wishing me well about my surgery. I want to wish him a happy birthday, but not sure if i should. I still love him, and am hoping that we will once get back after some time apart. His cousin told me that they recently talked about me and that he wished we had worked out and that he really liked me, but isnt sure if he can trust me. I do still have faith in us reconnecting, but i just dont want to seem desperate since I have been the one trying to reestablish some type of relationship. If i want to reconnect say a few months down the road should I wish happy birthday? I just dont want him to think that I forgot it and it could lead him to think that I never really cared.
wilsonx Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 This wont make much sense to 99% of the people on the forum but if you want to reconnect... become Casper (a ghost) Make him miss you, disappear completely, from him, all his friends etc. Make him have to contact you directly. It doesnt guarantee that he will come back but it serves 2 purposes... He will miss you and be curious as to what you are up to. It helps you move forward from this and continuing to heal
Philosoraptor Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I wouldn't send anything. And I agree that if you want another shot the one who ended the relationship needs to be the one to step up and make it happen. Just take care of yourself for now, try not to get your hopes up, and let life take its course.
Author xxheartbrokenxx Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 well, i did it. just left a quick voicemail saying "calling you to wish u a happy birthday, happy birthday". Really wish he would have answered but oh well. Guess it's now truly time to move on. Lets see if he wishes me happy bday on mine in 2 weeks... :/ :/
hayley1357 Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 im from the uk and it is currrently quarter past midnight and i know i will spend the whole day thinking about wether to wish my ex happy birthday. Allready down about the fact im not even with him on this day. I feel the same, i do want to reconnect and i feel as if it is worth it. Ever since the break up, I have been in the frame of mind that its worth waiting for. If it doesnt work out, atleast i know i tried (although probably when i give up is when he will want to return - that part scares me the most) I think you did the right thing wishing him happy birthday, but maybe im saying that because i havent come out of the breakup ordeal myself. only time will tell
Author xxheartbrokenxx Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 I think you did the right thing wishing him happy birthday, but maybe im saying that because i havent come out of the breakup ordeal myself. only time will tell thanks. I never got a response back from him, and he ignored my call. I dont understand if he is playing games, is unsure of himself and whether to trust me again, or just doesnt want to get involved with me. But either way we have to find a way to move on. :/ I sorta wish I didnt call my ex to wish him happy bday, but at the same time if I hadn't I think i would have been more upset with thinking "what if" I had.
hayley1357 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 thanks. I never got a response back from him, and he ignored my call. I dont understand if he is playing games, is unsure of himself and whether to trust me again, or just doesnt want to get involved with me. But either way we have to find a way to move on. :/ I sorta wish I didnt call my ex to wish him happy bday, but at the same time if I hadn't I think i would have been more upset with thinking "what if" I had. I think you did the right thing, at least you will be able to look back at this whole situation and know you did atleast give it a try. Your ex and mine sound similar, I dont think they have a clue themselves whats going on in their head. They have to do what they have to do, wether it be ignoring us or maybe even seeing other girls. If our relationships meant anything to them im sure in time they will want some sort of contact. Since the breakup my ex has been the first to contact me more or less everytime. He has said he feels guilty that I am not happy about it (why on earth would I be) and has expressed his feelings as he cant talk about them, through a song. Everytime i hear from him, he expresses a different feeling towards the breakup/getting back together. WEIRD! As for wishing him happy birthday, I stil havent figured out wether/or how i should go about it
Author xxheartbrokenxx Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 I think you did the right thing, at least you will be able to look back at this whole situation and know you did atleast give it a try. Your ex and mine sound similar, I dont think they have a clue themselves whats going on in their head. They have to do what they have to do, wether it be ignoring us or maybe even seeing other girls. If our relationships meant anything to them im sure in time they will want some sort of contact. Since the breakup my ex has been the first to contact me more or less everytime. He has said he feels guilty that I am not happy about it (why on earth would I be) and has expressed his feelings as he cant talk about them, through a song. Everytime i hear from him, he expresses a different feeling towards the breakup/getting back together. WEIRD! As for wishing him happy birthday, I stil havent figured out wether/or how i should go about it Thanks for your support. I think you are right though about our ex's not knowing what they want. What sucks is mine knows that I am hanging around waiting for him and he can do whatever he wants and knows I will be there waiting still. I asked him if he knew he was done with me, and instead he just ignores me. If he disliked me that much and wanted me out of his life completely wouldn't you think he would just come out and say it and let me move on with closure...
