thatgothicchick Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Okay...so...I've known this guy for a few months now...he's everything that I want in a guy...and he's always very very flirty with me, and we just goof around and laugh and have fun and then we have deep, meaningful discussions about life and important things...this would be what I would call the perfect time for me to move in and see if he wants to take our relationship to the next step.... But he has a girlfriend already...I already feel ashamed of myself enough that I have thoughts of not wanting to respect the "he's taken" zone...this girl is nice, and we've spoken briefly a few times, and despite any of that, I don't ever want to hurt ANYBODY or be the cause of someone getting hurt... She already perceives me as a threat according to him, and he even confronted me (very kindly) about how I feel about him, to which I admitted that I am deeply attracted to him, but that my intentions are noble. And they are. Despite feeling "twitterpated" about him and feeling all these emotions, the last thing I want to do is be the cause of a breakup or someone's pain...but he's hinted at me that their relationship has been going through some rough times...and all relationships do at some point or another, but it's almost as if he's on the fence with her...he does genuinely act like he's interested in me too.... I just got done hanging out with him, and I feel like crap. I feel bummed that I am not with him anymore today, and I feel horrendously guilty for wanting him to myself when he's already somebody's....guilty for even thinking about them possibly breaking up... I know that SOME aspects of this are out of my control, but for the things that I CAN be in control of, how do I deal with this? What can I do so I don't unintentionally **** somebody's life up, including my own?
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 It really is this simple..If you don't want to be involved with him since he has a girlfriend already, just tell him that if they break up, to call you and possibly you'd go out on a date with him under the right circumstances. Until that time it's unfair to you and to his girlfriend to hang out with him and hope for a relationship. He is in the wrong to be giving you any kind of hope. Meaning, so what if they are having problems..They haven't broken up. He is getting an ego feed by knowing you want him. Selfishly, not malciously.. Detach and tell yourself he's not available, stop hanging out with him and go hang out with other friends, your family and keep busy. Don't rely on him to make yourself feel good..Cutting him off will help you get over him since he isn't available to take this to the next level. I hope this helps. 2
MissBee Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Okay...so...I've known this guy for a few months now...he's everything that I want in a guy...and he's always very very flirty with me, and we just goof around and laugh and have fun and then we have deep, meaningful discussions about life and important things...this would be what I would call the perfect time for me to move in and see if he wants to take our relationship to the next step.... But he has a girlfriend already...I already feel ashamed of myself enough that I have thoughts of not wanting to respect the "he's taken" zone...this girl is nice, and we've spoken briefly a few times, and despite any of that, I don't ever want to hurt ANYBODY or be the cause of someone getting hurt... She already perceives me as a threat according to him, and he even confronted me (very kindly) about how I feel about him, to which I admitted that I am deeply attracted to him, but that my intentions are noble. And they are. Despite feeling "twitterpated" about him and feeling all these emotions, the last thing I want to do is be the cause of a breakup or someone's pain...but he's hinted at me that their relationship has been going through some rough times...and all relationships do at some point or another, but it's almost as if he's on the fence with her...he does genuinely act like he's interested in me too.... I just got done hanging out with him, and I feel like crap. I feel bummed that I am not with him anymore today, and I feel horrendously guilty for wanting him to myself when he's already somebody's....guilty for even thinking about them possibly breaking up... I know that SOME aspects of this are out of my control, but for the things that I CAN be in control of, how do I deal with this? What can I do so I don't unintentionally **** somebody's life up, including my own? This guy may not be so noble. The fact that he is flirty with you, asked you how you feel about him and hints that his gf feels threatened by you and that they are having problems are all tricks of the trade by players He is baiting you and stroking your ego hon...he knows exactly how to play his cards so you'll start thinking that you're "better" than her and you'll probably consciously or subconsciously start vying for his time, attention and affections to show him that you're the one he should be with. I know you are likely thinking: oh his gf and his unhappiness with her are the problem...but chances are it's not and chances are, if you start dating him, at some point he will be flirting it up with some other cute girl in a few months/years, telling her how unhappy he is with you and about how you feel threatened by her Anyway, how can you control yourself and avoid effing up your life? You can start by disassociating yourself from him. Don't flirt with him and don't spend time chit chatting. Go on about your business. Keep conversations brief and polite and move along. That will give him the message that you're not interested. You can even tell him frankly that you feel that since he has a gf, your relationship is inappropriate so to protect yourself and respect his relationship you'd rather be friendly but not close, and he should call you up to hang out when he and his gf are done. 2
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Despite feeling "twitterpated" about him and feeling all these emotions, the last thing I want to do is be the cause of a breakup or someone's pain.. Is this true?
Author thatgothicchick Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 Despite feeling "twitterpated" about him and feeling all these emotions, the last thing I want to do is be the cause of a breakup or someone's pain.. Is this true? Would I be on here trying to seek advice on how to not mess things up if it were?
utterer of lies Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I know that SOME aspects of this are out of my control, but for the things that I CAN be in control of, how do I deal with this? What can I do so I don't unintentionally **** somebody's life up, including my own? If you really want him, get him. Who cares if he has a girlfriend right now - maybe she's not the right one, you are. Just make sure he breaks up with her before you sleep with him.
skywriter Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 thatgothichick, Your post reminded a bit of another poster. This was one of the replies I made to her. This may or may not give you something to consider. I hope it does. In his case it's a girlfriend rather than W. It all applies just the same. Here's what I can share with you for whatever it's worth. A MM (in this case) that has A's, will test the waters, by this I mean, he is seeing where the boundaries may be. He will start by flirting, then he'll introduce you to what might appear to be innocent touches. He will gradually take that touch and flirtation farther, into sexually charged conversations. He's grooming you for where he intends on going with you. He is suttle and well practiced in his game. The really sad part of all this, is often the W is conditioned to his flirtation, however she trust him. She may turn a blind eye, never believing that it is anymore than flirting. You, on the other hand, know how far he is capable of taking it, if he's offering himself up to you. Essentially, I am telling you, this is not his first and only, nor his last.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Would I be on here trying to seek advice on how to not mess things up if it were? If that is the last thing you want to do then don't do it. There are no buts.
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