paperboy48 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Why do we only remember the “good stuff”? When we are the ones who were dumped or (divorced in my case). Why is it we only remember the good times? Why don’t we think mostly of the times when they annoyed the hell out of us or when they we nagging us to death for no reason?
Philosoraptor Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 When we long for something we tend to skew reality in order to satisfy our desires. The same thing happens when you want things to end, you skew things and concentrate on the bad. 1
Mr Scorpio Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 And to build on what Philo said, try focusing on the negative. I do so with my ex, conjouring up the last day we spent together, and it helps. It doesnt make all of the pain go away of course, but it helps.
Philosoraptor Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I wouldn't say to concentrate on the negative, but try to look at the entire situation. It's much easier to avoid the ups and downs when you are able to take the good with the bad.
utterer of lies Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Why do we only remember the “good stuff”? When we are the ones who were dumped or (divorced in my case). Why is it we only remember the good times? Why don’t we think mostly of the times when they annoyed the hell out of us or when they we nagging us to death for no reason? It's a basic survival mechanism. Your mind protects you.
geegirl Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 We remember the good because during a break-up, not only is the heart doing all the feeling, it is also doing all the "thinking" and that translates to romanticizing and idealizing the situation or the person. It's emotionally charged. Your brain is what helps you rationalize and realize the realities of your situation but after a traumatic experience, it's going to take time for both heart and brain to sync. Everytime you remember the good, try to remember the bad as well. It's helps with healing as it slowly puts it all in perspective.
Sugarkane Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I also try and concentrate on the negative things about them. You know that's what they do to us. If I only concentrate on the positive that only makes me even more depressed and hopeless about the situation.
Renard99 Posted June 1, 2012 Posted June 1, 2012 I was told to put two columns on a piece of paper and in one, write all the positive things you think of your ex. Then, for every positive, you must write one negative so that both columns have an equal number of points. From that point on, everytime you have positive thoughts about your ex, look at the table and find the negative that's opposite the positive thought you're having. If it's a new positive thought, add it along with a new negative too. In no time at all the positives won't seem so good as you'll begin to associate the negative too! Worked for me!
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