refreshed Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Hi all, first time poster here! I really need some impartial advice. So here goes......... I was seeing this guy on and off for almost five years. We were never official, even though deep down I think this is what I wanted. Anyway despite the fact that we were not together I did many 'girlfriendy' (is that even a word lol) type things such as providing emotional, financial support and just generally always being there for him. My friends thought that I was absolutely crazy and were constantly telling me that the best thing would be to stop talking to him and let him be. But I loved him and was unable to let go although I knew that would be the healthiest thing for me to do. Anyway just over a year ago I received a phonecall from his girlfriend. Yes! his girfriend. This was a complete and utter shock for me as I never realised that relationships were his kind of thing. Silly I know. So his girlfriend is telling me that they have been together for over 2 years and that he treats her like a queen etc. I was totally devastated and heartbroken by this phonecall. I immediately recognised the best thing would be to cut him off completely, so I changed my numbers and deleted his number. During the past year he has knocked on my door many times but on every occasion I have stood firm and have ignored him, even though at times I have wanted to scream at him for what he has put me through. On the whole this past year has been a positive year for me. I remember at the start I really believed the pain would kill me but I realise it doesnt, it really hurts but you move on. I mean what other choice do you have. Anyway 4 weeks ago I came home to a note from him asking me to call him with his mobile number. This has been troubling me for a while. And then a few days ago I see his friend who tells me that the guy wants to talk to me. I am sitting here asking myself whether or not I should phone him? A part of me would like to finally hear what he has to say. But then another part of me thinks that maybe I am using this as an excuse to phone him. I don't know. Any advice?? Thanks for reading!
mephisto Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 NO WAY IN HELL !!!!! stay out of the phone and ignore him completely. he didnt respect you while being with the other woman. probably now got some issues and thus calling you. let him be for good and get yourself a non-cheater and decent guy. dont allow your feelings take over this situation. this is not revenge,this is just avoiding unnecessary problems. something i learnt the hard way : hand it over easily/for free and you will be treated as garbage. make them work for it. ignore him! Hi all, first time poster here! I really need some impartial advice. So here goes......... I was seeing this guy on and off for almost five years. We were never official, even though deep down I think this is what I wanted. Anyway despite the fact that we were not together I did many 'girlfriendy' (is that even a word lol) type things such as providing emotional, financial support and just generally always being there for him. My friends thought that I was absolutely crazy and were constantly telling me that the best thing would be to stop talking to him and let him be. But I loved him and was unable to let go although I knew that would be the healthiest thing for me to do. Anyway just over a year ago I received a phonecall from his girlfriend. Yes! his girfriend. This was a complete and utter shock for me as I never realised that relationships were his kind of thing. Silly I know. So his girlfriend is telling me that they have been together for over 2 years and that he treats her like a queen etc. I was totally devastated and heartbroken by this phonecall. I immediately recognised the best thing would be to cut him off completely, so I changed my numbers and deleted his number. During the past year he has knocked on my door many times but on every occasion I have stood firm and have ignored him, even though at times I have wanted to scream at him for what he has put me through. On the whole this past year has been a positive year for me. I remember at the start I really believed the pain would kill me but I realise it doesnt, it really hurts but you move on. I mean what other choice do you have. Anyway 4 weeks ago I came home to a note from him asking me to call him with his mobile number. This has been troubling me for a while. And then a few days ago I see his friend who tells me that the guy wants to talk to me. I am sitting here asking myself whether or not I should phone him? A part of me would like to finally hear what he has to say. But then another part of me thinks that maybe I am using this as an excuse to phone him. I don't know. Any advice?? Thanks for reading!
Derevko Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I agree with Mephisto's analysis, don't respond. Clearly the problem isn't that relationships aren't his kind of thing. Its that a relationship With You isn't his kind of thing. You can do better.
geegirl Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Five years and never official and you supported him in every way. At least you identify that your next relationships should be 100/100 rather than what you experienced with him. He was never the "relationship type" because he never wanted a relationship with you. Respect yourself and move on. There is no need to prioritize someone that treated you like an option. There is nothing that he can say now that should make you forget how he treated you.
Reddice Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Anyway 4 weeks ago I came home to a note from him asking me to call him with his mobile number. Burn the note! He's most likely going to tell you something which will break your heart again. Either she's pregnant, he's getting married or some other BS stuff which you definately do not want to hear.
Author refreshed Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 Thanks for the advice everyone. So true and very much appreciated. So will of course refrain from contacting him and have ripped the note into tiny little pieces. lol. thanks again :-)
Searchin81 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Call him! He may be wanting you back. Give yourself peace of mind, hear what he has to say. And if he wants you and you don't want him, take the compliment that he wants you back and leave him wanting more. But if u still want him and think he may realized your the one, talk to him. Sometimes we only realize things later down the line... Pick up the phone and do it.
wilsonx Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 So are you going to regret hearing what he has to say ... Don't worry he will reach out again
Reddice Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 (edited) Call him! He may be wanting you back. Give yourself peace of mind, hear what he has to say. And if he wants you and you don't want him, take the compliment that he wants you back and leave him wanting more. But if u still want him and think he may realized your the one, talk to him. Sometimes we only realize things later down the line... Pick up the phone and do it. You are so dead wrong on this one. There have been several instances where he could have let her know he still had feelings for her: 1. Standing by her door. Why did he not say anything about missing her, loving her and wanting her back? If someone really loves you, they will not let a door stop them from confessing their emotions to you. 2. The note. Why did he not write down the reason for wanting to speak to her? Why did he not put in a last effort to win her heart back? Where is the "I made the worst mistake of my life" (or something similar) line? Was there not enough space on the note for this??? 3. His friend. Why did he not tell her that her ex was a wreck without her? Why did he not tell her that he still had trouble thinking about her and that he was regretfull for what her did? Only a mere: "He want to talk to you"? I'll tell you why: Because he doesn't miss and/or love her in a romantic fashion. The fact that he is not even putting in the minimal effort to try to persuade her that he still has feelings (some people do this to just get sex) is because he might only want to announce something. My guess is that he wants to either let her know that he's becoming a father or that he's getting married. OP is not prepared for either of these two options. Edited May 30, 2012 by Reddice
Author refreshed Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 @Reddice you are so spot on with this. He doesn't have any romantic feelings towards me whatsoever. Throughout the entire time I spent with him this was always so blatently obviously. Actually one of the times he did get my attention at my door, he said 'its me, your mate.' lmao. That just says it all. I don't have the feelings there towards him anymore, but I do feel that this back and forth thing with him needs to come to an end. I am not pining for him and he is not pining for me. But he needs to stop coming to my house now and I am actually going to tell him this. About him wanting to speak to me to announce news. That does not bother me. He already has children with multiple women, so good luck to him. Trust me he will never ever get married. I know for a fact that there are other women on the scene anyway, so he has got alot on his plate! lol. poor thing. The reason why he is probably coming to my house is for money. LMAO. Nothing more, nothing less.
geegirl Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 @He already has children with multiple women, so good luck to him. Trust me he will never ever get married. I know for a fact that there are other women on the scene anyway, so he has got alot on his plate! lol. poor thing. The reason why he is probably coming to my house is for money. LMAO. Nothing more, nothing less. You dodged a bullet, Refreshed. I don't know who in their right mind would want be his girlfriend. Even if he does get married, he'll probably have a harem of women on standby as these types lack the concept of committment.
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