jen_r Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) Haven't posted here (about this relationship) in a long time. Because quite honestly I was over it. I am healed, I am happy it's over, I feel good, I don't think about being with him anymore etc... But wouldn't you know it - just when you move on they come crawling back. My ex has tried talking to me multiple times over the past 3 weeks to which I dismissed him each time and told him he needed to stop trying to talk to me. He contacted me again last thursday and said he really wanted to talk to me, so I told him "Talk...you have something to say, then say it. But I am not too interested in what you have to tell me." He says "You can say "i told you so" but I miss you/us." I say "sorry you it took you so long to realize what you had." And I stopped the conversation. He was persistent all weekend on wanting to meet with me and just "talk". So, reluctantly I met with him yesterday and talked with him over a drink. He said that he wanted to try to make things work again. This is after he's been dating ppl and god knows what. I haven't gone on a date or even entertained the idea. I don't think I want to get back with him, and you have no idea how crazy it is for me to say that because for 2 years I tried and tried and tried to make this work because he was all I wanted. Now that he wants me...it's like TOO TOO little too late. What I want to know is, have you ever gotten back with an ex after they treated you extremely poorly, told you to move on, slept with someone else (while on a break), and said they weren't in love with you anymore? Is it possible to forgive those things? I'm feeling like I cannot forgive, maybe because I dont want to?? Edited May 29, 2012 by jen_r Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 A girl I dated for a while, dated a guy after me for a couple months, they split apart, and she came back to me to talk about it since we were always friends. The guy she dated I feel quite honestly is a huge *********, but she needs to know this for herself, I can't explain it to her. He treated her like crap, they broke up, he wanted her back. I told her to first of all tell me all the special things he had done for her. She mentioned a few things he did, before they started having sex. I said name some things he did AFTER having sex. She pretty much drew a blank. So then I said to her, go meet with him to talk, and shoot these questions by him on the spot, with no warning: (1) Why do you think we broke up? (2) Why do you think it will be different this time? (3) What about me do you think is that special, that makes you want to be with me, vs say other girls you have dated? What is it about me? She did that, and he went blank on her. If the guy can't answer deep questions like that, after a long term relationship that he ended then wants back, I wouldn't trust him, or trust he even know wtf he wants out of life. I told her run from the guy. On a side note, she got back with him:rolleyes:. People do stoopid crap in relationships.... Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 He realizes how good he had it. Only by virtue of the breakup and things not panning out as well as they did (for him) with you. Honestly, no reason to entertain taking him back. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 (edited) I'd be able to forgive but I would never consider revisiting a once unhealthy relationship and partner. It would be too much of a risk and besides, if I'm well into being over it, it would be repulsive to ever consider going for a possible second round of ill-treatment or comtemplate allowing him into my life again. Haven't posted here (about this relationship) in a long time. Because quite honestly I was over it. I am healed, I am happy it's over, I feel good, I don't think about being with him anymore etc... But wouldn't you know it - just when you move on they come crawling back. My ex has tried talking to me multiple times over the past 3 weeks to which I dismissed him each time and told him he needed to stop trying to talk to me. He contacted me again last thursday and said he really wanted to talk to me, so I told him "Talk...you have something to say, then say it. But I am not too interested in what you have to tell me." He says "You can say "i told you so" but I miss you/us." I say "sorry you it took you so long to realize what you had." And I stopped the conversation. He was persistent all weekend on wanting to meet with me and just "talk". So, reluctantly I met with him yesterday and talked with him over a drink. He said that he wanted to try to make things work again. This is after he's been dating ppl and god knows what. I haven't gone on a date or even entertained the idea. I don't think I want to get back with him, and you have no idea how crazy it is for me to say that because for 2 years I tried and tried and tried to make this work because he was all I wanted. Now that he wants me...it's like TOO TOO little too late. What I want to know is, have you ever gotten back with an ex after they treated you extremely poorly, told you to move on, slept with someone else (while on a break), and said they weren't in love with you anymore? Is it possible to forgive those things? I'm feeling like I cannot forgive, maybe because I dont want to?? Edited May 29, 2012 by geegirl Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_r Posted May 29, 2012 Author Share Posted May 29, 2012 (1) Why do you think we broke up? (2) Why do you think it will be different this time? (3) What about me do you think is that special, that makes you want to be with me, vs say other girls you have dated? What is it about me? She