Silly_Girl Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I read this extract in a thread: "...involves monetary gain/assets from obtaining a new H." I have never (to my knowledge) seen anyone approach dating (to find a spouse) or marriage as a method of gaining assets or money. I know that there must be exceptions, those stories we hear of where he/she is a money-grabber etc. it must happen. But for those of you who've been married or plan to marry, were/are you hoping to gain assets or money?
denise_xo Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I'm sure it happens, but it's never been an objective for me. I've been the provider in my marriage and none of us had assets when we got together. My ex made much more money than I did, but I always made sure to pay my share and split costs as evenly as possible. 1
Radagast Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I read this extract in a thread: "...involves monetary gain/assets from obtaining a new H." I have never (to my knowledge) seen anyone approach dating (to find a spouse) or marriage as a method of gaining assets or money. I know that there must be exceptions, those stories we hear of where he/she is a money-grabber etc. it must happen. But for those of you who've been married or plan to marry, were/are you hoping to gain assets or money? I suspect with the clarity of hindsight that my ex-wife may have been one of these. She was married to a man of modest means and modest ambition. I had gotten good marks and was on my way to a good university with a generous grant, with plans for a good (well-paying) career. Throughout our marriage she nudged me toward options that paid better irrespective of my own ambitions, career satisfaction or interests and was constantly nagging me to take on more extra-mural projects to fund an increasingly expensive range of holidays, shopping sprees or other acquisitions. Her focus did not deviate during the divorce and I understand this to have been an issue in her sole post-divorce relationship too. In her case I would imagine it was related to her relatively deprived childhood and her equating love or acceptance with material things, but I cannot imagine what might motivate someone emotionally healthy to think in this way.
MissBee Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) I'm not married and would never marry just to obtain assets. But it is not unheard of that for some people, particularly women, in certain social situations, "marrying rich" is important to them. Usually the real life/people I know cases are because women (I haven't heard cases about men in my own realm of people I know) feel like they need to do this to improve their lot in life.I know a relative who did this: she had young kids and was an immigrant, so for her and that social situation, she didn't care to marry just for love, but met a man who was wealthy who wanted to marry her, and saw it as an opportunity to secure stable finances for herself and her kids. She was fond of the guy, but he was much older and she wasn't inlove with him and he knew this, but they married, he for her companionship and she to secure stability in terms of citizenship and financial comfort for herself and her kids. They were married until he died and she remarried someone else for love this time. I think one can choose to have love and money, where you only date people you believe will improve or add to your financial circumstances but you also love them. That is, you only date men who make a certain amount of money and are in a certain profession etc. It's not only for the money, you will love them too, but your entire dating pool and criteria ensures that only men with a certain amount of assets will make the cut, because you want a certain lifestyle monetarily and you believe through them you will get it. I have an associate who only dates professional athletes. Every single man she's dated has been a pro athlete and I imagine she will more than likely marry one, as she goes out of her way to make sure these are the kinds of men she meets. I'm sure she loved some of them, but it's undeniable that it's not only love, or she'd date any guy...but she feels a pro athlete will give her a particular socioeconomic status and lifestyle, which is important to her so sticks to them exclusively. I think there are many cases where a marriage is a means to an end financially, where love doesn't factor in, like with my relative. Then for some it is a means to an end financially, but they still factor love in, as with my associate. Edited May 29, 2012 by MissBee
january2011 Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 No, I'm not hoping to gain assets and/or money. However, I do want to gain a man whose financial goals and strategies are compatible and/or complementary with mine. I once read on another forum that the biggest financial decision you will ever make is who you're going to marry. I think there's some truth in that. 2
Els Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Not me, but I've definitely seen it happen. Usually the rich person being used for the money knows that he/she (usually he) is being used for it, but doesn't quite care because he sees it as a trade (it's usually a very much younger and hot girl, or she has important family connections, etc).
pink_sugar Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Married for love not for money. My husband has a savings that pays the rent while we attend college (we graduate next year) and since he's job hunting right now, I'm paying all the other bills aside from rent, so I consider it about 50/50. I would consider myself more financially motivated. I think wanting some financial security to the extent you won't ever have to worry about being homeless or starving is definitely understandable.
Author Silly_Girl Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 I once read on another forum that the biggest financial decision you will ever make is who you're going to marry. I think there's some truth in that. I called my wedding off and now the b*stard is taking me to the cleaners. Ggrrrr! But yes, attitudes to spending, house purchases, investments etc has a huge impact.
Author Silly_Girl Posted May 29, 2012 Author Posted May 29, 2012 how do you owe money to a man you didn't marry? UK system. It sucks.
irin Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 im a broke student, would be happy to sign a pre-nup without a second thought. love and money dont mix well in my head! 1
whichwayisup Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 UK system. It sucks. Are you serious?? They need to change that law asap!
Author Silly_Girl Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 Are you serious?? They need to change that law asap! I know!!! Honestly, I escaped a violent relationship and was told I'd walk away with more of what I'd put in if I'd married him.
Got it Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 I agree that similar views on finances, family, politics, etc are key for me as for a more well rounded and compatable couple. But no, I have not ever married for money. I prefer to be the one making more though am fine with equal and I am not happy making less. I also believe in prenups and think they are just good planning. Sorry there is love and then there is the rest of your life, one should be pragmatic and plan accordingly.
silktricks Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 Silly, I have not ever formed a relationship with money in mind. That said, monetary concerns can be a huge hurdle in a relationship, when people have different attitudes or goals. I think someone said that the two biggest reasons people fight is over money and children.... I do, however, know a woman personally who actively searched out only well-to-do men for relationships. I (personally) found it to be very sad. She never did find a man she wanted to spend her life with (who also wanted to spend his life with her), and is now alone with her cats. I am so sorry to hear that your relationship did not work out, but best to stay as far away from a violent situation as possible!!
beenburned Posted May 30, 2012 Posted May 30, 2012 single girl, I was the one who said that, and it was in relation to the OW/affairs.(was not about normal dating relationships/marriage) Molly had started a thread, and I responded personally about my STBXSIL's OW.(both of them) My STBXSIL has always been a big spender that likes to impress OW with what he buys for them. He has no money, bad credit, has maxed out all credit cards, and has filed for bankruptcy due to a history of not being able to manage money. During his LTAs he jointly purchased each OW a car and one a beach condo. (all unknown to wife until d-day) Both OW thought he could give them a better future financially than what they were then living!(all because of his fake image/lies) So they both did everything in their power to get him to divorce my D. Even to the point of my D having to issue a restraining order on them for the constant stalking! Once my D realized the horrible extent of his LTA's, lies, and stealing money from her, she immediately filed for divorce. This fall will be one whole year and the divorce is still not finalized due to him dragging it out. It is now having to go to court, and the whole town will now get to hear all the details from the OW getting called to the stand, and all the evidence being presented.(naked pictures, tapes, emails, and all) Sorry for my rant, but what he has put my D and her child through is enough to make anyone livid!
Author Silly_Girl Posted May 30, 2012 Author Posted May 30, 2012 BB, I was interested in general, as well as in regards to my ex-SO so I started a new topic per posting guidelines. I understand your rant, I'd be ranting too.
Recommended Posts