moimeme Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Be truthful, now; how much devotion would you, ideally, like to have shown you? If you have to sign on as a guest for your answer because it's not going to be as PC as you'd like it to, please do so. I'd like the unvarnished truth. I had one fellow tell me he really wanted someone to be devoted to him. I've been complimented for devotion before, and I've actively tried to be a devoted person. I think people secretly want more devotion from their mates than they usually claim to, simply because we all know it's not supposed to be good for anyone to give too much or receive too much. So folks say they don't want it, when they really may. At least, so goes my theory Where is the line for you between someone being devoted as you'd like and that person giving over too much? Do you think with your heart that people give up too much for each other or do you think it because that's what we're told? What is the point at which it is great to know you are valued so much that you become someone's priority and where does that become cloying or confining? I think it would be helpful for people to see the range of answers - if there is one !
Pyrannaste Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Very nice thread moimeme!!! Be truthful, now; how much devotion would you, ideally, like to have shown you? Ideally, that would be the exact amont of devotion I show to that person I think people secretly want more devotion from their mates than they usually claim to, simply because we all know it's not supposed to be good for anyone to give too much or receive too much. So folks say they don't want it, when they really may. At least, so goes my theory I agree with you, but I think that you can tell it easily if someone expects a lot of devotion from his mates after a while you know them. There are things that are just too difficult to hide. You can just tell when someone is upset at you because he expected more devotion from you even if he/she claims not to be upset or blames it on something else. Where is the line for you between someone being devoted as you'd like and that person giving over too much? I can't really tell where the line is but I realize it has been crossed when I suddenly find that person annoying, boring and I start wishing he/she got a life. Do you think with your heart that people give up too much for each other or do you think it because that's what we're told? I actually never thought people give up too much for each other. To be horribly honest, I think the majority of people is not willing to give up enough for their friends/partners. What is the point at which it is great to know you are valued so much that you become someone's priority and where does that become cloying or confining? The point depens on my level of attachement to that person If I'm madly in love with someone, I'd be just happy to be his priority. It also depens on what the other person is expecting in return for his/her devotion. In the case of friends, to me it becomes confining when they start acting (or I start acting) like we were engaged!!!! (Parents and children don't count. Children being a priority is normal.)
sportsloving Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Be truthful, now; how much devotion would you, ideally, like to have shown you? I wouldn't want to be the only thing in someone's life, but I would certainly want to be the uppermost. So in respect to your question, I would want to be shown the same devotion to me as I would show to them. In a perfect world, it would mesh quite nicely and never be a problem for either What is the point at which it is great to know you are valued so much that you become someone's priority and where does that become cloying or confining? When you use the rest room and they follow to wipe after you, that is a bit too much devotion
dudesomewhere Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I had to look up cloying...cuz I didn't know what it meant I want someone to be as devoted to me as I am to them, which is basically completely. But in my heart, I really do believe that is a rare trait in the world...not special or unique, because on the whole, most people don't value it to call it special...so it's relegated to plainly, rare. The problem being is that many are also not totally consistent with their views...they forget that one ties with another in a logical one way flow. Hmm, will I be insinuating anything here? Only those familiar with their own posts and stances can say right? I devote myself completely to someone I believe I love. I believe I love because I have to contend with any lies...so leave the door open for false love. So when I do love someone, I am theirs completely and I wish for them to be for me...but only wish. I cannot ask of them to give all when they are only willing to give a fraction. True happiness comes from equal returns, else one person feels neglected...so that is the biggest challenge. To find that match in terms of giving. So with consistency, I wonder if there are any here who say they are devoted and to me for this case the devotion has to be 100% otherwise it doesn't really mean devotion does it? Can someone say they are devoted or have been, or want devotion if they have ever felt another partner being needy or clingy? When you love someone utterly or truely, which stems from experiencing them, can such views be seen from them? I think whenever someone feels uncomfortable with another's devotion it is because of some underlying deceit...whether that is cheating or simply not loving the other person is anyone's guess. Is there such a thing as TRYING to be a devoted person? I've never tried to be a devoted person...I've been devoted...trying? I don't think that's relevant to such a thing is it? To me it is like holding out your hand, and your hand is your devotion. As the equality part of it comes to play, you can only hold that hand out for so long. Someone needs to take hold of that hand or it becomes cold and neglected. So I've been devoted and thought of my devotion...wondering if it makes someone feel uncomfortable. But you always have to ask yourself if you are planting a tree of devotion that will bare fruit or are you simply planting a tree of devotion in desolate soil that will never bare anything. My belief in those that don't want any devotion or real devotion comes from people spreading themselves thin. Doing so to overcompensate for any emptiness they have inside...or the emptiness created by superficial ideas of the masses, more means better, seeking paper thin relationships en mass to line some flimsily constructed psychological barrier. It's like abusing yourself that it develops a callous, going around the block so many times you'll of course not want devotion. this is a little short I know , but it's not my day off and I'm sleepy so I cut it short
Thinkalot Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Ideally, you want equal amounts of devotion on both sides, so it all feels in balance. I am a devoted, loving person. I give a lot of love and care. I like to feel needed. I like to give. How much devotion do I want? In truth...LOTS AND LOTS. Probably too much. I'm always asking for more, when I already receive a lot of love and devotion from my fiance. I feel I am too needy and insecure, quite honestly. Like I should not need /want so much devotion. But the truth is, I do, and I'm not afraid to admit that on here. I do not like people who are doormats though. I like a person to have their own spirit, soul, life...so I can respect and admire them, for who they are,and also their strength. BUT, I think someone could give me a whole heap of devotion, and I would not find it too much. I would revel in it...in the love and attention.
Thinkalot Posted June 30, 2004 Posted June 30, 2004 When in a relationship, how much devotion do you like Merry?
Author moimeme Posted June 30, 2004 Author Posted June 30, 2004 Some is good. I was laughing this morning at everyone who said 'equal devotion'. Doesn't really leave me any farther ahead in terms of how much that might be As for me. Hm. Well, I certainly don't need someone to adore me or anything like that. Really, after the exceedingly tumultuous couple of relationships I had, I'd settle for someone easygoing and nice I'm most interested, I think, in honesty and loyalty. To me, those are essential components of devotion. Other than that, I really haven't any sort of measure at all. Fact is, I'm more concerned about balancing myself in terms of being devoted than about how much devotion I receive. I think that means it doesn't need to be equal for me. Not much of an answer but this one was one I didn't have an answer for me for to start off with and really still don't.
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