did that, and he went blank on her. If the guy can't answer deep questions like that, after a long term relationship that he ended then wants back, I wouldn't trust him, or trust he even know wtf he wants out of life. I told her run from the guy. On a side note, she got back with him:rolleyes:. People do stoopid crap in relationships.... I did ask #2, and he didn't have anything substantial to say other than "I've grown up alot since then. I know I wronged you and I know I hurt you..." But I specifically asked "What makes someone suddenly STOP treating someone like *****?" He didn't have an answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Gulf-Delta Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Haven't posted here (about this relationship) in a long time. Because quite honestly I was over it. I am healed, I am happy it's over, I feel good, I don't think about being with him anymore etc... But wouldn't you know it - just when you move on they come crawling back. My ex has tried talking to me multiple times over the past 3 weeks to which I dismissed him each time and told him he needed to stop trying to talk to me. He contacted me again last thursday and said he really wanted to talk to me, so I told him "Talk...you have something to say, then say it. But I am not too interested in what you have to tell me." He says "You can say "i told you so" but I miss you/us." I say "sorry you it took you so long to realize what you had." And I stopped the conversation. He was persistent all weekend on wanting to meet with me and just "talk". So, reluctantly I met with him yesterday and talked with him over a drink. He said that he wanted to try to make things work again. This is after he's been dating ppl and god knows what. I haven't gone on a date or even entertained the idea. I don't think I want to get back with him, and you have no idea how crazy it is for me to say that because for 2 years I tried and tried and tried to make this work because he was all I wanted. Now that he wants me...it's like TOO TOO little too late. What I want to know is, have you ever gotten back with an ex after they treated you extremely poorly, told you to move on, slept with someone else (while on a break), and said they weren't in love with you anymore? Is it possible to forgive those things? I'm feeling like I cannot forgive, maybe because I dont want to?? I would give her a 2nd chance to be my best friend again, like she used to be. But a 2nd chance at love would be hard, and would take some convincing on my part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_r Posted May 29, 2012 Author Share Posted May 29, 2012 I'd be able to forgive but I would never consider revisiting a once unhealthy relationship and partner. It would be too much of a risk and besides, if I'm well into being over it, it would be repulsive to ever consider going for a possible second round of ill-treatment or comtemplate allowing him into my life again. I mean, seeing as I'm not running back into his arms - obviously shows that I am not too interested in being in a relationship with him. I'm just feeling confused, actually more angry that he didn't realize this before he screwed everything up. I guess I already know what I'm going to do. I just wanted to see if ppl in similar situations had forgave and forgot and had a long lasting realtionship afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I just wanted to see if ppl in similar situations had forgave and forgot and had a long lasting realtionship afterwards. There is a possibility that people have had similar situations but everyone's situation is different. Yours was riddled ill-treatment. That's a factor you have to take into consideration when contemplating if there could be a possibility of anything healthy and of substance a second time around. You can forgive and forget but that does not necessarily mean it is worthy of another chance. My ex-husband took 6 years to realize what he lost and for him to come back pleading. Some people's emotional and mental make is just not the same as yours and mine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jen_r Posted May 29, 2012 Author Share Posted May 29, 2012 My ex-husband took 6 years to realize what he lost and for him to come back pleading. Some people's emotional and mental make is just not the same as yours and mine. I dont know if this is prying, but did you take him back after the 6 years? Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I dont know if this is prying, but did you take him back after the 6 years? No, I didn't. By then the feelings were gone, I had mental clarity in identifying the damage that had been done during the marriage. The risk of things repeating itself was too high for me to even contemplate. I could never go back for the sake of my own emotional health and my need to seek better for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
fucpcg Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 I did ask #2, and he didn't have anything substantial to say other than "I've grown up alot since then. I know I wronged you and I know I hurt you..." But I specifically asked "What makes someone suddenly STOP treating someone like *****?" He didn't have an answer. People will hang themselves worse than you can do for them. I'd say he hung himself. If it was something more, something deeper that made him want to be with you, he'd have substantial answers to questions like those. If not, ask the question and stand back and watch them hang themselves. I'd say continue to move forward with your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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