ThinkIVElostIT Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I looked but didnt see any particual link to something I have a HUGE problem in with my LONG term, but am afraid I cant take anymore of what I term SELFISHNESS or Lack of Concern for Others, depending on which you prefer. My gf and I have broken up 3 times over 14 yrs. THIS subject always seems to be the end reason even though it leads to other subjects, but all in all I just dont think she ACTS like she cares about anyone but herself. She tells me IM all wet. Your opinion would be taken into consideration, with my thanks. Case in point, we live together (AGAIN) and she just will NOT allow us to bank together, regardless of how many years were together and says she never will. Her reasoning is she needs to be INDEPENDENT. For the last year I paid the rent and all the groceries. (Note..I also do ALL the cooking even when I was distraught over my father dying or if Im sick). This leaves her SON'S vehicle payment and her credit cards plus their insurance to pay. It also leaves ME without extra cash after support and entertaining my son. Repeatedly I would see her let her son do things costing HER money but I had no say so cause it was HER money. I tend to disagree. If I pay rent and groceries for ALL, then her "extra" money isnt necessarily hers to just blow, when the situation left me with nothing and needing a car badly before mine bites the dust. Another case in point. I had some extra doctor bills come up and told her I WOULDNT have money for groceries. For two weeks I had to try to find things in the frig to make for her son and I for dinner because SHE ate out after work with friends before her part time school. I mean we literally had cans of tuna, one pizza, some noodles, no bread, no pop, no milk after one week. I ended up borrowing money to buy us food from a friend. In this same time period I watched her write out checks for hundreds of dollars towards credit cards that she is paying off. Case three. Originally we had planned to live here till we could find a country home to move to. We were to save money and keep our eyes open. I happened into a GREAT deal that I could buy over time at great terms. I immediately was told that SHE was going to go to the bank and buy it outright. She didnt want me "IN CONTROL" of the house. This issue is about an argument we got into about the condition of where we now live. I ASKED her if she and her son could TRY to pick up THEIR clothes, THEIR dishes and generally put things away that THEY use when we move into the new house. Therefore Im a control freak??? Daily I pick up dirty clothes in the livingroom from them both, dishes, glasses, pop cans, empty ashtrays and end up doing the dishes. Recently Ive left the dishes and the grass go to see how long it will be before anyone offers to help. We literally run OUT of clean dishes and the grass grows to 8 inches or so till I cant stand it. If they go out to eat when Im at work (12 hr shifts) the thought of bringing ME home something never crosses their mind. Otherwise they will set on the couch watching tv till I come home to make dinner. I know her job takes a lot out of her and she has studies too, my main issue perhaps is not selfishness but what I would term poor priorities. In a recent discussion with her....I was flat out told ....SHE has two priorities..work and shool. F the house, dishes, laundry etc. Her son dont wanna come home? age 15, its none of my business...he's fine. At this time Im planning on moving into the country home without her. I havent told her yet because Im so confused and know for a FACT it will be a huge screaming, cussing, crying fit. I LOVE her but sometimes I wonder WHY! My own teenage son can hardly stand coming over. It drives him up the wall to see HER son do anything he wants without any chores whatsoever and also to see her sit on her butt while I pick up, make meals, do dishes, etc. And btw......sex is great.....really great but it's WHEN and WHAT she wants......every time, otherwise its IM NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THAT. You mean you want something other than what I do??????? omg! (sheeesh) *boy....after reading this back.......Im I an IDIOT......?* Please offer advice you would feel YOU would apply. Im confused enough as it is.
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Wow, what I would do if it were me in this situation?? Pack her bags, and set them by the curb..I seriously believe in trying in a relationship,through the good and the bad, as long as BOTH parties are trying..Doesn't sound like she is trying anything except to help herself..Doesn't even sound like she is too concerned about her own child and that sure as h*ll isnt someone I'd want around my child..I don't care how old they are... You sound like a decent guy and you arent asking anything out of the ordinary, so why not find someone who will treat you better and put forth the effort you are in a relationship? I think this lady is out for herself and thats pretty much it, sounds like you are wasting your time...Im sorry but thats my opinion..Why would you buy a house together but can't share bank accounts?? That is just crazy to me... Get your house, move in, move ON and enjoy life and love! Good Luck
Fritz Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Dear God man! She's just using you and/or apparently can't let go of past hurt so she is paranoid. Get out asap and ditch her. Great sex is not worth being miserable 99% of the time. You and your son deserve better. Unless only your name is on the lease and you have records of only you paying the rent then I'd kick her out but why bother. Just get your own place without her and move out. Don't tell her until its done and you're moving out your gear. One thing you might be careful of though is child support for her son. If you've been living together for a long time she could hit you up for that depending on state law I've heard. Doubt she'd get it but anything is possible.
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