ImKirk Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 My wife is intrigued by this site and some interesting discussions take place in our house as a result of some of the topics and threads. My question to the people seeking relationship advice/comments is how often do you truly take what total complete strangers say to heart or is this just a place to attain validation for the answer that already echo in your heads? If you have taken the advice of folks on this site how successful/unsuccessful was the outcome?
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Welcome!! As for the advice given on this site, In my opinion, its usually very good advice..Maybe not always taken, but does make a person think about it.. My man cheated on me, I came here for advice because I didn't know what to do (long story, to make it short, he cheated, and then still wanted to be friends with the b**ch he cheated on me with)...I got VERY good advice here, used it, and things worked out....We are together still and things seem to be alot better and going in the right direction now!! This is a great site with alot of wonderful people!!Tell your wife, GOOD JOB, for havin ya come here!!
Author ImKirk Posted June 27, 2004 Author Posted June 27, 2004 for sharing that with me. I'm just wondering if I may ask, once your man cheated on you and then had the audacity to befriend the woman after being caught, what possessed you to stay with him and how did you get passed it?
HokeyReligions Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Welcome to LoveShack! Its a little of both. Some people take comfort from others; some people accept their own decisions simply by writing them out here and when they see it in writing it seems easier; others have already gone through something and find their way here in the hope of sharing their story and maybe someone else will see a correlation and perhaps not have to go through the same thing. Some of us see what others have gone through and are able to make a critical decision sooner, rather than later, in the process of their relationship. Some want technical information (and I HOPE that some of those who have been cautioned about safe-sex practices have taken it to heart and are now living a little safer). I came here from a similar board that had deteriorated into a political and narrow-minded community that didn't allow anyone to have their own opinion. I had initially found that board when I was having problems in my marriage and didn't have anyone to talk with--so I searched for an on-line "friend" just to have someone to communicate with. I hung around reading posts on LS long before I joined. I've been argued with and told off, but I've also been allowed to post my own opinion and beliefs without fear of retribution from the site founders! There are guidelines that most regulars have tested (myself included) but they are here for our safety and I respect and appreciate them. They allow me more freedoms then they do restrictions. The restrictions are really there to make sure we don't name-call or verbally abuse each other (sometimes difficult to do!) and to make sure that we are not inundated with posts from people selling things. I share some of what I go through in my marriage here and sometimes all I need to make my day a little better is to see a post from a friend telling me to hang-in-there. It can be that cliche, but not everything about a cliche is bad! For people who become regular members, we have the Watercooler and Rant areas which are great! We post jokes there, or discuss current events or just rant about how our PC crashed that day and we lost all our work! Sometimes discussing non-relationship things with people we get to know in this community will bring us closer and even change how we perceive the serious posts in the relationship sections. LS is highly addictive! But as long as we don't allow it to interfere in our personal or professional relationships, I think its a good addiction. If my husband ever came in and said "You spend too much time here - I want some of your attention" I would have to cut down my time on LS and devote it to him---and I think most people on LS would tell me that was the right decision! I will tell you something very positive that I attribute directly to LoveShack. Because I have a safe place to state my opinions and to debate or discuss things with others, and because I can talk with people of all ages and backgrounds, my professional life is better. Not only did I find a decent contract job through someone I met on LS, but my own self confidence has improved and I do not second guess myself as much and that has made me a much better supervisor. My superiors have more confidence in me and my subordinates do too. I am less intimidated by strong personalities than I was a few years ago.
amanda25 Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Originally posted by ImKirk for sharing that with me. I'm just wondering if I may ask, once your man cheated on you and then had the audacity to befriend the woman after being caught, what possessed you to stay with him and how did you get passed it? He didn't get to befriend her once I caught him, because I didn't give him the chance to( after I caught him,he emailed her and told her not to have any contact with him at all)(this whole "wanting to be friends with her again" conversation got brought up a while after I had caught him and he emailed her saying that) I decided to stay with him, because I do love him, and because I do want things to be right between us...I was worried about what to do, I came here and got the alot of advice, one of which being "make him choose you or her!" and I did that as well..I told him he had to choose...Her as a friend, or me as a gf future wife, whatever...He chose me...That was hard for me to do..I blamed myself...For everything...I came to this site, read other posts and replies,posted my own and got replies, and realized it wasn't MY fault..It was his fault! So here we are,still together, things going great (even buying a house together)..We talked about marriage and we both want it,but we are going to wait until after this whole house thing goes through because that is a big financial drain and we both want a big wedding and all that... I got passed it ( i forgave him, but i did NOT forget what happened),by putting trust back in him..Believing that he won't do that again...I live in a small town too, so he knows if he was to do it again, hed get caught..I put faith in our relationship..I put faith in him...as well as myself..But i also told him, if it happens again, i swore on everything holy to me, that I would leave...And I meant that...People make mistakes, I feel, but i think we should learn from them not repeat them! Hope I answered your ?'s good enough Take Care
