K_Kat Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 Okay... here a big part of my marriage problem... Me 35 Him 53 Together 12 years, Married 5 years. Me active and fit Him NON ACTIVE and overweight In the beginning our sex life was great, we had fun, threesomes, spontanious etc... he has never given me oral sex and this was something i WAS okay with... but for the past three years it has completely changed... it has gone from 1x 3weeks to 1x6 weeks and the time keeps growing until our next time... It has been 3 xs in the past 2 months... I love sex, I am the man, my libido is high and I want to have sex all the time but he doesnt want to, he has lots of work pressures and cant physically because he is always tired... so i never ask him because he says no... When we have sex, he complains because i just want to "get off" and he wants to kiss and make love and take the time... but because my libido is high i want to go for it and not do all that mushy stuff.. Recently the past 1 year, i find it difficult to kiss him and get close, he doesnt turn me on anymore, so now i dont ask him for anything and simply masturbate every night... I guess what i am asking, needs and wants in your sex life changes and if your partner can´t fulfil want you want, Is that a big problem? As well, if I dont or cant see myself "making love" with him, is that a sign its over? sorry if i posted in wrong forum i am new
Radu Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 If he can't fulfill it, it is a problem. It's a very very bad sign. You posted in the right forum. Is this the first marriage for both of you ? How is divorce viewed in Spain [highly catholic country] ? Any kids ? Basically this is a huge dealbreaker for most ppl, you should stay without. I noticed you are in your mid 30's, am i right in assuming that once you hit 30 your sex drive skyrocketed ?
MissBee Posted May 29, 2012 Posted May 29, 2012 I think if you love the person and other factors are good, then sex can be worked on. They have sex therapists that even work with couples in this regard. The problem is if spouses are unconcerned about the other's needs/wants and simply want to decide they don't feel like it, regardless of how their spouse feels and that's that. You should try to talk to your husband about how you feel about wanting more sex. There is hardly a sensitive way to bring up his weight etc...but I'd try to plan more time to do active tasks together and be upfront that the sex area is a problem and you love him (you do right?) and don't want it to become a bigger issue....hopefully you guys find a way to compromise about this that satisfies you both. Pun intended
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