geegirl Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 If he disliked me that much and wanted me out of his life completely wouldn't you think he would just come out and say it and let me move on with closure... It has nothing to do with disliking you. It has everything to do with keeping you on the backburner for "if needed' reasons. Why are you waiting for someone to make choices for you? He's showing you that you are not a priority in his life yet you sit around and wait for him to release you. Release yourself and move on. Closure comes from realizing that he cannot give you what you want. Sitting around and waiting for someone to determine your fate is your choice. It's not his responsibility to decide what is best for you. It's yours. 1
Author xxheartbrokenxx Posted May 31, 2012 Author Posted May 31, 2012 It has nothing to do with disliking you. It has everything to do with keeping you on the backburner for "if needed' reasons. Why are you waiting for someone to make choices for you? He's showing you that you are not a priority in his life yet you sit around and wait for him to release you. Release yourself and move on. Closure comes from realizing that he cannot give you what you want. Sitting around and waiting for someone to determine your fate is your choice. It's not his responsibility to decide what is best for you. It's yours. Thank you I really needed this. What you said is so true. The only way I can be happy is when I say "enough is enough" and move on. It is just so hard after being together for so long and living together. Every college memory was with him. We were each others firsts. And when he gives little glimpses of hope I get a major setback and filled with hope again. We are both studying abroad for next semester so I am "hoping" that when we get back we may have a fresh clean slate. I think HOPE is the worst part about a breakup. Until we can let go of hope we stay stuck.
geegirl Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Thank you I really needed this. What you said is so true. The only way I can be happy is when I say "enough is enough" and move on. It is just so hard after being together for so long and living together. Every college memory was with him. We were each others firsts. And when he gives little glimpses of hope I get a major setback and filled with hope again. We are both studying abroad for next semester so I am "hoping" that when we get back we may have a fresh clean slate. I think HOPE is the worst part about a breakup. Until we can let go of hope we stay stuck. Yes, Heartbroken, you have to get to a stage where you decide you will not accept being treated like an option anymore. I know it is hard and we've all gone through it. I was once in a 6 year relationship that broke me to pieces, then a 7 year marriage that left me feeling lost. Life is such and you just have to keep moving on and move on, we all will. The pain is unbearable but I promise you that if you give yourself a chance, you will soon slap yourself silly wondering why you gave up so much of yourself for so little. Hope is sometimes not a good thing when trying to let go of what you know is not good for you. When you hope, also try to analyze the reality of what you are dealing with. Hope keeps you idealizing and romanticizing this man. In time you will create new experiences and new memories for yourself. It won't always be this way. But, in order to get there, you have to give yourself a fighting chance.
hayley1357 Posted May 31, 2012 Posted May 31, 2012 Thank you I really needed this. What you said is so true. The only way I can be happy is when I say "enough is enough" and move on. It is just so hard after being together for so long and living together. Every college memory was with him. We were each others firsts. And when he gives little glimpses of hope I get a major setback and filled with hope again. We are both studying abroad for next semester so I am "hoping" that when we get back we may have a fresh clean slate. I think HOPE is the worst part about a breakup. Until we can let go of hope we stay stuck. hope is the killer.i think im slowly starting to let go of hope, its happening gradually.In the end i wished my ex a happy birthday over twitter, then later did the STUPID thing of putting a car through his front door. His dad saw me and dropped me a text. An hour later my ex said thanks for the card it was nice . I wasnt even expecting that to be honest, but it didnt give me any hope for having a conversation or whatever. All my stuff is still at his and vice versa, weird, i said lets do the breakup swap and he was like meh another time, its been sitting around for 2 months now. Weird, I just belive if were over were over, dont hold on to anything, theres no need for us to still communicate. WHATS DONE IS DONE!
caligirl23 Posted June 2, 2012 Posted June 2, 2012 This wont make much sense to 99% of the people on the forum but if you want to reconnect... become Casper (a ghost) Make him miss you, disappear completely, from him, all his friends etc. Make him have to contact you directly. It doesnt guarantee that he will come back but it serves 2 purposes... He will miss you and be curious as to what you are up to. It helps you move forward from this and continuing to heal I give this advice to a lot of people. You are on the right track. this is genious!
babycrapgreen Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 wilsonx is right. And it works, but, just because he starts contacting you doesn't necessarily mean he wants you back. But, it's something. It happened to me.
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