moimeme Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I tried out this site to see what a 'regular' love advice site would suggest about how to deal with a relationship with someone with a disorder (AD/HD). I found, as I expected, that folks don't realize that such relationships have very different dynamics and that most of the 'shoulds' which are fair to apply to 'normal' relationships don't apply. However, a few people were kind enough to spend quite a bit of time replying to my questions and it was suggested to me that I expended too much of myself on the relationship. That turned out to be true; I got to the point where I was close to a hefty case of depression and realized it was the relationship or me. I ended the relationship a couple of months later. Some months afterward, I wandered back to LS one evening and ended up in a philosophical battle with the same mod who had so kindly spent a fair bit of time replying to me the first time. However, the discussion was interesting, as were others on the board, and I started tossing in my few pence worth of thoughts. BTW; turned out that that mod who, unfortunately, has not been around much lately, has since impressed the heck out of me; our battle was a misunderstanding only. That people like him moderate the site is one reason it is such an excellent place. Seems I can be sometimes helpful, and that makes me very happy. I'm a researcher by trade so frequently hunt up information for people, which I also enjoy. I spent some time regrouping after this relationship ended; and that included being a bit of a hermit. Because I enjoy exercising my noggin, I have spent a chunk of time at LS, where people debate politics, discuss religion, philosophize about life and love, and have problems that need solving. And I don't have to budge out of the door I love people and I love learning about what makes people tick and LS allows one glimpses into others' minds and thoughts, ways of thinking, experiences. I learn something almost every day; if not directly, then by following a new direction of thought triggered by something someone's written here. I can't get this amount of this sort of information anyplace else and, since I'm an information junkie, I'm hooked
Author ImKirk Posted June 27, 2004 Author Posted June 27, 2004 I appreciate you sharing your stories - I think I know how my wife found this site. She lives with Bipolar Disorder and often can not sleep at night - she's runs a marketing firm which is actually great for her disorder because her creativity peaks during the "high" times. She lacks mental stimulation from her immediate circle of friends and I think she went in search of answers to Life and Love - she and I are getting acclimated to living together again and so I think she wanted a safe place to vent or seek insight from unbiased people. I'm glad that she found LS - it's help channel some of her energy into mental stimulation through communication exchange AND results in the development of YET another business plan. I don't mind that as much as I used to because her business plans now are money makers and she actually has no interest in running the businesses we form outside of directing the vision and establishing the policy & procedures and then off she goes to the next business, political issue or human and/or civil rights battle all while attending law school. Again, thanks for sharing and I'm going to take some time to really read some posts before I log off for the day.
sportsloving Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 Originally posted by ImKirk My question to the people seeking relationship advice/comments is how often do you truly take what total complete strangers say to heart or is this just a place to attain validation for the answer that already echo in your heads? If you have taken the advice of folks on this site how successful/unsuccessful was the outcome? I found this site because I was looking to see if relationships could survive cheating (I was the cheater, I did it one time and didn't realize the extent of damage I was causing, the pain, or how far that pain would pan outside the relationship). I wanted to see or know if anyone else had done the same as I had and if they were able to continue and move forward or if it was the breaking point. I stayed at this site because I love the variety of topics and the depth of knowledge that others share. Sometimes you see a situation as only black and white and then someone will spin it into a shade of grey that you hadn't even thought to explore. I don't know how often people take what I say to heart, or who just gets validation for their feelings ... but I would hope that they wouldn't feel we are all just a bunch of strangers. We might be different in cultures, ages, nationalities, or what nots ... but we are like an extended family. We might bicker, argue, debate or simply hold someone's hand when they are hurting. We feel bad when we hear someone was treated badly, we rant when we have things not go as we want, and we share our experiences. LS is a great site and I have never regretted becoming a member or meeting the people I have met
Sundaymorning Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I use the advice a bit- lets say about 30% of the time I take it seriously. Otherwise, I just use it for another perspective., and its helpful!
quankanne Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 I logged on to this site out of curiosity, then realized that in my own small way, I could help people by helping them to see that there is a Day After when a love relationship goes down the drain. Now I come here to unwind with a cool group of people, because a lot of the time, regular visitors just enjoy hanging around and "being" in each other's company (sort of like a cyber "Cheers" or something). Over the past year, the 'Shack has been a godsend in helping me stay sane while going through some life-changing events, and I am truly grateful for that. Simply put, this place rocks.
Phelly Posted June 27, 2004 Posted June 27, 2004 As in all things, you should always make up your own mind on how to deal with a situation. But getting 3rd party, non-biased input from people who are experienced in your perdicament doesn't hurt. It helps to make a decision or to ease one's mind. Many of the posters here already know, deep down, what they should do. They just come for moral support. Others really have no idea what to do, so the responding posts on these forums offer insight and possibilities that the troubled visitor didn't consider before. So I don't know that it's: you either take my advice or don't take my advice. Some people will "take your advice" while others will take little pieces of it. Either way, responses are a great help to those in toublesome situations.
kirkyswife Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Welcome to the site Umm sweetie, when I get back we need to talk about the photo m'kay (just kidding) but I think it's a great sounding board and place to have intellectually stimulating chats or just outrageous chats for fun - I like it and everyone has been quite patient and I appreciate them for being so open. Hopefully you'll enjoy it as well. Miss you, Nub Nu - see you on Thursday!
msrealdoll Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 I don't remember exactly how I found the site. I am disabled and unable to drive. That severely limits my social life and contact with other people. I like being able to give advice, and feel like I'm helping. I have a good bit of relationship experience, and it's good to know it's not all a waste! Hearing about other peoples problems also helps to keep mine in perspective. I think people often come here for advice when they have exhausted their resources. Sometimes, they just want validation, which is fine. Sometimes their problem is just too embarrassing for them to discuss with family or friends. I believe it's a healthy forum. This has been a great outlet for me. The people here are kind, open and intelligent. I'd follow their advice if I asked for it.
HokeyReligions Posted June 28, 2004 Posted June 28, 2004 Originally posted by kirkyswife Miss you, Nub Nu - see you on Thursday! Nub Nu??? Oh boy! Can we tease you about this now Kirky & Kirkyswife? (all in good fun---kind of a Welcome to the Group )
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