Ruby Slippers Posted June 7, 2012 Posted June 7, 2012 I've found that the key to finding better matches is just being patient and not settling at all. Do what feels right and what makes you happy and you will never let yourself down. Good advice. I'm finding that almost without exception, people reveal their character right away. The question is: are you going to accept that what they reveal is true, or wish and hope for the person to change into what you wish they would be? 1
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 8, 2012 Author Posted June 8, 2012 Good advice. I'm finding that almost without exception, people reveal their character right away. The question is: are you going to accept that what they reveal is true, or wish and hope for the person to change into what you wish they would be? Yep, very true. Without that patience many tend to over-romanticize things and avoid the issues just to be with someone. I went on some pretty bad dates as well where you knew right off the bat that it wasn't a good fit. I guess that's why they call dating a numbers game. Just curious - which dating site was it? OKC. You won't find me paying anything to meet people. I used it as a supplement to talk to people I wouldn't cross in my day to day activities. I have met a lot of nice people though out in the real world, just no great connections.
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Whatju talkin bout willis! You got guys poping up all the time these days interested in you, like just the other day some dude who knew from yrs ago tracked you down so he could talk to you again. Eh, its only a matter of time. Good on you PR, its going to be a memorable summer for you. Hey yeah, but it's always the wrong guys, the guys I would never date. That doesn't count
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Good advice. I'm finding that almost without exception, people reveal their character right away. The question is: are you going to accept that what they reveal is true, or wish and hope for the person to change into what you wish they would be? I found this also to be true. When I am more discerning and less emotional, I can zero in on my deal-breakers. I wanted my ex and me to work out so badly, that I rationalised away character traits that were obvious within the first few dates.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 (edited) Yep, very true. Without that patience many tend to over-romanticize things and avoid the issues just to be with someone. I went on some pretty bad dates as well where you knew right off the bat that it wasn't a good fit. I guess that's why they call dating a numbers game. Yep, me too. I considered and even dated a couple of wildly inappropriate guys when I was first getting back out there, because I still had some fears and a scarcity mentality. Now that I've gotten rid of that, I'm much more discerning, and I reject the poor matches immediately. And tonight, I have a date with a guy who has been totally straight-shooting from the beginning. He seems like a true "no games" kind of guy, which I love. He's been totally non-flaky and cool. No cynicism, no hinting about sex, or any other weirdness - just open, honest conversation so far. Wherever it goes, I'm happy that I'm meeting real quality guys again, guys with whom things could actually go somewhere. Edited June 8, 2012 by Ruby Slippers
wordrock Posted June 8, 2012 Posted June 8, 2012 Without that patience many tend to over-romanticize things and avoid the issues just to be with someone. I went on some pretty bad dates as well where you knew right off the bat that it wasn't a good fit. I guess that's why they call dating a numbers game. They call it a numbers game because of the statistical chance of meeting someone... but I think of it as more of a matching game.
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 (edited) Yep, me too. I considered and even dated a couple of wildly inappropriate guys when I was first getting back out there, because I still had some fears and a scarcity mentality. Now that I've gotten rid of that, I'm much more discerning, and I reject the poor matches immediately. And tonight, I have a date with a guy who has been totally straight-shooting from the beginning. He seems like a true "no games" kind of guy, which I love. He's been totally non-flaky and cool. No cynicism, no hinting about sex, or any other weirdness - just open, honest conversation so far. Wherever it goes, I'm happy that I'm meeting real quality guys again, guys with whom things could actually go somewhere. Hope all goes well on your date. But the weirdness is fun I'm full of strange little thoughts and actions. They call it a numbers game because of the statistical chance of meeting someone... but I think of it as more of a matching game. I think it's a bit of both. You need to continue to search for a good match and that usually means talking with and dating a bunch of people. Edited June 9, 2012 by Philosoraptor
SJC2008 Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 Sounds like it's true that men decide very early on if a woman is worth marrying. Women, listen and learn! Yes! I know there's no way I could marry the girl I went out with last week but I'm not looking to get married for another few years so if things progress I'd be ok dating her. She said she's not looking for kids or marriage right now and I told her I do want to get married eventually but not now, focused on school. Were going out again, a little strait talk pays off doesn't it?
wordrock Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I think it's a bit of both. You need to continue to search for a good match and that usually means talking with and dating a bunch of people. True, but it seems many people are too quick to discount someone based on the smallest bit of information... I'm often told by male friends that I give too many chances*... but I think of it this way: We are not always at our best. You can have a bad day, a bad week, or bad months even. There's a tendency among many to pass over someone at the slightest fault, even when the fault is situational, temporary, and superficial. I guess I'm saying it's better to be open and patient, rather than discerning. You might pass up someone wonderful. *Conversely I'm told by some female friends that I'm too picky. Not sure on that one.
Disenchantedly Yours Posted June 9, 2012 Posted June 9, 2012 I'm glad for your Philosoraptor. Here is to it working out!
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 9, 2012 Author Posted June 9, 2012 True, but it seems many people are too quick to discount someone based on the smallest bit of information... I'm often told by male friends that I give too many chances*... but I think of it this way: We are not always at our best. You can have a bad day, a bad week, or bad months even. There's a tendency among many to pass over someone at the slightest fault, even when the fault is situational, temporary, and superficial. I guess I'm saying it's better to be open and patient, rather than discerning. You might pass up someone wonderful. *Conversely I'm told by some female friends that I'm too picky. Not sure on that one. Sometimes we fall to the right person wrong time. Bad relationships often come out of the opposite, wrong person right time. Which is why patience is important. Tis just a part of life. I'm glad for your Philosoraptor. Here is to it working out! Thanks 1
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 This girl drives me absolutely crazy. My knees actually shake when we are saying our very long goodbyes. Guess that's what it means to go weak at the knees. Moved past the dating stage too. Neither of us were seeing anyone else anyways but we had the talk. Patience, wonderful patience. 5
Emilia Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 This girl drives me absolutely crazy. My knees actually shake when we are saying our very long goodbyes. Guess that's what it means to go weak at the knees. Love that stage. When I was younger I used to feel sick before dates with someone I really fancied. It's better now but still get butterflies with the right person
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 This girl drives me absolutely crazy. My knees actually shake when we are saying our very long goodbyes. Guess that's what it means to go weak at the knees. Moved past the dating stage too. Neither of us were seeing anyone else anyways but we had the talk. Patience, wonderful patience. Just remember to remain confident, and her elbows are probably shaking! with your powers combined you can do the chicken dance!
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Love that stage. When I was younger I used to feel sick before dates with someone I really fancied. It's better now but still get butterflies with the right person I too thought that these type of feelings were a thing of the past. But I guess the heart just knows when it knows. Just remember to remain confident, and her elbows are probably shaking! with your powers combined you can do the chicken dance! I'm sure we do look quite goofy together. We make quite the interesting pair. What I need to do is stop singing at work. la la la la :love::love:
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 OK I have to ask. Is she very hot physically? 1
ladyabstrused Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Somebody's on cloud nine It sounds sweet, happy for you! I shall keep patience too then. Think I've got a long way to go lol.
curlygirl40 Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 Very happy for you!! You're a great example of how a man will act when he's smitten, and how he will not leave the girl guessing, etc. Awesome to watch. Best of luck, keep the thread up to date.
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 OK I have to ask. Is she very hot physically? I'd certainly say she's beautiful. Such a pretty smile and so much said by her eyes alone. She is most definitely the type I've always been attracted to. Somebody's on cloud nine It sounds sweet, happy for you! I shall keep patience too then. Think I've got a long way to go lol. Either on cloud nine or going crazy with my thoughts. I give myself a nice smack and tell myself "patience". It works... sometimes 1
Emilia Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 I too thought that these type of feelings were a thing of the past. But I guess the heart just knows when it knows. Well I hope that feeling sick is a thing of the past Don't mind the butterflies though la la la la :love::love: haha
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Very happy for you!! You're a great example of how a man will act when he's smitten, and how he will not leave the girl guessing, etc. Awesome to watch. Best of luck, keep the thread up to date. So all men are absolutely insane when smitten? Awesome. It's quite the feeling. It's been this way pretty much nonstop for a month now. Well I hope that feeling sick is a thing of the past Don't mind the butterflies though haha Not quite sick but the nerves are a bit of everywhere. I've been nothing short of ridiculous to watch lately.
Emilia Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 So all men are absolutely insane when smitten? Awesome. Can be. Love it when they gulp and sigh
FitChick Posted June 25, 2012 Posted June 25, 2012 OK I have to ask. Is she very hot physically? And what if she wasn't? All that matters is that she is attractive TO HIM. Just another happy story about a couple meeting online.
Author Philosoraptor Posted June 25, 2012 Author Posted June 25, 2012 Can be. Love it when they gulp and sigh It's been quite an exciting ride. Not looking to get off either. And what if she wasn't? All that matters is that she is attractive TO HIM. Just another happy story about a couple meeting online. To each their own. But I really can't see anyone not seeing this girl as beautiful. She's such a wonderful person too. Disclaimer: I could be horribly biased right now 2
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